To
read Part I and the Introduction, go
to
http://neallcalvert2.blogspot.ca/2010/12/through-to-new-dialogue-with-higher.html
http://neallcalvert2.blogspot.ca/2010/12/through-to-new-dialogue-with-higher.html
To read Part II, go to
http://neallcalvert2.blogspot.ca/2010/12/through-to-new-part-ii-dialogue-with.html
THROUGH
TO THE NEW:
A Dialogue with Higher Self
A Dialogue with Higher Self
Transforming
Hopelessness & Despair
through Unconditional Love
Part
III
Words & Images (c) Copyright 2016
by Neall K. Calvert
At
Lower Myra Falls, Strathcona Park (c) 2013
by N.C.
|
June
26, 2012: Home, Alder Crescent, Gold River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, always available.
So,
I’ve created a mess in my life / of my life. Over-strained my
nerves, allowed my energy to become drained; have become “burned
out” and may have gone too far to rebuild my nervous system. I have
unconsciously created this tragedy and now I’m left with a “shell
of a body” that I may not be able to rebuild. . . . Still I am
asking for your help, your wisdom, your wellness expertise, your
compassion and upliftment, as I prepare for my holiday starting
tomorrow. The question that needs to be asked is, “Is it too late?”
Dear
Neall: We love you—beginning and end of story. We will
always love you. The message is love. Love yourself morning,
noon and night—don’t stop. Forgive yourself—completely. Forgive
yourself your karma of tragedy, your past patterns. Stop judging
yourself for anything. Get on your own side as much as you
possibly can. God is not judging you—never has, never will. The
Good News still exists in your heart, in finding courage for each
day; each moment.
July
2, 2013: Parking lot, Safety Mart Foods, Ashcroft, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
I’m
feeling very separate—as if I’ve abandoned you. I’ve
taken some Tylenols for the back pain instead of trusting in my
Higher Self. I just wanted some relief—even though I don’t like
the effects on my mind. My mind wasn’t all that clear, given the
pain level, anyway. . . . This is Day 4 of my summer holiday. I’m
feeling full of judgment, probably angry and fearful as well. I’m
looking to contact the part of me that sees beyond all this; that is
steady, constant, neutral, uplifting, nonjudgmental, wise, caring, a
wellness expert, a mentor and guide with a hand on my shoulder, a
father / mother / brother / sister, a joy-bringer, a source of
unconditional love, seer of the Big Picture, provider of whatever is
missing or lacking in my wholeness, music and art guide, bringer of
peace, eternal Source, source of unlimited healing. . . . What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today, dear one?
Dear
Neall: Our love is not subject to the vagaries of your mind—or
anyone else’s. It simply pours out and is available to all, without
condition, as you have written previously. Let it fill your heart and
soul and mind today—no matter what. Be at peace—no matter what.
Be patient with your process—no matter what. . . . As you
understand from your powerful dream of (U.S. president) Barack Obama
two days ago (teaching you how to address your various life issues),
big changes are possible now, including an end to victimization and
neurotic behaviours and the beginnings of an empowered and happier
style of life . . .
.
. . You know that because, when you imagine the presence of an “inner
power figure” such as Obama within you, these symptoms vanish. You
feel yourself to be a healthy and effective human being. . . .
Congratulations. Your studies have brought you to this point of
accepting an emerging new version of yourself. As we have said
before: You will like this “new you,” who is free of shame and
guilt, thus has lots of energy (no more constant fatigue), doesn’t
beat himself up or criticize himself (and doesn’t need to fill the
emptiness within with “coffee with cream,” as you did for many
years, and as you have recently stopped doing). . . . You may still
occasionally believe that “failure” is one of the options in your
life, but we are clear that it is not part of our consciousness. Good
news, not?
Indeed,
good news. I want only good news today. And peace of mind / peace in
my body: “both horses on the same trail.” . . . After praying
deeply for physical health while driving the back roads today south
of Savona, I came across a farm with horses. A pinto in a corral, one
of a group of four horses, began galloping around its enclosure,
pausing only to gaze repeatedly at me as I sat in my van at the
roadside, twenty metres away. As it ran its rounds, it kicked up its
heels in seeming exuberance, and I thought, “I’d like to feel
good enough to kick up my heels a bit too.”
You
start to see, Mr. Neall, that everything is connected; that the
universe is always ready to give you feedback. It is geared for
nothing else—more good news.
Thank
you. I will pray for more love and light this evening. Bless you,
dear Higher Self.
You
can always reach us, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher
Self.
July
3, 2012: White Spot Restaurant, North Kamloops, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
I
had a beautiful, long, back-roads drive this morning on a mountainous
track from Savona through Red Lake to North Kamloops, during which I
“forgot” about everything else. I remained focused only on the
scenery and the curving, twisting, muddy road in front of me,
watchful for drivers unexpectedly showing up on blind curves. Simple
pleasures. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery, and my holiday?
Dear
Neall: We have no judgment on anything you do or say or have, or
don’t do, don’t say or don’t have (as you’ve written
previously). Friends don’t judge. Friendship is about unconditional
acceptance. And it is available from us 24 / 7, no questions asked.
You deserve it; you are worthy of it; and it will change your life
for the better, if you want to change it. That’s the message today.
Small message / big possibility, dear one. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your
Higher Self.
July
4, 2012: Roadhouse Coffee Shop, Highway 1, Savona, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
Six
days into my vacation, I’m beginning to relax after my ‘exhaustion
crisis’ at the end of my Gold River stay. A few days before I left,
an internal voice exclaimed very strongly (certainly no whisper),
“The cross was a victory!” . . . . My
time attending a Christian church while in Gold River is continuing
to reverberate within me. It was a positive place of community and
love—exemplified by the relationship of the husband-and-wife
pastoral team, Romeo and Darla. . . . Another communication from my
inner voice had surprised me one day by telling me that Darla, with
whom there was a strong mutual connection, was my muse in the
previous lifetime when I had been a poet and writer in Germany. When,
during a long drive, I asked my Higher Self why I had been led to
Gold River to connect with her again, the answer came back, “Because
God is good.”
.
. . It turns out that, based on my growing-up experiences, I had come
to believe that Jesus was a victim on the cross, and that the cross
symbolized suffering—and so I avoided Christian churches because I
had had enough of pain and suffering. But, in the book I am reading
now for the fourth time (Walking Through Illusion by Betsy
Otter Thompson), Jesus basically says what I heard loudly whispered:
that the cross was a victory. He went to the cross to prove
that love can’t be defeated . . . that the eternal spirit of
love can’t be killed. Dear, dear God: Help me to believe that
this is true; it would change everything. There would no more
(theological) reason for me to be suffering! What a victory that
would indeed be.
Dear
Mr. Neall: There is no “reasoning” to support suffering. Truly,
it is optional. You noticed the waitresses laughing and being happy a
few minutes ago. You also have a right to be happy; to change your
mind about your past; to “repent”—for your own good. Remember:
We will support this type of emergence from “erroneous thinking,”
from drudgery, dreariness and depression or any form of mental
torture, including help with the unravelling of unhelpful mental
patterns. And we never quit—we offer constant support for positive
change. Remember: This is a “partnership in growth”; we have
nothing else to do; we are “for you one hundred percent”; we are
patient; we know what joy feels like and know it to be an
option—forever. . . . Remember that, dear one. Know it to be true.
. . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
July
8, 2012: Campsite 74, Tunkwa Lake Campground, near Logan Lake, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall, glad to be with you on your camping
journey.
The
long days of sunshine, the freedom from stress while viewing the wide
expanses of nature in BC’s Southern Interior, plus self-EFT
sessions, high-powered nutrition, daily walks, singing practice, the
company of songbirds—and, at my previous campsite, three baby
long-eared owls sitting cosily up in a tree—are all having a
positive effect on my health and happiness. At times like this, the
world, as British author G. K. Chesterton has expressed, seems
particularly well-designed for human beings to thrive in.
Dear
Mr. Neall: As we have said previously: There is no end to our support
for positive change in your life. Claim it, embody it, be it, enjoy
it: We will never let you down in your search for a meaningful,
happy, fulfilled life . . . [burping; yawning] . . . When you
are happy, we are happier (as we’ve also said previously).
Love, peace, connectedness, joyfulness—take in as much of it as you
can stand.
My
previous, and first, campground (Juniper Beach on Highway 1 east of
Cache Creek) had stunning views of “the dry country” on the east
side of the Coast Range—up and down the Thompson River Valley for
tens of kilometres: sage and sand and reddish stone outcrops
interspersed by green patches of irrigated farms and ranches. The
rainfall is less than a quarter of that where I grew up in Surrey,
and of Vancouver, where I spent decades. Three days ago I moved to
“the high country”—a plateau southwest of Kamloops that feels
like the top of the world. There are no trains intruding on the
stillness here. (Juniper Beach Provincial Park sits on the Thompson
River, on either side of which run the tracks of the two major
Canadian railways, Canadian Pacific and Canadian National. Long lines
of potash, wheat, chemicals and double-stacked containers rumble by
every hour.) Suddenly, here, it’s very quiet—just the wind, the
sun sparkling on Tunkwa Lake, occasional birdsong, the ubiquitous
squabbling crows and, once in a while, a marmot scurrying through the
grass, stopping to nibble. . . . What’s the most important thing to
know about my health / healing / recovery today? About my “growing
up at last”? About a future unlike my past? About a destiny unlike
the tragedy I’ve been living?
Dear
Neall: Asking for help is one the wisest things you can do. Getting
out of isolation and into effective partnership greatly increases the
chances of success . . . [yawning] . . . We offer no end
of help . . . [yawning] . . . We are here for nothing else.
We will teach you forever how to expand your life . . .
[yawning] . . . through love and light.
Let
it be so.
July
13, 2012: Campsite 74, Tunkwa Lake Campground, near Logan Lake, BC
[1:30 a.m.]
Hello,
Higher Self: I’ve tried my way—it’s not working. I want to try
your way now—the way out of suffering, health problems, people
problems. Please help me. What’s the most important thing to know
about my health / healing / recovery? I’m willing to listen. How
can I get out of this karmic girlfriend relationship that’s causing
me so much stress? Nothing I say is having any effect, other than to
create exhaustion. . . . I was thinking that no one understands my
situation (self-pity?) and then I realized that you do, since you
live in me. So . . . what would love and light say?
Dear
Neall: It is true that few people know what the healing journey
entails. You are one of the few. Acknowledge yourself for that. It
doesn’t really matter if someone else fails to grasp that. You have
your reward regardless: the “pearl of great price”: a saved soul,
depth, maturity, empowerment, purpose, a courageous life, a peaceful
life, a hopeful life, a connected life, contentment, “a smile on
your face.” So . . . do you know what to do now?
July
13, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Wright Street, Merritt, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self. . . . Dear Higher Self: I’ve
experienced a confusing and pain-filled day, in which it seems as if
my health issues are unsolvable now, and will prevent me from living
my dream: artist, author and healer living in Western Australia. I
was making moves to lessen my stress by removing myself from the
energy-draining relationship, but it’s like being with Tar Baby—I
get stuck in deeper every time I get into dialogue. I need to simply
remain silent—live in “silent retreat,” which was my original
goal for the summer, in order to recharge my batteries. I’ve been
in a state of hopelessness all day the likes of which I haven’t
known for years. What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery?
Dear
Neall: “Love can build a bridge”: It’s what we teach. . . . How
could you love yourself more today? What would bring you back to
equanimity, peace, hopefulness? . . . Remember that we love you
unconditionally—no conditions; no strings attached; no hoops
to jump through. It is available 24 / 7, through this discipline of
automatic writing. Congratulations for taking the time to settle down
and reach out (in) to a source of wisdom greater than your “everyday
mind.” . . . We have nothing else to do than hear your call and
respond. It’s our “job,” as we’ve said before. You are not
disturbing us in any way. . . . Know that we love you, Mr. Neall—as
a friend; someone who has no judgments on you or your style of life.
Know that you are not alone. We will communicate “at the drop of a
pen,” and at other times too, with a whispered song title, such as
“Don’t Fence Me In” when you were leaving Gold River in a state
of stress from “too close quarters”; such as the gift of your
beautiful, powerful mandala photographs. . . . We will never abandon
you. Just “tune in, turn on, and drop in.”
I
feel as if I have passed some kind of watershed after last night and
this morning, when I did almost two hours of prayers and EFT to
overcome the deep exhaustion and self-negation. There’s no going
back now to a life of not being fully alive and on the healing
path—no matter how uncomfortable it gets sometimes. I have to use
my techniques—they are a vital part of my life, as is everything
I’ve learned over the past ten (twenty?) years. I have to move
forward, break the “momentum of passivity” that has run my life
for so long . . . believe in myself and my journey / my skills and
talents / my own worthiness and deservingness . . . believe in my
dreams: living grounded on this earth and contributing in a
community.
We
will never abandon you in any of this, or in your dreams, Mr. Neall.
It’s not in us to do so; we don’t speak that language. We speak
the language of love, support, mentoring, upliftment, wisdom, humour,
eternality, unlimitedness, nonjudgmentalness and more—lots more. .
. . Stick with us if you want to change for the better—no matter
what. We always support happiness and peace, no matter how
long it takes for you to learn the language, through all your
mistakes and “dead ends” and false starts, confusion and pain.
That is exactly our job; our part of the partnership. And we
never quit—you can count on that, no matter how many situations
have ended in abandonment in your history. Believe in it, Mr. Neall:
the power of unconditional love. It is yours for the asking .
. . the Good News not found in any newspaper.
Thank
you. Yes, I’ve been abandoned once too often. And have been
indulging in deep self-pity and powerlessness, as in “no one
understands me and never will (boo-hoo).”
We
have room for that too, Mr. Neall. Give it to us—we’ll carry it
for you. Ask for it back at any time.
That’s
the kind of friend I’ve been looking for.
You’ve
got it, Pontiac—“with you forever.”
.
. . an eternal friend—a “safe-and-secure-forever friend.”
That’s
a good, succinct description. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. God’s
blessings upon you and your summer travels. We are never far away.
You can count on us—always, in all ways: never-ending help, for any
situation, large or small. “Keep the faith,” compañionero.
You’re worth it—you’re “the pearl of great price.”
July
17, 2012: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merritt, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall—anywhere, any time.
This
morning, camping at Monck Provincial Park east of Merritt, I was up
in time to catch the sunrise at 5:30 a.m. For me, dawn to sunrise is
the best part of the day. I have a long view over Nicola Lake to the
rolling sagebrush grasslands on the far side, and at this time of day
they take on a golden-silver-green sheen, with every hillock and sage
bush defined by the sun’s low early rays. I’ve been enjoying the
chipmunks skittering around in pairs, and yesterday a full-grown deer
walked serenely past my campsite, just five metres from me. Yesterday
I swam and sunbathed—the best activities when the weather is over
30 degrees C. . . .
.
. . While cooking this morning, still aware of the emotional burnout
that is creating despair and lower back pain, I heard in my mind a
line from the Josh Groban song “Home To Stay” that goes: “Look
how far your dreaming’s gone . . .” These words made me realize
(and appreciate) how much, in truth, my life has already changed; how
much I am already living my dream—of being on my life path as a
creative artist and writer and healer, connected to other other
artists, writers and healers—the Good Life of emotionally healthy
relationships. The deep grieving that resulted from this realization
eased the pain in my back and has changed my mood for the better for
hours now. . . . So, progress today. Thank God. . . . [Restaurant got
busy] . . .
[Later
the same day] Campsite 58, Monck Provincial Park, north side of
Nicola Lake 22 km east of Merritt, BC
What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today?
Dear
Neall: Please know that we love you, and that we share in your joy
over every new insight, every release of pain, every step in your
growth. We say, as we have said already many times: Don’t quit.
Don’t stop seeking to grow. Don’t stop exploring; don’t stop
getting past thoughts of suicide, or “death temptations,” as you
experienced in Gold River. . . . There is a way—for
everyone—for you. Remember, we will never hurt you, let you down
or abandon you—in fact, the opposite. We teach the expansion of
life—period. Let it happen, Mr. Neall. Let yourself become happy
and empowered. Non-neurotic. Free. Well. On a new course. Uplifted.
Enlightened—“lightened up.” The world is waiting for such
people, to help it grow out of its neuroses. There is a “job”
waiting for you the moment you feel ready to take it on. Comprenez,
dear one?
Yes,
I do—the reinvented Neall Calvert.
Precisely.
. . . Go with God, Mr. Neall—always.
[As
I finished writing, a deer (perhaps the same one) walked slowly by
again, this time only three metres away.]
July
18, 2012: Campsite 58, Monck Provincial Park, north side of Nicola
Lake 22 km east of Merritt, BC [5:30 a.m.]
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, dear Mr. Neall.
Once
again I am beset by deep emotional pain; by a loss of faith; by
believing that my body is irreparably damaged from the “twist of
fate” at Gold River of deep burnout that I didn’t see coming. It
looks like I’m not going to make it into the world of happiness and
peace, of empowerment, that sometimes seems possible; that “fate”
decrees otherwise: a slow painful decline—no “destiny” for me
as a healer and author and artist. Too much karma, perhaps? I am
unable to create positive scenarios in my mind; unable to lighten up
this morning. There seems no hope for becoming happy. It’s a tough
feeling . . . [yawning; burping] . . .
Dear
Neall: We are with you in your emotional conundrum; in your lack of
(self-)love; in your hopelessness. We will never let you down . . .
[went back to sleep; dreamt of Paul McCartney] . . .
July
21, 2012: Campsite 59, Elk Falls Provincial Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, dear one.
What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
tonight? I am still in this “crisis of feeling” and working hard
through EFT self-sessions to “change my energy.”
Dear
Mr. Neall: Love is always available—morning, noon and night. We
offer it freely, in friendship, in mentorship, in peace. We have
nothing else to do than to teach love; to uplift, to inspire; to
bring hope to those struggling; growth for those who want to grow. We
never quit; we are eternal in our being, in our nature. Please accept
the existence of such a force—a force of truth, of wisdom, of
deservingness, of worthiness, of happiness, of an end to shame and
guilt and self-punishment, of healthy emotionality, of inner
strength, of self-esteem (as you have dreamed about this week). All
this, and more, is possible in the game of life.
I
believe—“Help Thou mine unbelief.” Help me to restore my faith;
to Follow An Ideal That Heals; to
smile again; to feel safe and secure; to not be depressed; to feel
empowered to change my life; to know you as a friend, as someone who
is not judging; to feel loved and accepted instead of beaten up and
put down / shamed / made to feel small; to transform this great anger
and trapped energy into useful life force.
You’ve
got it, Mr. Neall. You’ve clarified what you want—and we hear it
and are willing to work with you on these issues—any time, gladly,
day or night. . . . You are not alone, dear Mr. Neall, compañionero.
. . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
July
21, 2012: Campsite 59, Elk Falls Provincial Park, Campbell River, BC
[2:20 a.m.]
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self. . . . Dear God: I’m in the dark. I
feel as dark as the darkness outside [secluded campsite surrounded by
tall trees]. My health seems to be failing, despite EFT
self-sessions. Please help. I don’t know where this relationship
“went off the rails.” I’m asking for love and light, insight,
wisdom, healing, upliftment, serenity, and an end to
rootlessness—this constant travelling and “living like a cloud.”
I’d like to feel better, to feel connected to someone or something.
This isn’t a good feeling.
Dear
Neall: Love is here; friendship is here; light is here.
I
feel “loaded up” with anger and resentment. This is not the way
to become healthy and happy. Please guide me, from the Big Picture.
I’ve had enough. I’m going to trust you totally; trust in my
“wellness expert,” my Beloved, my teacher of happiness, my friend
and compañionero. Something needs to change for me.
Hello,
Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you—and that that is the
context for your growth (as it has always been and always will be).
We will never fail you, as others may have failed you, and set up in
your mind the pattern of “failure as a possibility.” That is
where you are hanging out—in the possibility that no one is
interested in your writing or photographs or music, and that your
health is not restorable; that you can’t recover from this setback.
And, once again, you are “looking to fellow campers”—to your
immediate environment—for (spiritual) answers that they are not
able to provide; doing what’s called “matching their energy.” .
. . There’s no light there. You’re beginning to see that it’s a
lightworker that you want to talk to—someone who inspires
you . . . like the spiritual artist who triggered your own
(spiritual) mandala photographs [Orlea Rayne] or the spiritual
director of the Centre for Spiritual Living in Campbell River, Jill
Brocklehurst. Or the males in your dreams: Barack Obama, Paul
McCartney, Buddhist meditation master Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche,
Carl Jung . . .
.
. . The upliftment you seek is in “the bigger all around you.”
That’s always been the story, and these kinds of people have been
written about for thousands of years because people want to remember
them; to know what they’ve said and what they created and how they
lived. Many of them were happy and contented—as you seek to be.
That’s the reason you are expressing gratitude for spiritual
teachers and artists in your “gratitude practice” sessions. The
inner images that support your new life are building within you as
the old life’s pictures of workaholism and unhappiness and limited
thinking fade away. . . .
.
. . Recall that your friend the experienced book publisher, to whom
you showed your two self-published books of writing and photo art
last week, said it was “fun” to go over them with you. . . .
Never forget that, Mr. Neall, even though you overextended your visit
and created back problems for yourself once again. You, with your
creativity (and music), are a source of fun (= happiness). So if you
want that as a lifestyle (as last year’s camping holiday / vision
quest showed you), you know where to place your priorities, don’t
you?
Yes,
I do . . . wow. And Orlea, out of the blue, sent me an e-mail two
weeks ago expressing praise for my mandala photographs—just the
kind of communications I want to have with fellow artists. . . .
“Artists thrive on praise,” it’s been said—and I haven’t
been getting enough of it. So . . . getting back on track is the next
step. Seeing the naturopathic doctor this Friday, whose appointment
took six weeks to arrive, is part of my new life out of chronic
fatigue, emotional pain, self-destruction / tragedy; it is an
important step in having the health to live a creative, happy,
peaceful life.
You’ve
got it. . . . Let this sink in, Mr. Neall. Believe that you are loved
and safe and secure. In this environment of love, anything is
possible—including something called “Neall Calvert’s
happiness.” We are “for you one hundred percent,” Mr. Neall.
And we never quit. Take this with you for the remainder of your night
[it’s now 3:30 a.m.] . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self .
. . “the Uplifter.”
July
25, 2012: Camping at Oyster Bay Rest Stop, Highway 19A, Oyster Bay,
BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
tonight? I believe I made good progress this morning clearing up
(through EFT) a deeply negative archetypal pattern that I had become
aware of: the crazy Christian belief articulated by Carl Jung as “The
son must die to appease the wrath of the father.” It seems I got
all the negativity of Christianity and none of its positivity. I have
much gratitude for Carl Jung for the awareness of this tragic
pattern. It means he becomes almost like a positive, helpful father
to me now—something I have sought. I am grateful for the existence
of such people on the planet. . . . Just writing this down has been a
healing.
July
26, 2013: Parking Lot, Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self. . . . I’m asking for help. The low
back pain is severe. I’m stuck in self-punisher / ego / victim
(earlier I noticed my mind singing the Carly Simon song lyrics
“You’re so vain. You probably think this song is about you”).
No relief in sight today, though something tells me this is all
“past-time energy” coming up to be healed—one of the reasons
I’m not more “present” for life and haven’t been for years.
Again, I’m asking for help.
Dear
Neall: Your Higher Self is with you—as always. We are a source of
energy and healing greater than blame / shame / self-punishment,
although your mind, due to your unhappy past, thinks these negative
forces “are God,” i.e., the Supreme, therefore not able to be
overcome, as there would be nothing higher. This is distorted
thinking. Please think of us as love and light, as here to help, as a
source of mercy and compassion, of—rather than fear—an end to
fear, a “welcome home,” “the always-available compañionero”
you have written about earlier . . . [burping; yawning] . . .
I’m
losing hope in my ability to recover from the “emotional burnout”
scenario I experienced; the incomprehensible “twist of fate” near
the end of my Gold River stay when my dreams said it was possible to
“go too far” into the burnout and not be able to recover. I
immediately did everything I could to reduce the stresses in my life.
I stopped editing / proofreading; stopped the draining relating with
J. / spent time in nature / prepared for my holiday, for times of
“freedom from fear and worry” on the road. . . . What’s the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today? Is there hope for “a future unlike my past?” Where
is “love and light” today? Has this “summer-holiday lifestyle”
I am planning (two months of camping / living outdoors) in fact
brought up these old, toxic, negative-father, self-punishing
emotions—because it is exactly what my father couldn’t stand /
didn’t understand—rest, relaxation, good times, solitude, new
vistas, regeneration / renewal time (unless forced to through
illness)—until he “woke up” and took early retirement at age
60? . . . I barely knew the man, it’s true. After my childhood with
him, I didn’t want to see him. It is my life’s conundrum. How can
this father / son cycle be “put to rest”?
You’re
getting to the heart of the matter, Mr. Neall. Recall that one of
your early teachers, Werner Erhard, taught something to the effect
of: “When you’ve said all the good things and all the bad things
there are to say about someone, all there is left to say is ‘I love
you.’” . . .
So
. . . this writing session today is “another step into reality”;
a step out of “denial of (my) reality”; another step into
relatedness rather than away from it; an owning of the family
I came from and my feelings about them . . .
And
another page in your book—a book you have chosen to dedicate to
this same male parent. . . .
July
28, 2012: Camping at Oyster Bay Rest Area, Highway 19A, Oyster Bay,
BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
My
‘unpredictable’ summer holiday continues, as I wait around
Campbell River for three more days for new homeopathic medicine
through the naturopathic doctor. . . . I’m grateful for the
sunshine today; for a bit more peace in my back; for a well-running
van; lots of fresh air and ocean vistas; the inspiring work of
artists at the annual River City Arts Fest on downtown streets of
Campbell River today (100-plus participating artists) . . . What’s
the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing /
recovery?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please be assured that there is no judgment on your life
or your lifestyle. You are fine with us just as you are, and you
always will be—for eternity. The Good News is always available;
love and light are always available; peace of mind is always an
option from among the unlimited selection of options. Healing is an
unlimited field, as you are more and more experiencing: emotional,
energetic, psychological, mental, physical. Let us help provide
whatever you need this evening—including unconditional brotherly
love. No more ‘striving’ required; no more ‘searching for
love’; rather, ‘companionship at hand’—just as the group of
Harley-Davidson aficionados have gathered at the picnic table across
the street from you in companionship. They like each others’
company and can relax and be themselves, as the frequent laughter
testifies to—simple human connection.
Not
something I’ve had a lot of lately—but then I’m interested in
something else these days: eternal connection. Thus, those companions
I do have are those who also believe in eternity: the life of the
eternal soul.
Well
understood, Mr. Neall. We couldn’t have said it better. . . . Vaya
con Dios, compañionero. Be well.
July
30, 2012: Campsite 2, Morton Lake Provincial Campground, 27 km
northwest of Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you always, Mr. Neall.
Today
has been a day of relaxation in a very quiet place. There are just 24
sites here, so very little traffic—what I’ve been seeking for the
summer. This morning I had an insight that almost brought me to my
knees I was in such a state of grateful surrender. The insight was
this: The people I have been seeking to help pull me into “a future
unlike my past” are in Campbell River! Two of them are the
naturopathic doctor I’ve had a first appointment with and the
Science of Mind minister (spiritual director of the Centre for
Spiritual Living), whom I have visited as a life coach occasionally
over the past year; they are part of my “team.” Both of these
mature, spiritually oriented women recognize me as a spiritual being,
something which is essential for any connections I make from now on
(unlike with my family of origin, which could never acknowledge my
essence, as they weren’t in touch with their own) . . . What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We celebrate with you every insight, every new
realization, every step forward out of pain and suffering. There
hasn’t been much for you to celebrate lately, though we are with
you for everything. Believe in your happiness and peace of mind, Mr.
Neall, with all your heart and soul. Believe in celebration as an
important aspect of life—no fear or worry there. “Change your
thinking, change your life,” as it is said (the motto of Science of
Mind). . . . And we will always be available for this kind of
coaching—morning, noon, evening, night and day. Believe in this,
Mr. Neall, and become happy in the process. It is a reachable goal. .
. . You’ve come this far—why not persevere a little longer? . . .
Your friend and companion, your Higher Self.
August
2, 2012: Campsite 14, Cowichan River Provincial Park, 12 km west of
Duncan, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall, night or day.
I’ve
had to almost redouble my disciplines of EFT and prayers, including
in the middle of the night. Today I had a good respite at the
beautiful aquatic centre in Duncan, where I went on the two
waterslides—basic fun that I missed out on for years. As I sped
through the sudden drops and twists and turns of the dark tube, I
screamed “I surrender to the God of fun!” To me it’s an apt
analogy. Once one has let go of the handle and entered the slippery
slide, there’s no going back; one has given up control of both
speed and direction and has truly surrendered to whatever is going to
happen. Six-year-olds fearlessly enjoyed the two slides today too, so
I was appropriately humbled; but they were good company too. . . .
What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing /
recovery tonight?
Dear
Neall: Love and fun are available almost everywhere to those who keep
their eyes and ears open, as you do. Responding to a simple need for
a shower, you end up at a fitness centre for a workout, then
water-sliding and relaxing for as long as you want in the hot tub.
It
is a magnificent, well-run facility—the kind many communities now
have in this wealthy region of the country (southern Vancouver
Island). I am taking advantage of this abundance.
As
we’ve said before, Mr. Neall: We support anything that leads to
wellness and happiness; anything that puts a smile on your face. We
are for you one hundred percent.
If
I were to ask myself what would be the most important thing to know
about my health tonight, the answer I would come up with would be:
“Whatever puts a smile on my face.” No small matter, for a
depressive. . . . In the book I am reading, Transforming Fate into
Destiny, author / healer Robert Ohotto declares aging to be,
rather than a source of worry, a privilege. He realized this after
losing a close friend in a minor traffic accident. Ohotto, just in
his thirties, is wise already.
You
are finding good teachers, Mr. Neall, both in books and in person.
Congratulations on discovering those who can pull you forward. It’s
what you’ve been seeking. Now you’re finding, and starting
to live more fully. . . . Please know that we are always here for
you, Mr. Neall—anywhere, any time, any type of relationship you
need. There’s no limit to our “repertoire of relatedness,” and
we share gladly. Though you don’t have much experience with sharing
and love yet, we have no judgment on this; we simply make ourselves
available, night and day. . . . Don’t give up, Mr. Neall, on
achieving an empowered, connected and happy lifestyle. You have our
full support—forever. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self,
Cowichan River version.
August
4, 2012: Campsite 14, Cowichan River Provincial Park, 12 km west of
Duncan, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall. “Saturday night’s all right.”
Saturday
evening is a time I schedule for my discipline of writing—of
putting perseverance and patience into practice. . . . I’m
struggling deeply with fate vs. destiny, especially now that these
have become clarified by Robert Ohotto’s powerful book. I
understand that I’ve been working with these issues for years. I’ve
called it “a future unlike my past.” We’re definitely on the
same page. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing recovery tonight? How can I remain hopeful and
peaceful in the face of the relentlessly returning low back pain /
feelings of annihilation and hopelessness?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are always with you; that we will
never abandon you—we know nothing of it. We are as steady as your
heart, which has been beating for more than six decades without a
complaint. There is no area of life in which we cannot be helpful. We
are endlessly willing as well—there is nothing else we do. . . .
Please know that that which has hurt you will never, ever happen
again.
I’m
feeling pretty stuck here at the campground, unable to feel good,
stressed by a holiday weekend crowd that includes a massive
fifth-wheeler parked directly across from my site. This, despite a
successful EFT session this afternoon. What do I need to know? This
is very deep stuckness . . . my back is mighty sore.
Dear
Neall: . . . [tears; yawning] . . . Love and light . . . love
and light . . . love and light. . . . You are deserving and worthy .
. . [burping] . . . We will never let you down, as
those in your past let you down. We are a force of love and light,
here to help—period. We do nothing else—you get our full
attention, as you are now. And we do not judge you—even when you
are immobilized with shame and guilt. . . . Your soul is worth
saving, Mr. Neall; the eternal part of you can be
strengthened; brought into line with present-time reality; and this
is something we are glad to help with, as your eternal friend and
companion . . .
.
. . You are not alone, Mr. Neall. You have never been abandoned by
your eternal self. It is impossible for that to happen. Heed
these words well: IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. . . .
Out of this truth you can rebuild your health, you can “make
Saturday night all right”—make it a useful and productive time,
as you are choosing to do with your life. . . .We are always
available—no end of help, Mr. Neall. Use us in whatever way
works for you. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self, source of love
and light.
August
5, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Highway 19, Ladysmith, BC [hottest day
of the year]
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall—always ready to communicate.
I
got smart and left the busy campground early this morning. Better to
be “rootless and on the road” than in a stressful place. Mostly,
on this very warm day (32 degrees C), I’ve just been sitting in
shady spots—“no particular place to go,” as in the Chuck Berry
song. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health
/ healing / recovery today? How can I embrace more love and light;
feel more of a sense of belonging?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you as friend and companion
and mentor or any other type of relationship that makes you feel
better, stronger, healthier and more whole.
My
two-and-a-half-year search for a new home since leaving Vancouver and
coming to the Island, and a search for belonging, is nearly finished.
It is incredible, after all this travelling and seeking—it’s as
if I have been wandering like the blind Oedipus. I couldn’t find
“my people” and “my place in the world” . . . and now it’s
happening. I have wanted to get off the 49th parallel (Canada–U.S.A.
border), which I grew up near and later lived near for decades. An
astrocartography (astrology of place) report that I ordered revealed
that particular latitude to be a place of violence and unhappiness
for me. Campbell River turns out to be just above the 50th parallel
(there is a handsome five-foot granite marker along the ocean on
Highway 19A). . . . I’m out at last.
We’re
with you for all of it, Mr. Neall. As we’ve said many times, “Don’t
quit”; “Persevere”; “Don’t look back.” That’s what
you’ve done to create a new reality. Congratulations. We’ll say
it again: “Don’t look back—nothing for you there.”
And
I have your presence with me to share this hard-won accomplishment,
this happiness, this “future unlike my past.”
Exactly.
We never quit. We never go away. . . . We’re always available for
companionship, communication, dialogue, the Big Picture, mentoring,
parenting, big brothering /sistering or anything else that could be
helpful . . . like unconditional acceptance / love—the free gift of
the universe.
“The
pearl of great price.”
You
got it, Pontiac.
There’s
a 1954 Pontiac (and a dozen other 1950s cars) on a large photographic
wall mural that I’m gazing at right this moment.
We
know. We are you, remember?
I
do . . . the Good News.
Right
again. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Go with God always. We will
never let you down. Your Higher Self—“Master of the A & W.”
August
7, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Cliffe Avenue, Courtenay, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today? The program I’m in through the naturopathic doctor involves
taking homeopathic supplements (called Rubimeds) in water that I sip
on all day. These products are supposed to bring to the surface and
resolve hidden conflicts that are interfering with wellness. Since
beginning the two products a week ago, I’ve had unusual dreams (as
I was advised would happen): 1): My mother, playing a game of
two-a-team touch football—an image so unlike my mother as to be
humorous. Football was never my disciplined, stay-at-home Mennonite
mother’s long suit. Also: Me with my older brother (who I
also am conflicted with) sitting close to me and I gaze at his
youthful face (he is 67 in real life), which is simply
beautiful, radiating a spiritual light. There’s simply no way I am
able to be at odds with such a wonderful being . . . [tears] . .
. What relief!
Dear
Mr. Neall: The journey of healing you are on is creating beautiful
results. You deserve to live free of enervating inner conflicts that
have been sapping your strength and affecting your health for years.
You have found a unique way to help yourself that could have a
long-lasting, positive outcome.
There’s
still the deep lower-back issue that intensified in the Gold River
crisis of late June. I’m asking for help with this; help to keep
moving steadily out of fate and into destiny—in a manner that I can
comprehend.
Healing
is an unlimited field, Mr. Neall, and you are connected to an
unlimited source. When you understand that deeply . . . when you let
it in that you are deeply, unconditionally loved by the universe,
which is as powerful a friend as your publisher friend, whose time
with you has buoyed your spirits for several weeks now (and friends
don’t want to see friends suffer needlessly) . . . when you get the
power and love available to you, your life will really change—for
good. . . . Unlimited, Mr. Neall. This power is unlimited.
It operates (as you repeat in your daily affirmations) in, around,
through and as everything and everyone. It never quits. It is eternal
There is no end to its helpfulness and mercy. It led you to Campbell
River and the naturopathic doctor . . . [tears] . . . and is
with you today at the A & W—with no judgment on “health food
vs. fast food” . . . [yawning] . . . “Everywhere,
anywhere, any time,” as we keep saying.
You
do. . . . So I can stop worrying now?
Worry
creates nothing (as you already know).
On
this subject I want lots of reminding.
Love
and light, Mr. Neall. Everything is possible in love and light—as
you understand from your recent visit to your publisher friend, who
loves you and has offered to help in any way she can with (having
more fun by) publishing photo art books (and has the necessary
experience and skills to do so) . . . That’s how love works.
I
get it. That’s how you want to help me—only on a much more
all-encompassing scale—any problem: physical, mental emotional,
financial, social, spiritual—with wisdom, upliftment, peace of
mind, wellness, inspiration, courage, compassion, the Big Picture,
and on and on . . .
Yes.
And
you’re always available and you never abandon anyone and you have
unlimited resources—including a skilled, experienced naturopathic
doctor in Campbell River, whose hobby is photography.
You’ve
got it . . .
I
don’t want to live in this much pain any more.
We
are always with you, Mr. Neall, and will help you all we can. Never
give up, friend; never give up . . . [tears] . . . Vaya con
Dios, always. Your Higher Self.
August
10, 2012: Roadside pullout, Portuguese Creek Bridge, Bridge Road, 10
km north of Courtenay, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall.
After
a visit with my male counsellor and feeling a new level of support
(he’s ”got my back”—a type of relationship I’ve never
experienced before), I was able to grieve a lot of sadness out of my
heart today while reading the sad ending of another great “dog
book” (Lonesome: Memoirs of A Wilderness Dog by Chris
Cjaikowski [beautifully and skilfully related from the dog’s point
of view]) . . . Today I have more energy and am contemplating new
creative ideas; thinking bigger. . . . What’s the most important
thing to know about my health / healing / recovery?
Hello,
Mr. Neall: Step by step you are owning your emotions, healing your
reactivity and moving forward. You are understanding your need for
support and connection, making sure that those needs get filled.
That’s called maturity, Mr. Neall. Congratulations. We
celebrate every step towards happiness with you, no matter how long
it takes. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
August
12, 2012: Overflow camping (the parking lot), Miracle Beach
Provincial Campground, Black Creek, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
At
6:00 a.m. I got up and walked 200 metres to the beach, where there is
a nearly 180-degree view of the Coast Range mountains on the BC
mainland, across Georgia Strait. The view must encompass 60
kilometres, north to south. A beautiful bank of cumulus clouds above
the mountains slowly became gold-tinged as the unseen sun approached,
then the first rays emerged above the peaks and over the next two
minutes the full sphere slowly became visible and another day had
begun. . . . In the van, as I ate breakfast, CBC radio featured an
interview with Sons of Freedom Doukhobors who, as children in the
1950s in southeastern BC, had been kidnapped and sent to a tyrannical
residential school; an eight-foot chain-link fence kept them away
from their families as the government tried to force their
Russian-speaking culture out of them—similar to what had been done
to aboriginal children. These adult survivors spoke directly and
honestly in a very touching way, and it brought up my own past of
having lived through tyranny, and gave me an opportunity to grieve
it. (The Doukhobors made an official complaint to the BC Human Rights
Commission, seeking an apology from the government in 20??) [GET
UPDATE] . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my own
health / healing / recovery today, dear Higher Self / God within me?
Dear
Mr. Neall . . . [burping] . . . We are always with you, as
you continue to heal your past and build a future unlike where you
came from. It is your dedication to your disciplines—journalling,
nature time, living one day at a time, vision questing, support
systems in place, medical / health program—that makes the
difference, that helps you to change and grow (up), to find your
place in society, to become empowered and effective—and happy and
peaceful. . . . Again, we salute every step forward and we are with
you “without fail”—in every sense of that expression. . . .
Vaya con Dios, beloved brother. Your Higher Self.
August
15, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, ready to communicate.
I
am getting bogged down. What was chronic pain in my back seems to
have become permanent. Also, giving up the addiction to
coffee-drinking reveals that I don’t have much to replace it with
yet, and I fill up my time with reading newspapers and listening to
the radio—low-energy activities that don’t inspire me, rather
fill my mind mostly with trash and trivia; the conditioned,
unawakened life; and tragedy at many levels. Last night I dreamed of
driving a car, with a female passenger, fast around a left-hand curve
on a canyon road next to a very steep drop. It seemed impossible that
I could stay on the road at that speed—but I did. I seem to be at
some risk. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Once again, know that we are with you, that you are not
alone; that you have not been abandoned; that you can be safe even
when you come out of isolation. These are the patterns that are
running your life, and they are well-practised from decades of use
and from the distant past as well. Know that our love is
unconditional, available even to those who feel unworthy and
undeserving, isolated and abandoned. Know that it never ends; that
there is no judgment; that peace and happiness are within reach of
everyone who makes an honest effort.
I
am willing to do that . . . [yawning] . . . I forgot again that you
are always available: for companionship, friendship, parenting,
mentoring or any other type of connection I am missing at the moment.
Sometimes my feeling nature appears to be a bottomless black hole of
missing masculinity, loneliness, anger and a kind of spiritual
arrogance. Thank you for attending to this lack, from your unlimited
storehouse of energetic possibilities. “The Trials of Job” would
be an apt description of my life . . .
And
there is no judgment on that, Mr. Neall. We do nothing that would add
one atom to your load of misery. Rather we seek to inspire, to
uplift, to bring a smile to your face, light to the darkness, balm to
the anger over what is missing in your life . . . so that you can
become whole and real and happy . . . [tears] . . .
And
connected . . .
Indeed.
And loved.
The
whole package . . .
The
package called wholeness.
Is
there anything else I could know about my health / healing / recovery
today? About finding inner peace? About trust? About feeling more
abundant?
Continue
your disciplines, Mr. Neall—your affirmations and gratitude and
prayer sessions. Note how quickly these days a few minutes of prayer
while driving will change your mood. Note how your daily walks and
stretching sessions and dental flossing make your body happier; how
they change your attitude to one of gratitude for this body, the
vehicle of your soul, and how your body cooperates with you in
return. . . . Love, Mr. Neall—it’s about love. Everything
goes easier from a state of love. And by making a discipline out of
this writing, you are making sure you get your share. . . . Never
quit, dear one. Never quit claiming your harvest of love. We
never quit, as you know and have written previously. “Eternal and
unlimited and always available” are our main characteristics.
Nourish yourself at this well. Take what you need, until you are full
and spilling over . . .
.
. . “Heart and soul, I fell in love with you / Heart and soul, like
any fool would do . . .” When you feel crazy, be a fool for love,
Mr. Neall. You’ll have friends in every town you live in—and
that’s the spiritual life; the liberated life; the life out of
prison—out of the “mind-forged manacles” of depression and
addiction, chronic negativity and mental illness.
And
this is a never-ending partnership for the exploration of such ideas
. . .
You
got it, Pontiac . . . and no charge, ever.
So
. . . love is the answer . . .
Believe
it, Mr. Neall, believe it: Love is the answer.
The
ne plus ultra . . .
Yes
. . . the friend, the companion, the mentor, the guide, the light on
the path, the uplifter, the inspirer, the teacher. . . . Vaya con
Dios, Mr. Neall, student extraordinaire. Your Higher Self.
August
17, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
Still
with me . . .
Indeed—always.
So
. . . I have found my home: Campbell River. It’s been five years
since first I began exploring small towns, camping at Lillooet, and
also house-sitting; then through those contacts in Vancouver
house-sitting in Union Bay on the Island. Then out of that I moved to
Courtenay, then to Gold River and now Campbell River. . . . What a
long journey, what a quest, and what an accomplishment—out of
unworkability; out of living by default in Vancouver to living from
awareness and choice in my new home. . . . I sense your hand in this
. . . and I am grateful.
We
are glad to help, Mr. Neall, friend and companion. You have made the
effort: recognized the problem, set a goal, taken up the search and
now achieved the result. . . . Please spend some time patting
yourself on the back; integrating the changes; acknowledging the
success of overcoming your immobility and self-loathing; the success
of having made your first conscious move in lifetimes . . . of
choosing self-love over rage.
Thank
you for that. I am almost speechless. . . . Yesterday morning, on the
sidewalk as I was walking I found a fresh pink rose in full bloom
with two buds. I picked it up and placed it in a bottle of water in
my van, where its aroma invigorates me. . . . I’ve heard that the
Mother Goddess, to whom I’ve been praying daily for six months,
speaks through the appearance of flowers. . . . This feels like a
beautiful “divine gift.”
And
why not, Mr. Neall? You are worthy of it. You are deserving of mercy
and compassion and happiness—everyone is. . . . Fill up at the
filling station, Mr. Neall—spiritual nourishment: always available
through effort, discipline, focus, perseverance, patience—and love.
. . . “Be love and be loved”—you first encountered this
statement at a Vancouver holistic centre twenty-five years ago. Now
it’s coming true.
That’s
a big change. Becoming peaceful and happy is quite a journey. It’s
like learning to live in a new culture and speak a new language—and
always more to take in; more expansion to experience.
You’ve
got it, Mr. Neall. You are understanding the experience of being on a
path. It’s not conventional life, rather a life of constant growth;
of being a student.
I’m
willing to be a student—in fact, I quite like it. I’m learning
all the time now. I want a life without blame, shame, guilt or
self-punishment, without chronic pain and suffering.
Knowing
and stating what you want gets you half way there, Mr. Neall. . . .
Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
August
18, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Discovery Harbour Shopping Centre,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
I
could use some help. . . . After my beautiful time yesterday with the
minister at the Centre for Spiritual Living—friendship, love and
mentoring—today I am an emotional mess and in a lot of pain. I’m
trying to connect these two events, so I can live a better life. . .
. What I’ve figured out is this: Each time after I have a happy,
friendly, loving time with someone, my internalized “negative
father complex” kicks in with self-attack, self-punishment,
self-criticism, shame and guilt—as in “How dare you be happy when
I am so miserable?” and “We’ll have to put a stop to that.” A
counsellor I visited last year in Comox who had also grown up in an
abusive fundamentalist Christian home effectively summed up his
experience with the statement “What is not compulsory is
forbidden.” . . . This is what I want help with.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you even in such closed-loop
emotional conundrums; that we never abandon anyone; that we can bring
love and light to the most difficult situations. . . . You are on the
verge of finding a new life—the life of the awakened heart; the
life of courage and compassion; of self-affinity, self-acceptance and
self-approvement; the life of friendship and love; of more-frequent
connection to your Higher Self. The more you can live from your
heart, the less those other conditions will bother you . . .
.
. . You understand now what you want: love and empowerment, in
a nutshell. You are finding the help you need to move in this
direction. As we’ve said before: Don’t quit. Don’t stop
persevering in the direction of your dreams of good health, good
income and a meaningful, peaceful and happy life. We are always with
you in this expansion, this growth and development of your
personality. And we know nothing of failure. We will be a brother or
sister, mother or father, friend, mentor or guide—whatever you need
at any moment for this journey. We have an unlimited repertoire of
responses—please believe this. Know that help is available; that
partnership is promised—forever: a partnership in love; in
overcoming fear and worry; in learning happiness. Believe it, Mr.
Neall, and watch your life change. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher
Self.
August
20, 2012: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
[using the electrical outlet beside this particular table to recharge
my camera batteries]
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
I
am grateful for all your guidance over the years; for providing hope
and upliftment during hopeless and despairing moments. . . . I’m
still relaxing into the feeling of having found my new home in
Campbell River. Now I need to create an actual physical home, as I
bring to an end my summer of living out-of-doors. (One morning as I
stood and prepared breakfast in the early rays of sunshine, listening
to Welsh baritone Bryn Terfel’s rich voice radiating from his
Simple Gifts CD on my van’s stereo, a stranger walking by
commented, “It’s the good life, eh?” It is uplifting to be
recognized in one’s contentment by those one has never met before.)
. . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health /
healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that there is no end to our love for you; no
end to our caring and concern. Please know also that there is nothing
else for us to do, no other agenda, than to help you in every way
possible to have a good life. We are never “too busy” or
“otherwise occupied.” As we’ve said before, this dialogue can
go on forever. Every problem, every conundrum, every fear or worry,
every situation of lack can be brought to our doorstep and be
addressed there. We never quit.
So
. . . I can stop complaining and stop worrying—and especially, stop
catastrophizing . . .
We
highly recommend it—
Even
though I have just $40.00 in the bank and need to travel 150 km for a
medical appointment tomorrow . . .
Even
though . . .
And
even though I carry those strong abandonment scenarios in my mind
that say “There is no one I can trust to be there for me for the
distance.”
We
never quit. The light never goes out here. It never will. Peace,
relaxation, contentment, workability, purpose, upliftment and joy are
all possible—
.
. . through this discipline (and other ones like prayer, living one
day at a time, exercise, good nutrition, support, focus,
contemplation) . . .
There
is a plan in place, powered by love and light. It’s yours for the
asking.
I
want help with the chronic pain stuck in my lower back / pelvic
bones. I’ve had pretty much enough of this dysfunctionality.
You
already know many of the attributes of this syndrome, Mr. Neall:
self-criticism, self-doubt, self-punishment, shame and guilt and
anger. That’s what holds the stuck energy in place. Transforming it
requires prayers to affirm your self-worth, deservingness,
handsomeness and self-esteem, as well as exercise and owning your
divine nature, your path of wholeness / holiness / creativity, love,
play and purpose. . . . Of course we will be with you for all of
this. . . . It is possible, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your
Higher Self.
August
24, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
A
shift has occurred. My visit to the specialist for neurological
testing has borne fruit. First of all, the test proved that, despite
the weakness in my legs, there is no nerve damage. My feet are
responding to electrical stimulus as they should. Second, in my
exchange with the doctor I was informed that when things are no
longer working it’s good to “shake things up” by trying
something completely different. Thus I’m taking up body building
(rather than length or distance swimming, which he also suggested). A
long session at the gym two days ago, working all the major muscle
groups, has left me a happier, more relaxed person. (Besides, what I
understood from the crisis in Gold River was that I needed to
“rebuild my body.”) I believe today that I was becoming “too
spiritual” and thus imbalanced; that I was trying to solve problems
like pain and suffering through only the spiritual realms rather than
through strengthening my body and outer persona. . . . What’s the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: “When you are happy, we are happier” (as we’ve
said before). Now you’re getting it from your own perspective. It’s
what you’ve always wanted—you see now, don’t you: to be
happier.
Indeed.
It truly feels as if I am learning a new language this week. . . .
Body-building had never occurred to me; and in my background in a
(“humble”) Christian environment, activities like this were not
encouraged. But I want to look good and feel good; to be strong and
healthy, able to deal with life; to smile more often; to experience
joy; to “carry myself well”; to “hold my head up high.”
Otherwise I’m suffering—and what’s the point of that?
Welcome
to the world of happiness, Mr Neall—like a chick emerging from an
egg. . . . No guilt, no shame, no self-punishment—just a real (and
happy) person. As one of your teachers, Chuck Spezzano
[www.psychologyofvision.com] has written, “If it’s not a
happy belief it’s not a true belief.”
It
takes someone with a PhD to say something like that [Spezzano has a
PhD in psychology??] I have a friend with a PhD and years ago I
wanted one too. After thinking about it for a long time, I realized I
wanted a PhD in F.U.N., or happiness. It seems as if you are “a
creator of PhDs in the University of Life”—a level or two up from
the University of Adversity.
We
are here to help in any way we can.
Thank
you for helping me. Please don’t stop.
We
can’t—we’re part of you. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Peace
and happiness be with you always.
August
25, 2012: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you tonight, Mr. Neall, as always.
After
another body-building session this morning my upper body feels strong
but the rest of me feels unwell. Bob Dylan’s “Desolation Row”
was playing in my mind a while ago. . . . What’s the most important
thing to know in order for me to feel better; to return to love and
light in my soul?
Dear
Neall: We are always with you and without judgment—“just friends,
no matter what.” Congratulations on two workout sessions this week.
It’s good to feel strong, and the unlimited-hot-water shower
afterwards provides a treat for your body. . . . Love begins with
yourself, Mr. Neall. (Not the first time we’ve said that, but it
bears repeating.) Do whatever it takes, Mr. Neall. Stop all other
activities. That’s what prayer and meditation times are for: return
to the self: the self-liking self. Nourish that innocent child within
you who only wanted love, caring and attention. You’re the only one
who can do it now; the only one who knows when it’s particularly
needed—like when you want to change “Desolation Row” to “Love
Can Build A Bridge.”
August
30, 2012: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall—always ready to communicate.
Thank
you. I want more love and light in my life, and guidance regarding my
health and a physical home in Campbell River, now that I’ve decided
this where I will live. What are the most important things to know in
these areas of concern?
Dear
Mr. Neall: There is no lack in your Higher Self. We are a
self-sufficient, eternal, unlimited force that fills the
universe—“bigger than the Big Dipper, bigger even than the
awesome Milky Way,” as you state in your daily prayer treatments.
As you understand from your moments in an expanded state, anything is
possible: new situations arise; people’s plans change; unexpected
income shows up; you read the fine print in an ad; a piece of paper
falls on the floor that has relevant information on it. . . . The
important thing is to be in the expanded state—which is the result
of your disciplines: prayers, this writing, meditation, contemplation
while walking. We are always ready to connect with you. We have
nothing else to do than to be concerned for your happiness. REPEAT:
We have nothing else to do than to be concerned for your
happiness . . .
.
. . It’s a dedicated channel, Mr. Neall, designed to create results
in any area of life. Let it create results in yours. Let it create
freedom from fear and worry, good health, feelings of abundance—out
of which a home is created. Let it bring love into your life—morning,
noon and night; companionship; comfort; courage; self-affinity; peace
of mind; connection with like-minded others; clarity of purpose and
path; illumination; upliftment; inspiration; happiness . . .
[yawning] . . . unlimited thinking; humour.
The
whole enchilada . . .
You
got it.
How
could I feel more hopeful about my health tonight? I can do a lot
with EFT and prayer; still there are the prostate and lower back
issues—“annihilation of my masculinity” I would say, to sum it
up in a few words. I don’t feel comfortable enough in my emotions
to take photographs, which is often an enjoyable (and emotional)
experience. . . . So it is joy that I have lost these
days—that’s what’s missing. Connection with my inner child,
too—the relationship that is about happiness. I need to connect
with him. Please help. (I get a cramp in my gut when he feels ignored
and wants attention.)
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are recognizing the problem—good. We represent an
unlimited source that is always ready to help. Please accept our deep
compassion for your situation; for your feelings of annihilation.
It’s more of your “the son must die to appease the wrath of the
father” pattern—triggered by your long (by your standards)
conversation with a man your own age at the gym today; including
while naked in the shower. You were relaxed after your workout and
enjoying the endless streams of hot water (solar-heated water, which
holds special meaning for you). You made a positive connection with
him—then went into self-attack once again over this “success,”
this experience of fearless, mature male behaviour.
It
seemed like a pretty big deal at the time. I haven’t had much male
companionship lately—the result of the moving around I’ve been
doing (and my ingrained patterns). Thankfully I have you to work this
out with.
We
never quit, Mr. Neall—we don’t know the expression. We teach
love; fearlessness; the overcoming of problems of any stripe, at any
level. Today we are teaching self-love—to help you change
your father’s (unconscious and ignorant) opinion of you; to help
you see that it was his loss not to have you in his life; to help you
find your “missing masculinity”; to help you accept yourself
unconditionally, no matter your past . . . [burping] .
. . That is the task, Mr. Neall. That is part of your building “a
future unlike your past”—as you pray for each day. . . . We never
abandon anyone, and will always be available for this type of
spiritual work. As you realize, this is what is required for you to
become healthy and happy and “on course.”
I
do indeed. Thank you. Blessings.
Vaya
con Dios, Mr. Neall. “Love always”. Your Higher Self.
September
3, 2012, Labour Day: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall—close at hand.
I
wish to express my gratitude for the guidance that has brought me to
Campbell River, where I can begin to put down roots; get grounded in
a community; develop my creative ideas; and get the right kind of
help with my health. So many things “feel right” here for me: a
modern community that is not living in lack, with an interest in its
own history, with bookstores and an arts community; fitness centres
with good rates; a city close to nature—in fact, right in
nature: people are fishing in the river and the ocean right in
town; an abundance of island and ocean and mountain views; with
health food stores and progressive medical practitioners. . . . My
health is improving with the body-building workouts and the
homeopathic treatments. I’m starting to be able to look forward
again . . . especially after being “surprised by joy”
yesterday—the joy of your presence, unannounced, telling me I was
on the right path; and later imagining myself feeling strong and
healthy as an artist / author of a published book of photography. . .
. I am grateful for everything and everyone that has brought me to
this point in my development, in my expansion.
Dear
Mr. Neall: As you know, we are glad to help, and will always help.
“No problem too big to solve.”
My
life had become a big problem for me . . . [tears] . . .
.
. . And you believed in something: the power of affirmative prayer.
You believed something better—some change—was available, even
though you didn’t know how to get there. You believed that “there
is always a way”—for everyone, no matter their circumstances. You
believed in healing (a big notion) and sought help from (fellow)
healers. You believed, Mr. Neall, and it happened—and at a
pace you could manage. And now you are changed . . .
[burping] . . . Congratulations. . . . Now your faith has been
strengthened; you see more clearly how change works. . . . It never
ends, Mr. Neall, this power called healing. It’s “in the air”
all the time—as you state in your song “Stop, Look and Listen.”
It is an unlimited, eternal, universal force that can be tapped into
at any moment.
And
“Thank God for that.”
You
are welcome to partake of this energy at any time, Mr. Neall. We
never go away; we never sleep; we abandon no one.
So
I’ve noticed. . . . Again, I am grateful—as I am for living in a
wealthy region of a wealthy province of a wealthy country of a
wealthy continent; for my personal mobility and vehicular mobility;
for today’s bright, warm sunshine; for all those who are helping to
uplift humanity: therapists, counsellors, healers, spiritual guides,
mentors, artists, musicians, writers, the Ascended Masters. “For
the lack of a teacher a life is lost,” as it is said [by ???]
For
the lack of a willing student as well.
I’m
feeling more confident of your continued presence in my life.
That
will help you in every facet of life, Mr. Neall. And it will make you
happier. . . . With our good wishes, Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
September
5, 2012: Parking lot, Black Creek General Store, Highway 19A, Black
Creek, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall—in sunshine or in rain.
This
morning I did a very deep EFT session on the painful childhood
feelings of “not fitting in” with my family of origin, and the
anger of not being treated well—feelings that were affecting my
well-being six decades later (pointed out recently by a psychic
healer). The old feelings released through great belching sounds,
louder and deeper than ever before. If it’s true that these
feelings are now actually gone, it would account for me being
somewhat disoriented and “lonely” this afternoon (and drinking an
icy strawberry-banana slush drink to “freeze” my unfamiliar new
feelings). . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You’re definitely “in the program” today. As the
wise part of you knows: In the long run you are better off to have
dissolved the old situation, through it is unsettling at first to not
be carrying that old pain around. Take time to nourish yourself; try
not to criticize yourself over feeling disoriented: You are arriving
in present time after decades of being stuck in the past—getting
your head above water, as it were. It takes time to adjust. It’s a
good exercise to not criticize yourself whenever unusual feelings
come up (or for having your once-a-year slush drink); to not judge
yourself right away. Tell your inner critic and judge to “take a
hike.” . . . Love, love, love, Mr. Neall—love yourself—today.
Find a way to stop the inner critic. Forgive yourself every
‘mistake’—sixty years’ worth—that’s what God does. . . .
Feel the power in that.
I
can indeed . . . [tears] . . . [burping] . . . My mind doesn’t
often think that big . . .
A
chance to stretch it today.
I
accept. I do want to grow; to become more mature . . . [burping] . .
. more forgiving.
You’re
in the right place for that.
Thank
you for the teaching today—I’m feeling better.
You’re
welcome, Mr. Neall. Vaya con Dios from your always available
Higher Self.
September
7, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Right
with you, Mr. Neall—“pals forever.”
I
forget sometimes . . . okay, I forget a lot. . . . I’m in grief
over not having found a home yet in Campbell River, despite
connecting with several people and placing Internet ads. My thinking
isn’t big enough, my courage lacking, perhaps. What’s the most
important thing to know today about this situation, as well as my
health / healing / recovery?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please accept our concern for you: concern as in caring
rather than worry. Please accept that we will never abandon you; that
we will never be apart again. Please accept that your grieving brings
empowerment and makes room for new ideas and lightens you up. “The
“old house” is falling apart to make room for a new one—just as
is happening across the street (where a wooden structure has been
knocked into a pile of rubble by a large machine). . . . It’s all
for good, Mr. Neall. Please accept that too.
Renewal
. . .
Renewal,
Mr. Neall, as in “Be ye transformed by the changing of your mind.”
What
else do I need to know today—other than to perhaps take a rest . .
. and a break from having sessions with mentors and healers, and
trust more in my own inner wisdom?
Be
at peace, Neall—do whatever brings you peace today. Your outlook on
life is changing, as you know. The childhood pain is fading. Keep
praying, as you do, to be “in the right place, at the right time,
with the right people, the right amount of money, the right purpose
and path . . .” et cetera. We’ll be right there with you—always,
in all ways. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your Higher Self.
September
9, 2012: Campsite 50, Miracle Beach Provincial Park, Black Creek, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, in brotherhood.
I’m
suffering a lot today—stuck in “fate thinking” rather than
“destiny thinking.” I’d like to speak to the God of love; the
God who forgives sixty years of mistakes in thinking.
Dear
Mr. Neall: “Fear not, for I bring you tidings of great joy” . . .
[tears, yawns] . . .
I’m
longing to experience joy . . . and love . . . [yawns, burping] . .
. and innocence and empowerment . . .
Dear
Mr. Neall: You want to “change your thinking, change your mind”
and you’ve come to the right place. Congratulations on deciding yet
again to trust that your Higher Self has answers to these kinds of
issues. For it is joy itself. It is peace. It is wisdom. It is
abundance. It is the Big Picture. It is “the eternal givingness of
life to itself” (as you write in the introduction to your photo art
book about flowers). . . . There is no lack here—of anything.
Pull from the source, Mr. Neall. Take what you require—morning,
noon, evening, night. . . . Unlimited—we are unlimited.
The
Good News . . . still here.
Never-ending.
. . . Ready to fill every nook and cranny of your cranium.
Please
do—whatever it might take for me to relax tonight, to feel hopeful
of experiencing the joy you speak of. It seems like a distant memory:
it’s there somewhere—but either very small or very far away, or
both. How can I grow it; bring it nearer? It seems essential to start
to do this now.
Dear
Mr. Neall: You’ve reached out: that’s the way. Feel the “big
energy” of the stars coming into your consciousness here and now.
You’ve been praying every day to know the Great Force that
encompasses these lesser forces: Ursa Major (the Big Dipper; Sky
Bear), the awesome Milky Way; to know the Big Picture; to become free
from fear and worry . . . [tears, sobs] . . . Now it’s
happening; now we are here . . . [yawns] . . . in love; in
light; in compassion . . . [yawns, burping] . . . in healing
. . . because you’ve let us in. . . . And because we are not
separate from you we can always be invoked—even though at times we
shrink in your consciousness to the size of an atom.
Thank
you. . . . Is there anything else I need to know tonight about my
health / healing / recovery?
Your
faith is what “sets you free,” Mr. Neall—your choosing to make
time for this writing, this communication. Blessed be the
communicators—always, dear one, in all ways. . . . Your friend
forever. Your Higher Self.
September
13, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self. It’s been four days—too long;
I’ve been missing you.
We’re
right here where we’ve always been, Mr. Neall—in your heart; part
of your mind; a piece of your consciousness that you can tune in to.
The
challenge (for an introvert) of building a new life in a new town
continues: how to find suitable accommodation; how to meet creative
and compassionate people; how to start enjoying myself; how to
increase my income. . . . What’s the most important thing to know
about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Congratulate yourself for having found your geographical
place in the world; for coming up with ideas to propel yourself
forward (counsellor, support group); for turning to the resources of
your Higher Self; for keeping up your disciplines of morning and
afternoon prayers; daily walks in nature; gym visits recently;
sessions with healers; catharsis sessions on a local stretch of
freeway to reduce built-up tensions.
Now
I’m asking to be filled with love and light; to experience this new
power I feel in an integrated way; to know that I’m “on course.”
Of
course you’re “on course” . . . [yawning] . . . you’re
talking to your source! Our love never ends, Mr. Neall. As
you’ve written previously, there is no situation in which this love
does not apply—“homeless or not . . . in pain or not . . .
introvert or extravert,” et cetera. . . . “Be love and be
loved”—what else would you want? Be gay; be happy. Be joy,
lightness and ease; fun, laughter and play.
.
. . and you never go away . . .
We
can’t, Mr. Neall—we’re part of you. See if you can relax into
it. We’re always available: No end of help—for eternity.
For
eternity. . . . That bears repeating. “I am taken care of for
eternity.”
Yes.
For always and ever: “forever friends.”
I
want and need to let that sink in today . . . because I know the
corollary: freedom from fear and worry.
Exactly.
Just as Jesus teaches, especially in the book you like, Walking
Through Illusion by Betsy Otter Thompson.
He
seems close by . . .
He’s
never far away, Mr. Neall, with his message of love and self-love;
compassion; non-judgment; inclusivity; self-responsibility;
empowerment; the physics of emotional action and reaction; life as a
self-chosen assignment in soul expansion.
“A
man after my own heart” . . .
Well
put, Mr. Neall. “Put yourself in the picture,” as it is said.
That’s
my plan.
It’s
a good one. . . . From one heart to another: Vaya con Dios. Your
Higher Self.
September
15. 2012: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self—my source.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, sunshine or rain. [It’s been unseasonably
warm, sunny and clear for six straight weeks here on the Wet Coast,
and there’s still no rain in sight; hours-of-sunshine records are
being set.]
What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today? Is it possible that, with the attending of my first Campbell
River 12-Step type of group yesterday, that I have found a “family
of the heart” such as I have been seeking for years? Or is this
going to cause me more stress than I can handle?
Dear
Mr. Neall: The important thing is that you are trying things out;
seeing what fits; seeing whether the rewards of telling your story,
of being known, of finding like-minded companionship outweigh the
stress that they cause. People who are living from their hearts [the
focus of this program] don’t want to cause you any stress. Their
lives have been changed by knowing Jesus—as yours is in process of
being.
Indeed.
. . . I’m reaching for more maturity.
Your
goal is a good one, Mr. Neall. We offer no end of help for peaceful
growth, for healing, companionship, mentoring, humour,
friendship—whatever it takes.
Again,
I’m trying to let this aspect of abundance—our relationship—“soak
in.”
Take
the time you need, Mr. Neall—there’s no pressure. You are
learning to love yourself—the most important task of your life; the
ground from which all true success springs.
I
will “do my best and leave the rest.”
Wise
words, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios from your Sunshine Superman,
your Higher Self.
September
18, 2012: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall—without fail.
I
just had an image pass through my mind—of myself as a connected,
relaxed, strong, successful, smiling artist: a complete reinvention
of myself. Being at the gym for a good body-building session this
morning had something to do with that, I believe, as did several
friendly e-mails today and a new therapist. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are “working it out,” one day at a time. You are
believing in self-love and love, getting help and support,
intensifying your health disciplines—transforming yourself. Know
that we will never let you down, on your path. As you know, when you
are happy (free from guilt and shame and anger and hurt), we are
happier. Don’t quit, Mr. Neall: Don’t stop arriving in
present time, free from your past; don’t stop challenging the
status quo, the pain you live with; don’t stop learning about love
and communication, to bring you out of isolation; don’t stop
contacting your source of upliftment and inspiration, through prayer
and this writing; don’t stop seeking stillness and solitude, for
integration; don’t stop developing your art and writing and musical
ideas, or studying books like the one you’re reading now [Morning,
Noon and Night: Living the Creative Life by Judy Collins] . . .
.
. . Don’t stop forgiving yourself for every ‘mistake’ of the
past sixty years; don’t stop reaching for joy. You deserve it; you
are worthy of it. You are worthy of being loved, cared about and
getting more attention for your skills and talents. . . . And when
you fall down, we are still here—no judgment in this school you are
in: the school of unconditional love; the school of inner peace; the
school of abundance; the school of happiness; the school of “good
enough.” Remember that you are a student, Mr. Neall, and claim
those qualities for yourself. They’re “in the air,
everywhere”—always available.
I
can imagine these qualities being all around me. I grow into them.
Indeed,
that is the way. Those are the rewards of diligent study. Claim your
place as a student, and then you’ll be able to claim your place as
a teacher.
And
this goal “pulls me forward,” rather than the pain pushing me.
Yes.
. . . Comprenez, our friend?
I
do . . . [yawning] . . .
Blessings
for a safe trip home [to the campground]. Vaya con Dios. Your
Higher Self (Wendy’s version).
September
22, 2012: Campsite 35, Elk Falls Provincial Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my friend, my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall, without judgment, without struggle or
effort.
There’s
a shakeup going on inside me. I’m discovering the positive part of
my childhood—through music. Finding a new CD at the thrift store
this week [Red White and Brass by the Canadian Brass] and then
playing it, I was reconnected to my boyhood five years of playing in
Surrey Brass Band in the Lower Mainland of BC, from age ten to
fifteen. We made good music as we marched in parades, including the
Pacific National Exhibition parade in Vancouver, and put on concerts
in the community. I played tuba (also known as “double B-flat
bass”). Five of the songs on the CD are ones we used to play, among
them the lively marches of John Philip Sousa. Listening to this music
feels like an honouring of the boy I was. . . . I also had a two-hour
coffee conversation with the facilitator of the Twelve-Step group
meeting, which covered much of my childhood and adolescence. . .
What’s the most important thing to know tonight about my health /
healing / recovery? Am I truly moving forward out of my past now?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Honouring your boyhood (or your out-of-control
adolescence) by sharing it this week with another adult male, or in
any other way, is always a positive activity. Ending a pattern of
self-criticism can bring nothing but good, and help clear the path to
a happier future, to more love and light. . . . Don’t quit, Mr.
Neall. Don’t stop seeking to learn addiction recovery;
communication skills; the heart-centred life. Don’t stop seeking to
expand your knowledge of art and music and writing and literature; .
. . [yawning] . . . to grow in wisdom and calmness and inner
peace; in capacity for relationship. We are always available to
teach—24 / 7 . . . [yawning and tears] . . . “No end of
help,” Mr. Neall: help to expand your soul; to grow your maturity.
That
is amazing to hear. I am grateful for this “permanent partnership”
. . . [yawning] . . .
It’s
what love does. . . . It’s the language of the heart that is
being taught and learned here; the language of “freedom from fear
and worry.”
I’m
all for that kind of freedom—having felt constricted by worry and
fear for decades.
Diligently
doing your (life’s) homework is all that is asked of you, Mr.
Neall, in return for our teaching.
I
accept the student role. I am willing to learn my lessons.
Well
done, Mr. Neall. You are acceptable in all ways. . . . Vaya con Dios.
Your Higher Self, Saturday night edition.
September
24, 2012: Campsite 35, Elk Falls Park, Campbell River, BC [5:00 a.m.]
I
wish to speak to my friend, my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
I
have to ask: Why isn’t my path easier? What am I putting in the way
of finding a home in Campbell River? I suppose it is always the same
answer: my own negativity; lack of faith; lack of trust. . . . So, I
have come to you once more, dear Higher Self, to trust once more that
your ideas are better than mine; that your principles will get me
“home” faster than my own distorted thinking and will bring me
the peace and the love, the freedom from fear and worry that I am
seeking. What is the path today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Welcome back. You are infinitely, limitlessly welcome
here, without judgment or criticism. Please “make yourself at
home.” You are safe— period. Let these thoughts and feelings
percolate into your whole being; fill you up. Let this be your
filling station, as you learned much earlier—your station for
filling up with love and light; for nourishing yourself, nourishing
your spirit . . . out of which your conditions can change.
I
think I’ve become emotionally burned out once again. Too much
“excitement” for me with an intense support group and long talks
with its facilitator, a “conventional Christian,” like my parents
became. Can I trust this group? Can I trust that I am “at home”
in these writings?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Find a way to love yourself today, as you are so good at
doing, with your experienced “inner health detective.” Accept
that you are experimenting with what works for you in your present,
energized self—someone who has already changed a lot through
diligent attention to his well-being; through his disciplines and
courage. . . . Sometimes when nothing else works, spend a few hours
thinking about everything you have to be grateful for—including
hands that work so well for doing writing, and driving, and eating,
and creativity, and healing, and signalling to others, and touching
others; how extraordinarily well-designed and beautifully complex and
capable they are. Then move to your eyesight, your hearing, your
brain, and so on; and your skills and talents. Whatever it takes to
move into a higher frame of mind; to a place free from fear and
worry; free from recycling the same old thoughts over and over; free
from the self-negating habits of a lifetime and more.
Thank
you. Time for more sleep. [6:00 a.m.]
September
24, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my friend, my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall—always ready to communicate.
What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today? How could I love myself more? How could I live more in the
heart of God? Live more effortlessly . . . more happily?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You took an important step today: showing your mandala
images to one of the graphic design agencies in Campbell River.
Congratulations. You will have three framed images in a Courtenay art
show for a month. Feel how “effortless” it is to do this; how
pleasurable to talk about beauty and creativity; to receive
compliments like “stunning” or “I like this one” or “Look
at that fish!” or “You should charge more.”
I
think I’m emotionally tired still from last week’s meetings, plus
a long therapy session this morning. I want to use our conversation
to get recharged; to help my lower back feel better; to become
peaceful in my mind. There’s been quite a few good changes in the
past week—connections with people after my long summer of solitude;
and reconnection with my wonderful inner “marching boy” of the
Surrey Brass Band.
Be
blessed, Mr. Neall—morning, noon and night. The smiles and laughter
(as you’re hearing from nearby tables tonight) will come when you
feel safe and rested and empowered. No true God has anything against
laughter and feeling good. Let go and let God, Mr. Neall. Let
yourself be fathered (and mothered) tonight; let yourself feel safe,
secure, supported, sufficient, taken care of . . . “safe in the
arms of God”—and not only tonight, but forever. It is one of the
options in a limitless universe that operates without effort.
I
surrender to effortlessness . . . and laughter . . .
Good
plan, Mr. Neall. And you’ve already surrendered to beauty and
creativity. Try out love and inner peace whenever you feel like
it—and the constant companionship of a “forever friend” who
will never, ever abandon you or let you down.
I
give . . . I give . . .
Is
that a smile? . . . [yawning] . . .
I
believe it is.
So
you’re feeling better? . . . [yawning] . . .
It
appears so . . . [more yawning] . . .
Then
our job is done. Call on us at any time, Mr. Neall. We truly are a
“forever friend.” . . . Vaya con Dios, amigos. Your high-speed
Campbell River connection—your Higher Self.
September
30, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall—your “forever friend.”
This
lack of a home and money is becoming a problem. The nights are
getting colder. I want to be able to cook good meals, and use the
Internet for writing and photography and researching wellness. The
Wal-Mart parking lot (free camping for travellers) doesn’t really
cut it any more. I’ve got the solitude I want, but nothing else.
What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing /
recovery tonight, from the friend who judges me not?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Good things are happening, as you realize from your dreams
[sitting with the Dalai Lama and other honourable and empowered
Buddhists in a powerful, low-flying jet plane]. You are getting more
energy, are in less pain, and are feeling stronger and lighter. You
are understanding that you need to supplant the dysfunctional
religious beliefs of your past with new beliefs that make sense to
you and that speak to the Good Life you long to live. The book you
ordered from the library last year that finally arrived last week has
information that resonates with your soul [Bodhisattva of
Compassion: The Mystical Tradition of Kuan Yin by John Blofeld].
It speaks to the end of the negative, foundational Christian
archetype that hurt you so badly [“the son must die to appease
the wrath of the father”].
I
wept, reading one of the beautiful stories of faith in Blofeld’s
book.
Cry
on, Mr. Neall. It’s your healing, your empowerment, your happiness
that you’re growing.
I
need you to supply hope regarding finances and a home, the problem
being that with my Union Bay house-sit scheduled for November this
year rather than early October, I have a gap of over a month to fill
between now and then. Help!
As
you are learning, Mr. Neall, the problems (and the solutions) exist
in Mind. The bigger you can think, the more opportunities can arise.
The universe contains infinite possibilities, so when you practise
(as you are at this moment) being part of an infinite universe, you
are declaring that something besides your small, conditioned mind is
operating in, around and through you. . . . And it is a universe
based on love. It is love that is available (as freedom
from fear and worry) as you enter uncharted territory as you progress
on your healing journey; as you learn to communicate in ways you
haven’t known how to; as you embrace life from a stance of
empowerment rather than victimization; as you learn to live in
present time and experience emotions other than numbness, lust and
rage. . . .
.
. . It’s a new world, Mr. Neall: Celebrate every victory, no matter
how small; be grateful for every good that comes your way; forgive
yourself every mistake; study, study, study; pray often; embrace
Nature and fresh air; find a reason to smile and laugh.
It
all sounds good.
It
is, Mr. Neall, and it is available, here and now. . . . Blessings.
Vaya con Dios. Your (celebrating) Higher Self.
October
2, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, always available: the Good Parent (and much
else).
I’m
out of ideas and lacking money for a home. I don’t know whether I’m
not worrying, or just unconscious of my own survival needs. I’m
sleeping fairly well, and my regular workout sessions are creating
new strength. How can I move forward now? Create income through
photography? Solve my home issues? Stay positive and empowered? Live
from my heart?
Dear
Neall: We are with you, in love and in light. Your discipline is
improving and you are learning to turn to your Higher Self at any
time of day. Your reading is teaching you more about people who live
with faith: you are becoming one of them. You have engaged a
counsellor to help you deal with old patterns that have surfaced as a
result of your stepping out to change your life. You understand
“inner figures of power” more clearly (e.g., Barack Obama, about
whom you discovered a fine magazine article at the library today
[Vanity Fair, October 2012]); you confronted with a
friend your fears of appearing needy and received a positive response
. . .
.
. . You are becoming more mature, Mr. Neall. You are “doing the
work” of becoming happy and peaceful. . . . Please know that we
will never leave you. We are your partner in growth, healing and
change. We welcome this dialogue, and are always available to you,
night and day, as we are to all sincere seekers. Please remember that
there is no judgment on your life; that unconditional love is
available to you 24 / 7; that living from the heart creates a most
wonderful journey, one you will never regret. . . . Blessings, Mr.
Neall. Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
October
6, 2012: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall, without fail, happy or not.
Thinking
of you tonight brought tears of joy. I’ve felt good all day after
my 6:00 a.m. catharsis during a drive on the freeway. Yesterday I
challenged myself to once again attend the Finding Freedom program at
a local church, for survivors of dysfunctional families
[www.findingfreedom.ca], after missing a week and deeply debating
whether to continue. Having faced the challenge, then spending two
hours at the gym, I’m feeling stronger not only physically but
emotionally and mentally. . . . What’s the most important thing to
know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
.
. . [burping] . . . Dear Neall: Please know that we love you,
no matter what, and that we fully support your
inner-peace-and-happiness program, and we always will. Please believe
that it is possible to rebuild your health and strength. Know
this to be true. Know that the life of the awakened heart is well
worth living; it is the key to everything you want: fearlessness,
compassion for yourself and others, and self-esteem: no more
self-criticism or self-sabotage; more feelings of wholeness and joy,
fewer feelings of brokenness.
I’m
all for that, dear one.
It’s
the product of discipline, a notion that has to do with
discipleship. As Carl Jung wrote to the “hopeless alcoholic”
Bill W. [a founder of Alcoholics Anonymous], “Put yourself
in a spiritual environment and hope for the best.” . . . Change is
possible, even for people like you, Mr. Neall, who felt broken,
burdened and hopeless for decades, and beyond. . . . “Follow your
heart; do what you love” is the path to the freedom you are
seeking. And with a “silent” partner who knows nothing of failure
the load begins to lighten; opportunities appear; there can be a New
Dawn—just as you enjoyed this morning after your empowering
catharsis session. . . . Don’t quit, Mr. Neall. Don’t ever quit
learning, studying, trying things out. . . .
.
. . Know that you are endlessly blessed—just as you too have begun
to (engage in) bless(ing) others. Know that you are loved
unconditionally and that this love is always available—always.
It will never end. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
October
10, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall—endlessly, effortlessly, gladly.
What’s
the most important thing to know tonight about my health / healing /
recovery?
As
you are getting to know, Mr. Neall, you are navigating a midlife
crisis, seeking new attitudes, new approaches, new direction, new
energy, new ideas—reinvention, in a word. Bless you for
taking this on and for not giving up. . . . You are getting help, as
you know, from your dreams (the Dalai Lama) in this new direction;
help in developing compassion (affection) for yourself and others, in
building a future unlike your past, in dissolving chronic fatigue and
other illness states, in transforming pain into useful energy. There
is nothing more important to be doing, for anyone on this planet, Mr.
Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
October
13, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall.
The
challenges continue, dear one: to feel more peaceful, more abundant
and deserving and worthy of a good life. What’s the most important
thing to know about my health / healing/ recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Know that you are loved—unconditionally. There is no
judgment on your life, your lifestyle, your progress or lack of it.
You are sorting out your life at a deep level, letting go of ‘failed’
relationships, embracing the positive parts of your boyhood through
the musical therapy of listening to brass band recordings. Feel how
much more personal power you have after your intense grieving of the
woman you met in Toronto when you were twenty-seven and couldn’t
get a relationship going with—whom you dreamt about recently and
realized that she had been “the one.” She can live in your heart
forever, Mr. Neall. You can speak to her, spirit-to-spirit, at any
time, as you can with anyone. . . .
.
. . You are learning self-care, self-love and
empowerment—prerequisites for happiness. You are learning to
believe in yourself, to trust in life—in you, around you and
through you—and to know a bigger picture, one that makes life
easier. You are learning to live a future unlike your past—one
based on love and respect, hope, creativity, communication,
compassion and (occasionally so far) conviviality. . . . We are with
you as anything you need in order to move forward: teacher, mentor,
friend, mother, father, brother, sister, wellness expert, force of
inspiration, wise elder. We will never let you down or abandon
you. We are not too busy—there is nothing else that we do—
My
‘forever friend.’
You’ve
got it, Mr. Neall: your ‘forever friend.’
It’s
taking me a long time to truly believe in this type of relationship.
We
are patient, Mr. Neall. It doesn’t matter how many times you need
to hear it or rediscover it—ten times, sixty-four times, one
thousand times . . .
You
are the one I’ve always been seeking—The Nameless; ‘the circle
whose centre is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere’
[Blaise Pascal]; the ne plus ultra; the Beloved . . . [yawning] . . .
the One in All / the All in One . . . [yawning] . . .
We
are The One . . . [yawning] . . .
What’s
the most important thing to know, then, about finding a good home (on
my budget)?
You
are doing the right things, Mr. Neall—the inner work of changing
your consciousness; asking for help; living from your heart as much
as possible; “sniffing around” on Internet and newspaper
classifieds and on local bulletin boards, et cetera; keeping all
options open; having friends pray for you.
Above
all, to not criticize myself . . .
Indeed.
. . . Love, love, love [café sound system song: John Lennon
singing “Imagine”].
I
didn’t realize till now how gentle John’s voice is on that song .
. .
That
song has touched a lot of hearts . . .
He’s
singing from his empowered soul—John is a teacher to me.
Good
to know that, Mr. Neall—just as we are: a teacher who will never
quit. . . . Explore music to your heart’s content (note the word
‘content’). . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
October
22, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, always ready to connect.
I’ve
lost touch with you. It happens so subtly. I think I’m in a
forward-looking, positive state, and then all of a sudden I realize
I’m not, and things look hopeless and dark again. What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Our most important attribute is love, which
includes freedom from self-attack, blame, shame, guilt, self-doubt,
self-criticism, self-punishment, self-pity, self-righteousness—or
any other state you may be caught up in. We teach purpose, path,
possibility, perspective, perspicacity, perseverance, patience and
empowerment. We do more than teach this, in fact, we are
this—morning, noon and night . . . [yawning] . . .
Believe it, Mr. Neall. Believe that these qualities are in you as
well. Believe that you are involved in a blessèd partnership that
can be rediscovered at any time; resurrected; brought back to life.
Reconnecting with your Higher Self can change the bleakest outlook,
and you have already done it many times. This book is testimony to
that. Your sitting down to do this writing tonight is testimony to
your desire for change, and your acceptance that discipline is
required to do so. Congratulations. You are becoming more mature. . .
. Please know that we will never fail you; will never not show up
when called upon. It is impossible for that to happen, as we have
said previously. We are part of you, and will always be, though at
times we become as small as an atom in your consciousness.
That’s
what it feels like (again) now. How can I expand the part of me that
is you? How can I give you a bigger role in my life . . . my plan for
happiness?
Dear
Mr. Neall: This is the way . . . loving yourself back to health.
Accepting help. Reaching out. Surrendering to not knowing; to not
having all the answers. Being vulnerable, open to change. Considering
life as an adventure—an adventure in change, or healing; in
self-acceptance; in letting someone, or something, else “take over”
for a while—like your Higher Self.
Again?
Again
and again and again . . . [yawning] . . . any day of the week,
any month, any season. Every moment is a good one for opening the
heart . . . [yawning] . . . of having compassion for oneself
and one’s struggles; for being at peace with one’s past—and
one’s future.
‘Compassion
for one’s struggles’ . . . that stands out . . .
We
don’t judge you, Mr. Neall. Never have, never will. We are your
eternal, permanent partner in change—nothing can change that fact.
We are also your friend, your compañionero, who doesn’t want to
see you suffer, who is happier when you are happy, who loves
to see you peaceful and ‘on the road to recovery,’ who loves to
have you be cheerful.
My
eternal friend . . . [yawning] . . .
Your
eternal, always-forgiving friend.
Pace,
pace, pace . . . peace, peace, peace.
And
why not? It’s one of the options in an unlimited universe. . . .
And suffering is truly ‘optional.’
All
right, let it be so. Let it be so. I surrender the suffering.
I accept your wisdom, help and guidance. You’re having a better
time than I am. I am grateful for your presence. You never fail me.
That’s
our specialty—“specialty of the house”: love and light that
never fails, will never fail, cannot fail, shines on and on, has a
sense of humour, uplifts, inspires, is patient and persevering,
gentle, sure, true, abundant, appropriate to the situation, kind,
available. . . . Take us with you wherever you go, Mr. Neall. . . .
Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
October
24, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall, in love and light.
I’m
getting the peace of mind I want, through solitary living, sleeping
deeply; trying not to judge myself for living in my van through
chilly late October rains, studying fate vs. destiny in the Robert
Ohotto book. What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are reaching out to people again, after a lot of
solitude. You have a weekly support group (still new, granted) that
includes at least five men (unlike anything you’ve previously
experienced), where you are not judged. You have found an affordable
counsellor who understands the spiritual search, who seems able to be
of help. Your photos have been welcomed by the city’s art gallery.
You are understanding the need for discipline in your life and are
turning to affirmative prayer (and EFT) many times a day if
necessary, knowing the help it provides. You are building your
faith. You are getting to know the forces of love and light. You
are doing the most important work there is to be done: inner
work—freeing yourself from the ‘the binds of lifetimes.’ . . .
Acknowledge yourself, Mr. Neall. Pat yourself on the back . . .
[tears] . . . [yawning] . . .
.
. . We are always with you—always. That’s the guarantee. You are
never alone. Knowing that one thing changes your life forever. And we
are glad to help you do that—anywhere, any time. . . . Vaya con
Dios. Your Higher Self.
October
27, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, always with you.
I’m
having intimations, the result most likely of my weightlifting
workouts, of what it might be like to actually feel strong; to be
living in a body that likes to move, that’s not full of aches and
pains. This goes against everything I learned growing up: The body
can’t be trusted; think only of spirit or God and not about the
body, et cetera. Yet on a radio program this week I heard an author
relate how in a Muslim teaching the body is moved during spiritual
exercises, so that the teaching becomes a lived part of one’s whole
being. This makes sense to me. Many men working out at the gym appear
to be almost in a state of one-pointed meditation. And I feel so good
after an hour and more of cardio training on the stationary bicycle
plus weight training, that there is almost something spiritual about
it. . . . That is, if one counts feeling good, feeling happy, as a
spiritual state. It’s a holistic way of life: mental / emotional /
spiritual / financial / social / AND PHYSICAL. . . . What’s the
most important thing I need to know about my health / healing /
recovery tonight, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Congratulations on your insight and your progress. You are
learning how to keep hope alive. You are learning your own way as
distinct from the ways of the culture you grew up in; disagreeing
with your parents’ path in order to claim your own path, your
freedom. You deserve all the health and strength and good feelings
you can develop, Mr. Neall, and we offer endless, unconditional
support to do so. . . . Blessings. Your Higher Self.
October
31, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, always with you.
I
exhausted myself again last night in chatting with the woman and her
husband who sell the Immunocal product that boosts the immune system.
(I haven’t understood clearly how much smaller-town people [and
Island people] like to chat). Then I feel like a wreck again. I need
to learn to cut conversations even shorter. And I’ve been to two
mechanics for van repairs and still the problematic “clunk” is
happening. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one? How can I grow in
feelings of well-being, deservingness and abundance, and feel more
strongly on my path?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are doing the right thing in consulting with your
Higher Self, which has a bigger perspective. Remember, as we’ve
said before: Never give up. Look how far your perseverance and
disciplines have brought you: a new town for a new start; photos that
attract interest; a camera to pursue your joy; understanding of the
healing journey; courage to attend a support group of mostly males;
friendships; understanding / accepting that life for you requires
being in school forever, willing to learn; relationships of trust;
new relationship with a spiritual teacher—Dalai Lama; inspiring
books to read like Walking Through Illusion [sixth time now];
powerful healing techniques such as EFT and Tonglen breathing; a
new, life-changing health routine in body building; an affordable
counsellor; new appreciation of music as therapy / force for healing
(brass band music).
That’s
quite a list. Thank you.
We
are here to help, Mr. Neall—anyone, anywhere, any time.
Indeed.
It is good.
November
3, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Discovery Harbour Centre Mall, Island
Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall, no matter what the weather, inside or out.
Thank
you. I could use a friend tonight—too much change going on, after
my deep “public” grieving session in my support group yesterday.
I’ve never let go that much with anyone, nor ever felt that much
unconditional support. . . . What now?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Now you experience life with less pain. This is your year
to move forward. 2012 is the year of spiritual cleansing, in
preparation for “easier” spiritual connection in subsequent
years—the real significance of the year 2012, beyond the fear and
hype. . . . Do everything you know how in order to stay balanced, Mr.
Neall: bodybuilding / yoga, prayers throughout the day, EFT, nature
time / walking, connecting with friends, with your counsellor . . .
loving yourself. As you are noticing, your sleep is now more peaceful
than it’s been in years. And you’ve received the “miracle”
you needed around your vehicle, a.k.a. your home: seemingly major
brake / structural problems solved for $80.00. Plus having found an
experienced mechanic, one you can relate to, who charges less than
market rate—part of your abundance system.
All
good things, plus a new photographic idea in progress: shooting
illuminated night scenes through the rain-spattered windshield of my
van during rainstorms. I am pleased with the outcome, with having
this form of creative expression, with being able to artfully
document my new city in a unique way.
Understanding
and accepting your ‘need to create’ is an important aspect of
your growth, Mr. Neall. “Never quit,” we say again. Keep reaching
for your goals, your happiness, your joy, your health, your peace of
mind, your empowerment, your freedom from the past, your ‘filling
up’ with spirit as you doing here now.
I’d
almost forgotten about the ‘human being filling station.’
We
never go away, and we don’t judge you, Mr. Neall. We’re ‘good
to know,’ as we will never let you down—ever. We are part of you
forever—the ‘forever friend,’ the Good Parent, the Answer, the
Way—as you’ve written earlier. Trust, trust, trust; open your
heart—to yourself first, Mr. Neall, in self-affinity,
self-acceptance and self-approvement—out of which being with others
will get easier and easier; out of which doing what you love will
become a natural way of life. “Let go and let God,” Mr. Neall,
until your dreams come true. We’ll be with you for all of
it—without fail. . . . Vaya con Dios. Blessings. Your Higher Self.
November
4, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall.
I
am lightening up. It’s easier to smile, after my deep release of
grief and pain on Friday. Years of tension have disappeared. I
usually try to suspend all important decision-making for about three
days after an experience of such intensity, allowing my mind to come
back to balance. Fortunately I have that space. Tomorrow I will pick
up my framed photo prints in Courtenay and bring them to the Campbell
River Art Gallery, to be part of the Christmas show for seven weeks.
A pleasant experience. . . . What’s the most important thing to
know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are finding your heart—an accomplishment that brings
with it both courage and compassion. You were excited last week to
read about a male life of great courage in the book The Elephant
Whisperer and experienced it rubbing off on you. It’s the secret
to life, Mr. Neall. It’s everything you want: love and empowerment
and inner peace.
Yes,
that is what I want: being creative as a career; feeling supported to
make the changes I need to make; no longer feeling like a victim;
living in a reality that works for me; feeling filled up instead of
empty; looking forward to the next day, the next week; being able to
laugh.
Love,
Mr. Neall—it’s all available through love; through self-care and
self-love and self-nurture; through being responsible (response-able)
for how much love there is in your life; through taking
responsibility for everything that happens to you, including how your
unconscious acts out on the world around you through unusual events,
slips of the tongue, accidents and so on. That’s why daily periods
of self-examination are so important. . . . Keep going, Mr.
Neall—into love and light. The Sufis have a saying: “If you want
to awaken, nothing can get in your way; if you don’t want to
awaken, you will get in your way.” . . . Blessings, Mr.
Neall. Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
November
6, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, available for relationship.
Thank
you. Just what I need and want tonight: a friend—someone who knows
me well: an old friend.
Whatever
your needs, Mr. Neall, we can provide—through this discipline of
automatic writing . . . [yawning] . . . helping you to wake up; to
become happier and healthier; to live with less fear and worry.
Love
is what I’m interested in tonight—love as the antidote to fear
and worry. Love to help me heal and to put a smile on my face. Love
to make life easier, more connected; to bring me into present time.
Dear
Neall: We will never let you down. This teaching has been available
forever and will always be available. It never goes away. It is an
eternal teaching: love and light—available to all, without
judgment. The alpha and omega: beginning and end. The ne plus ultra:
“that above which there is not other.” . . . Fill yourself up
with it, dear one. Feel the connection; experience being accepted
just as you are. No more struggling to be understood or recognized.
Just unconditional love: someone “in your corner”—forever;
“true blue.” Just feeling safe, secure, supported, sufficient,
empowered, free from the problems of the past; looking forward again.
. . .
.
. . Looking forward again, Mr. Neall. Looking forward again.
How great is that? No self-doubt, self-criticism,
self-punishment—that’s what you’re building, brick by brick
(actually thought by thought). Claim all good that’s meant for you,
and never stop claiming it. Claim your positive mind, as when it’s
singing “Love Can Build A Bridge.” Feel the upliftment you
receive from this writing, from your prayers, body-building sessions,
singing, your photography, walking or running in nature . . .
[yawning] . . .
.
. . Never give up, dear one, precious star—never give up. More
light is coming . . . [yawning] . . . Be ready to receive. Be
ready for friendship . . . [yawning] . . . morning, noon and
night. We are . . . [yawning] . . . always with you. . . .
Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
November
9, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, without fear or favour.
Thank
you. What’s the most important thing to know about my health /
healing / recovery tonight? I’ve got a long way to go to recover my
health and strength and feeling of belonging in this world. As I take
positive steps, with a unique support group, regular gym workouts and
expanding my photography activities and connections, living from a
position of empowerment, I wonder just where I have been for the past
couple of decades . . . not present for sure. . . . Okay, no more
self-criticism or self-punishment. . . . Still, you’ve promised to
be with me “through everything” . . .
Dear
Mr. Neall: There is no question of that. We are always available—we
abandon no one. We have nothing else to do than to be of help: to
uplift, inspire, heal, bring humour and energy and hope and an end to
conflict—whatever is needed, wherever it is needed. We never
quit—we can’t, we don’t know the term. We are love and
light—forever . . . [yawning] . . .
And
you have no judgment on me or my lifestyle . . . ever . . .
You’ve
got it, Pontiac!
Some
days it seems hard to believe. I guess it’s those times when I’m
stuck in “everyday mind.” But to know that there is that much
goodness in the world! But then, I know from observation that there
are loving families, loving work relationships, loving friendships
everywhere. There’s just not much of it where I am (yet).
Stay
in school, Mr. Neall . . . see what you can build. Your teacher never
tires of you. Your mentor is always at hand. This partnership is a
permanent possibility.
So
I can’t screw up when I’m in relationship with my Higher Self.
You’ve
got that right.
Incredible.
That
too. . . . Is that the beginnings of a smile?
It
is . . . and I laughed in my Finding Freedom group today—where just
last week I had grieved my “lost life.”
It’s
happening, Mr. Neall . . . [yawning] . . . it’s happening.
And we are glad to be of help in any way. . . . Love and
empowerment: the end of most of your troubles. A God of your
own understanding—everyone wants that, every day of their life.
I
agree.
Go
with God, Mr. Neall, always. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
Your friend. Your Beloved. . . . Be at peace, blessèd one.
November
10, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear one, always close at hand.
I
wish tonight to know the barriers to me having a home and to receive
some hope that this is achievable now. I understand that I have made
progress in changing my life: a new town, focus on my artistic and
creative joy: photography, with a new series of ‘night rain’
shots; an effective support group / healing community the likes of
which I have never found anywhere. The next step must be a warm and
dry, affordable home. It’s coming on to winter, and my “indulgence”
in outdoor living / camping is merely that now: an indulgence—and
an uncomfortable one at that. Please help.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Welcome to the real world, where most people live in homes
and have neighbours, and many feel some connection to their
community, sometimes for generations. Welcome to accepting yourself
as an ‘unfinished’ human being. Welcome to a new opportunity to
love yourself unconditionally and to being someone who can admit to
needing help in his life—and someone who can accept it when it
arrives . . .
.
. . Empowerment, Mr. Neall. The issue is a lack of
empowerment—manifesting as that painful knot of tension in your
solar plexus area—another level of male victimization from your
father and older brothers come to the surface, asking for attention.
That
calls for a catharsis session, so I’ll head out and do that now.
We
are with you in everything, Mr. Neall. Be safe, secure, supported and
sufficient. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
[Later
that evening] . . . That was a good session. It is liberating to
shout from a place of strength what I always wanted to say: “Stop
pushing me around. Stop hurting me. Stop punishing me. Stop
scapegoating me. I’m a human being with feelings—treat me like
one. Stop mocking me for having feelings. Stop taunting, torturing,
tormenting, terrorizing me.” . . . These words need to come out, to
be expressed so I can be free, so I feel empowered enough to take
better care of myself than I have been doing. The feeling in my whole
body has shifted; the tension has decreased. I feel powerful again,
renewed, refreshed—though with a somewhat raspy voice. That always
fades in a day or two. . . . I no longer feel oppressed, repressed,
suppressed—or depressed.
That
is the path of healing, Mr. Neall. Freedom from guilt, shame and
anger is your birthright. As is freedom from fear and worry. As is
happiness.
Things
are still looking tough financially and regarding transportation,
with wobbling wheels, and I need to get to Union Bay for
house-sitting for Monday morning. I’m asking for your guidance and
support for the rest of this weekend, and for Monday morning, getting
settled at the house.
Dear
Mr. Neall: We will always do our best for you, to help bring you into
love and light, into strength, confidence, fearlessness and an
abundant, smooth-flowing life. We wish it for everyone, always.
I’m
asking for your blessings tonight.
Oh,
dear one, you have them—without hesitation. Please know and believe
this. We have nothing more important to do. You are loved more than
you know. You always will be. Claim it. Own it. Be it. Live it.
Thank
you, dear one.
Blessings.
. . . Vaya con Dios. Your eternal Higher Self.
November
21, 2012: A Step Above Restaurant, Second Floor, Quality Foods,
Driftwood Mall, Cliffe Avenue, Courtenay, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, dear one.
What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today? I’m once more caught up in an exhausting situation,
house-sitting an attention-seeking dog (the cat is not far behind in
the attention-seeking department), a job that I committed to six
months ago. This doesn’t bode well for my health, and I’m stumped
for a response (the homeowner is in Australia for a month). I’m
wanting to talk to a friend.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Don’t give up. Think of your vision of last Saturday,
during which you imagined yourself having returned to your old
healing circle in Burnaby (facilitated by Gerry Lynch, spiritual
channel for Jesus / Sananda), having made great progress: standing
tall, back problems healed, being happy, radiating light from a
smiling face. That’s where you’re heading, dear one—into love
and light.
Meanwhile
I’m exhausted, concerned again about losing strength in my legs,
and the back pain—triggered by overstimulation from giving
attention to the animals—remains a constant irritant.
Dear
Mr. Neall: You’ve made a good decision to bring your issues to your
Higher Self. We know nothing of lack . . . [yawning] . . . We
are connected to a limitless source that is concerned with your
happiness . . . [yawning] . . . We have nothing to do but give
you the attention you have been craving all your life; to
congratulate you on making the time for a visit at the human
being filling station, where nourishment is the order of the day.
. . . We cannot fail, Mr. Neall. Please remember that. Please know
that knowing us is the most important part of your life, and that you
are on the right track to develop this relationship with the eternal
and the infinite.
How
could I know you better today—in such a way that worries and fears
begin to dissolve? . . . [yawning] . . .
Dear
one: Think about love—starting with yourself. Give yourself
the time you need away from the house today. Have one of your
favourites—a Chinese food meal—from the good selection available
here . . . [burping; yawning] . . . Consider a catharsis
session in the car on the drive home [12 km] to let go of
feelings of victimization—the sense that “other people are doing
this to me.” Pray more. You know what it does for you—frees you
up; relaxes you; energizes you. Do yoga / stretching: The body
thrives on attention too. Talk to your friend in White Rock, as you
have planned. Think about a holiday getaway idea for when you’re
done house-sitting. Read over again the beautiful letter of
acknowledgment you received today from a minister in Florida
regarding your illustrated blog essay “Confessions of A Vancouver
Cloud Watcher.” Book a Reiki healing session, as you’ve done.
“There’s
always a way . . .”
There
is always a way, dear one. If you forget . . . if you think of us in
no other way, think of us in this way: “We exist to remind you that
there is always a way.”
That’s
the Good News; the words of someone “in service.”
Indeed.
In service to a Higher Calling . . . [tears; yawning] . . .
The calling called “love and light”: . . . [yawning] . . .
The light that never fails. “The light that shineth in the
darkness.”
You’ve
shone in the darkness today.
We
are glad to be of help, Mr. Neall—“doing our job.”
Don’t
quit.
We
can’t—we’re eternal. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your
“Quality” Higher Self.
November
27, 2012: House-sitting, Fifth Street, Union Bay.
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
I
am approaching crisis, unable to keep my lower back from tensing up.
Living in this home this time around seems to be causing me huge
health issues, and I feel I need to quit this house-sitting
commitment and leave immediately . . . or is this a “learning
situation”? Dear Higher Self, please communicate to help me find my
way to feeling better very soon. I’ve become toxic: Union Bay, the
neighbours here, the animals in it, all seem to have become an
exhausting burden to me, within my two weeks here. What’s
happening? Dear Higher Self, please enlighten me . . .
Dear
Mr. Neall: Peace be with you. We will not abandon you in this
situation, as you begin to recharge your batteries—just as you
recharged your cell-phone’s batteries last night . . . you plugged
it into a source of power and, once again, everything is working
fine. . . .
.
. . Let us be your source, Mr. Neall—of something besides
suffering. Let us be your guide to happiness, just as the two men
were that you heard on a YouTube video discussion last night [“Deepak
Chopra: God and Buddha” with Robert Thurman
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vljyLoJfaes>]. There is a
way out of suffering—that is the purpose of true religion or
spirituality: to free you from your torments, your mental and
physical pain, your doubts and uncertainties, your ignorance.
I
want some happiness to arise out of my present situation. How can a
seemingly innocuous activity such as spending a month caring for two
pets in a pleasant, artistic, seaside home—a job that I’ve done
six or seven times before—turn into a cause of such torment and
uncertainty and health crisis that I barely understand? Again, please
enlighten me.
Dear
Neall: First of all: We love you—as a friend; as a fellow “student
of love and light,” a seeker. Remember: There is no judgment on
your situation . . . [yawning] . . . as you seek to ascertain
the best course of action: the one that leads to the most happiness
and peace of mind . . . [yawning] . . .
I
believe this could be the “toxic (or negative) father complex”
that “acts up” (more like “rears its ugly head”) every time I
rise to another level of success—social, financial, “standing on
my own two feet,” geographical (finding my own community [i.e.,
Campbell River]), artistic / career . . . [burping] . . . It’s the
voice that says “You’re no good. You’ll never amount to
anything. Nobody wants or likes you. You’ve got to do everything
yourself; you can’t trust anyone. The world isn’t safe, and isn’t
responsive to you.” . . . Perhaps this is the rejection my father
encountered during the Great Depression [1930s], when for five years
after graduating from high school he couldn’t find work . . .
[tears] . . . [I stopped to light a fire in the airtight stove in the
basement—as my father trekked early each winter morning down to the
basement to fire up the wood-burning furnace to warm the home for his
family. No options, but no lack of dignity or purpose either . . .
[tears] . . .
.
. . My mind is singing “Land of Hope and Glory.” . . . It seems
there is no way past one’s own father—good and not so good—when
seeking to grow up, or grow into the world.
Unfortunately,
or fortunately, not. . . . Do you think God’s love left him out? .
. . [tears] . . . [more tears] . . . Those images in
your mind of your father kept you stuck in the past, Mr. Neall—and
being stuck in the past is one of the greatest barriers to human
happiness. You see that clearly now.
I
do. . . . Stuck unable to love myself, or anyone else. . . . This is
what’s called healing. . . . Please help me fill up with love and
light now.
We
do so gladly, Mr. Neall. As friend, mentor, guide, source of
unconditional love, or anything else that can be of help today, or
any other day. We never quit; the light never goes out here. . . .
Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your friend, your Higher Self.
November
28, 2012: House-sitting, Fifth Street, Union Bay, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
What’s
happening with all the stress? [I’m bailing out of the
house-sitting commitment halfway through the month.] How did I get so
‘off course’ again? How can I return to love and light? To peace
of mind? To hope for my health?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you—as a friend; as one who
judges you not. Know that we will never abandon you, even in your
darkest hour. We are highly knowledgeable and, with patience, can
help to restore balance . . . [tears; yawning; burping] . . .
[yawning] . . .
What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Life is about change. You are being asked to change, in
order to find peace in your heart and your body and mind; to find
happiness—the path you have been working on for a long time and
have a ways to go on yet: the path to find your own power: the
ability to speak your truth as a spiritual being, as a teacher. We
wish it were easier. When the truth has been suppressed for a long
time it creates health problems. That’s what you are suffering
from. . . . As Nelson Mandela has said: “Out greatest fear is not
that we are powerless, but that we are powerful beyond measure.”
[check] . . . Life is catching up to you—and it’s about time,
wouldn’t you say?
I
would. No more depression; rather expression.
Exactly
. . .
Can
you fill me in a little more on what the plan is that’s in
operation here?
The
plan is “empowered soul living on planet Earth” . . . [song
in my mind: “The Rose.”]
I
don’t want to go to sleep at night with the back pain and dreams of
cancer. What do I need to know or do?
Stop
living in the past. As you realized today, your Facebook “friends”
are mostly acquaintances from your past in Vancouver, where things
did not work out for you. Think of the new life you have here on the
Island and who in it brings feelings of newness and excitement to
your heart and soul. Contemplate those relationships, rather than
past ones. Imagine yourself as you like to be: creative, empowered,
happy, free, intelligent, balanced between your solitude and
socializing, communicative, relaxed, standing tall rather than
stooped.
I
recognize all that you’re saying. . . . Will I ever have fun again?
You
know how to have fun with your photos. Keep developing your physical
strength to have more time with them. Pray to know God’s love in
your heart and soul every day, just as you’ve been doing. We are
not far away.
Thank
you.
November
29, 2012: Quality Foods Cafeteria, Driftwood Mall, Cliffe Avenue,
Courtenay, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall.
I’ve
ended my house-sit commitment (a replacement showed up within 24
hours); stood up for my own needs; transformed my client’s initial
response of shock and upset to complete understanding and support for
my decision. A day of change. . . . How can I best begin to heal this
state of exhaustion? Restore my health? Build the positive, creative
life that has been denied me for decades? Move more into present
time? . . . What’s the most important thing to know about
transforming fate into destiny?
Dear
Mr. Neall: As you are sensing while writing, the answer is to grow
your capacity for love and empowerment. No more victimization;
no more reactive raging; no more “Mr. Lone Wolf”—as symbolized
by your new photos of the tame wolf at Campbell River Library
surrounded by children eager to touch it being printed in the local
newspaper, and you successfully negotiating permission from the
wolf’s owner to display and sell them [see
http://www.flickr.com/photos/neallcalvert/sets/72157632077540104/],.
. . . Connecting to supportive and like-minded others as you begin
your new, empowered life “north of 50” will serve you well [first
Campbell River home successfully arranged]. . . . Continue asking
for help through prayer and through this writing; continue making
friends with your Higher Self, with your mind, with your body and
with anyone who can love you unconditionally and who understands the
necessity of personal growth, soul development, living in reality
rather than illusion or depression, repression, suppression or
oppression . . .
.
. . Peace and happiness are available to everyone, Mr. Neall. Claim
your share; claim your love, respect, creativity, talents and skills,
caring, attention, hope, intelligence, perseverance, knowledge,
wisdom, communication skills—everything . . . and pull yourself
forward now.
Dear
God: That is my prayer.
Let
it be so. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
November
30, 2012: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, participating in your Great Experiment, your
Great Leap Forward.
Great
Experiment indeed. After paying the security deposit on my first
living space here, I’ve run out of money and it’s just the
beginning of the month. Dear, dear Higher Self: Help me to believe in
myself; help me to push back the darkness; help me open to abundance
and the communication skills and energy levels necessary to expand my
giving / receiving function.
We’re
right here where we’ve always been, Mr. Neall: in the centre of
your being, in your heart: the best giving / receiving organ in the
universe.
I
surrender to your wisdom. . . . What’s the most important thing to
know about my health / healing / recovery tonight? The chronic pain
in my lower back and the fatigue are taking up all my attention,
making me think of my body, rather than my spirit, where the good
things in life are: lightness, ease, creativity, fun, love,
connectedness, flow.
Dear
Mr. Neall: We will help you in any way we can to heal yourself and
become more centred and happier, to take care of yourself body, mind
and soul: home, finances, career, relationships, health. . . . This
morning you repeated a Buddhist mantra for the duration of the drive
from Courtenay to Campbell River [45 minutes]. That’s the
kind of discipline it takes to change a fearful, negative or
suffering mind. And the journey passed in nothing flat. You’ve
driven that road many times and it was your best trip ever . . .
.
. . Never quit, Mr. Neall. Never stop growing your soul. You will
look back one day and thank yourself—that you developed a
partnership with your Higher Self that changed your life for the
better; that you solved the “problem of your life”: the problem
of being a suffering soul in a body on planet Earth.
I
accept this partnership—for my highest good. I am willing to be
uplifted, inspired, reached out to and enlightened—today . . .
[yawning] . . .
And
we offer it unceasingly morning, noon and night, no matter the
weather [rainstorms for the past two days here] . . . [yawning] .
. . Believe it, Mr. Neall. Believe in the light, the right, an end to
the fight. Believe in the awakened heart, the sine qua non, the
Bodhisattva of Unlimited Mercy and Compassion, the Wise One, the One
in All / All in One. S / he is with you now . . . [burping;
yawning] . . .
I
am grateful. Thank you and goodnight.
Vaya
con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your Higher Self.
December
2, 2012: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are always with you, Mr. Neall.
I’m
experiencing, through reading the Ohotto book again (it bears many
re-readings), that I am mired in deep levels of victimization that
preclude joy, happiness and having a functioning inner guidance
system that will keep me moving out of the Fate of a shortened life
through illness and into a Destiny of peace, contentment, health and
happiness. . . . What’s the most important thing I need to know
about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You have found a powerful guide. Be grateful for him and
his talents and for all those who help to uplift humanity. As it is
said, “For the lack of a teacher a life is lost.” As Ohotto
explains, making good choices day by day is essential to change. And
then you realized that you could turn off the long, Sunday-afternoon
radio news dialogue show (such as your [disempowered] father in his
retirement endlessly listened to), and switched to a CD of beautiful,
uplifting music. That’s one step in “a future unlike your pas”;
in Destiny rather than Fate. As Ohotto explains, such choices need to
be made over and over again. For those needing to change, the Good
News can be found all around them.
I
want all the Good News I can handle right now.
It’s
available, Mr. Neall, freely and fully, as love and light. Forgive
everyone; let go of your past; increase your disciplines;
embrace change; remember your beautifully succinct dream of
Australia: “Hope > Home > Perth”; never quit; never give up
on yourself. We don’t know the word “quit.” We are eternal, and
eternally available to all who seek. We are available as a “human
being filling station”—to you and everyone else—simultaneously.
. . . Think about that for a moment . . . [yawning] . . .
There
is nothing more that I need. . . . I am being filled up . . .
[yawning] . . . The youthful, spiritual Ohotto is here with me!
He
did promise [at the end of his book] to hold your hand . . .
A
powerful man . . .
One
of the best.
I
feel the need for a stronger vision: something more clearly pulling
me forward. I have “fun with photography” and this writing. I had
a vision three years ago: “Peaceful and happy at 72” (six years
left to go). I’m looking for some kind of spiritual context, with
others, I believe, even if I don’t see them often: others who know
the path I am walking: the necessary path of soul recovery /
development.
You
have a home, Mr. Neall, owned by like-minded others. Acknowledge your
progress. You will be warm and dry this winter—through your own
efforts. The plan is working: Neall has developed survival skills.
Good
to be reminded. This is a big deal for me. I have only two more
nights out in the van, which is also warm and dry (sort of), but not
so spacious or comfortable.
There
is no judgment on your lifestyle, Mr. Neall. Now you understand more
about those homeless people in Vancouver that you used to see pushing
a shopping cart holding all their possessions, and think: “That
guy, without anything, seems more aware and alive than I am.”
Thank
you.
You
are welcome. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall—forever. Your Higher
Self.
December
7, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall; always part of you.
Glad
to hear it. . . . I’m learning from Deepak Chopra these days,
watching videos on YouTube. Here is a man well-acquainted with the
God of wisdom and happiness—a genius who can speak extemporaneously
for an hour on seemingly any aspect of personal growth, mind / body
medicine or spirituality, encompassing Christianity, Buddhism,
Vedanta or Islam—combined with the latest scientific research, the
history of the universe, the minute details of quantum physics or the
life of Einstein. . . . It turns out to be a pleasant 1.5-mile walk
(on a sunny day like today) from my new home to downtown Campbell
River. After my writing I’ll walk back. It’s taking a while to
get used to being “located somewhere,” after months of travelling
and camping. It’s a relief. . . . What’s the most important thing
to know about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Don’t stop studying and seeking, finding teachers who
inspire you. Upliftment and inspiration are what will help move you
forward now, into the future unlike your past, into love and light,
into wisdom and peace. Patience, dear one, as you change your
consciousness out of victimization through discipline and “working
at it”: yoga / stretching, walking, Higher Self dialogue, prayer,
study, relaxation / contemplation, listening to music, catharsis,
self-love.
This
has become my life now—rather than thoughts of “going to the
office.” It’s a happier life—today, anyway.
We
will never stop being available for the learning of happiness, Mr.
Neall.
That’s
one thing I definitely like about you: your “unquittability.” I
can call on you at any time. That’s one of the qualities I want in
friendship. My friend the creative writing teacher and inspirational
writer never quits writing and studying wholeness / holiness; never
quits expanding her soul. . . . What else could I know about my
health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: . . . [yawning] . . . Good to have you in a better
mood today than the past few. Just as this change was possible, so
are other changes and forward movement off “the plateau of
stuckness.”
I
will appreciate that change.
We’ll
be with you for it. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
December
10, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here for this wish, Mr. Neall.
Well
. . . this is big crisis: Fate vs. Destiny. Will I make it through
this? Find a new strength or figure of power within myself . . . a
centre of well-being and wholeness? It doesn’t seem possible. I’ve
been exhausted for too long; had to withdraw from the world; still my
health hasn’t been restored. Perhaps the situation is exactly as a
Buddhist teacher told a student monk in Thailand in material I was
reading today [an Ajahn Brahm story]: “You’re either going to die
or you’re not.” . . . This morning I dreamed of a tall, healthy
Oriental man who shook my hand in greeting, but remained silent. I
have felt at times that only a complete break (departure) from the
West and its Christian-based philosophies will address my soul’s
needs for healing after my experience with Christianity in my family
of origin. . . . What, dear one, given what I’ve said here, is the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today? What is the “new path,” the “new way”?
Dear
Mr. Neall: First of all: We are with you—the universe was not built
without a force for compassion. Feel it; claim it; own it; know the
truth . . . [burping] . . . Second: As soon as you get
mobile, do a catharsis in your van to deal with feelings of
powerlessness that have built up again, the symptoms of which are the
tension in your stomach area [third chakra: power centre] and
pain in your upper back and shoulders. . . . Remember, the ‘keys to
the kingdom’ are love and empowerment. And the kingdom is coming
closer as 2012 completes its cycle. The “old stuff” needs to be
cleaned out. “No baggage on this trip.”
That’s
helpful.
It’s
our ‘job’ to be helpful for you. We’re your Higher
Power.
How
soon I forget. . . . What else could I know that would help raise my
spirits and nourish me today?
“Love
Can Build A Bridge.” Connect yourself to like-minded others.
Empowerment first, then love, so you don’t get overwhelmed.
I’m
understanding these days that I haven’t felt real since
childhood; haven’t stood up for myself in the world. Felt
oppressed, repressed, suppressed and depressed. I missed out on a
lot. I’m truly in “unfamiliar territory” with my spacious home
full of thriving green plants and lots of books. What can I do to
relax more, perhaps “enjoy the ride”?
Talk
to your Higher Self. . . . Sort out your priorities, plans, health
needs, dream of Australia, finances, connections, vision of peace and
happiness. . . . Love yourself. Ask yourself: “What would love do?”
That will help avoid the creation of new problems.
Thank
you. Feels like nap time.
December
12, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self—my Higher Power.
We
are here, Mr. Neall.
I
feel a long way from my spirit. My body and its pains have taken over
my life; peace of mind is gone, and God is nowhere to be found. When
I talk to my friend, M.D., I “see” her spirit; I see that she is
living a spiritual, mostly happy life—and that I am not (though I
am grateful for my peaceful, plant-filled home). Where is love and
light today? Where is hope? Where is healing? Where is my support
system? How can I find my heart?
Dear
Mr. Neall: . . . [tears and burping] . . . We are as close as
your breath; we never leave you. We don’t want to leave, and we
can’t leave you: we are you—your breath, your brain, your
backbone. Let us fill you, nourish you with unconditional love—you
need do nothing to receive this. You are worthy just as you are. It
is friendship. Therein lies hope for you—seen, recognized,
known—and loved . . . [tears] . . . Try to see past your own
fears today, Mr. Neall—beyond self-punishment, beyond the
“worthless piece of shit” scenario that lies seemingly branded on
your soul, on your nervous system. . . . Remember how big God is:
bigger than all the beautiful mountains of Lillooet, British
Columbia—all the mountains of the world—much bigger. Infinite.
Eternal. A Master Intelligence.
Can
this master intelligence infiltrate and neutralize the deep levels of
my self-negation? Restore my nerves? Illuminate my path?
As
you know already, your path is being illuminated. You are seeing
yourself clearly now: ‘the unlived life’—and the reasons behind
it. . . .The master intelligence, as a force of love and compassion,
can indeed reach every nook and cranny of your being: greater than
the craziness, the dysfunctions, the grief, the mental instability,
the poverty thinking, the ‘homelessness.’
That
would be the kind of partnership I am seeking.
It
is here: love and light—in a package custom-designed for you that
speaks your language. It is a part of you. Know it; believe it; be
it. It’s bigger than all your problems—believe that too. That’s
the one you have most trouble with: bigger than your problems.
. . . We are with you, Mr. Neall, and we are bigger than your
problems. Period.
Yes,
that is hard to believe today, a day in which my problems seem
insurmountable. What do I need to do, to know, to keep you front and
centre in my life?
Keep
up this dialogue, this discipline. Try to have fun. Study your
spiritual teachers on the Internet. Manage your finances as best you
can. Get more support in the here and now. Stay creative. Become
fearless and empowered.
Thank
you. Please don’t ever leave me.
We
can’t, Mr. Neall—we are part of you: the part of you known as
your Higher Self. . . . Vaya con Dios, partner—forever.
December
14, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall. Carry on.
As
you know, I’ve pretty much lost all faith here. Nothing is going to
pull me out of this black hole of self-negation, this self-pitying
“I’m dying,” “fuck you, I’m out of here” cowardly
behaviour. I need to depend on your mercy and compassion and wisdom
and master intelligence at this point. What can I do? Thankfully you
are part of me and we are in a partnership here, one with
considerable shared experience at this point.
Yes,
we are, Mr. Neall. We have a relationship of trust—not something
you knew much about the first half of your life. Congratulations on
having broken the old spell; on reaching for something better. . . .
You know from this experience that we are always with you; always
available; always caring; only uplifting—just like your new
Internet spiritual friend Ajahn Brahm, the British scientist who
became a Buddhist monk in Thailand and now is respected in the many
countries where he travels to teach [from a home base in Perth,
Western Australia].
.
. . One of the kindest, most open-hearted teachers I have ever come
across, who speaks effortlessly out of the emptiness and stillness
within him. . . . I’m getting tired, so will shut this down for the
night [2:00 a.m.]
December
15, 2012: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my friend, my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
My
internal feedback system has given me a message: take a holiday. It
came via a “wrong number” phone call—someone in Hawaii trying
to reach California ending up talking to me on Vancouver Island. Two
holiday destinations in one message. . . . This will be an
interesting challenge for my creative nature, which has in the past
week manifested an abundance of new images in the series I call
“Raining Glory: Campbell River by Night”
[http://www.flickr.com/photos/neallcalvert/sets/72157632002364751/] .
. . What’s the most important thing to know about my health /
healing / recovery tonight? How can I truly find the peace of mind of
the Christmas carol playing in my head a few minutes ago, “. . .
sleep in heavenly peace”?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Love is the way—love in your mind and heart and soul.
And faith in your Higher Self—connected to the Great Intelligence
of the Universe that dwells also in your heart. . . . Don’t quit,
Mr. Neall. Don’t stop seeking to transform yourself; to love
yourself and others; to be your own best friend; to get more
connected; to feel more abundant, more spiritual / lighter; to have
more fun. Don’t quit on your talents and skills, Mr. Neall; don’t
quit on your friends or on your heart, wherein resides the courage
and compassion that make life worthwhile . . .
.
. . Use all of your multifaceted guidance system to bring you peace
and happiness (and holidays). Remember, we are only here to
help—there is nothing else that we do. We are spiritual teachers
with vast resources. Use us for all you’re worth. Use us to find
the shining jewel within you—the diamond, created through heat and
pressure; the empowered soul being; the man with a heart. He’s
there, as you know: the man of light; the man of joy; the man of
talent; the man on a path—the path of love and light.
That’s
me.
Vaya
con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your Christmas Higher Self.
December
20, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
ready to be with you, Mr. Neall.
What
is the most important thing to know about building my health today?
The stress in my lower back is nearly intolerable and it seems to
have sunk so deep that it won’t release ever; I start to believe I
won’t ever be able to feel good again, to know the happiness and
peace that are my goal. Where is the resurrection for me? How could I
avoid tragedy and connect with such a force . . . today? O great,
grand intelligence—friend, mentor, compañionero, beloved God of my
own heart, show me the way. I will listen.
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are loved. Period. The resurrection happens through
love. Upliftment happens through love; through a
changed mind: a mind free of the past; a mind full of hope and
forgiveness; a mind free of illusions and complexes, free from
hatred, anger and resentments / thoughts of revenge.
That
would be called “the mind of God”?
That
would be called “a mind full of peace and kindness”; a
non-reactive mind; a “mind of light”; a mind able to uplift
others, able to experience joy as well as pain and suffering.
What
are the steps from here to there?
You
are at it. This is the way to change your life: integrating the vast,
unlimited, eternal energies and ideas of your Higher Self.
When
my body is in too much pain, it takes up all my attention and I feel
unable to connect with my spirit, with “love and light.” It seems
a great loss. That is a definition of tragedy right there: loss of
spiritual connection. I felt close to happiness a few times in the
past few weeks: dancing to Indian music; listening to Ajahn Bran
speaking on videos on YouTube. How do I actually get to know the “God
of Happiness”? Believe in it? Live it? Live free from guilt and
shame . . . free from the self-punishment that has infiltrated my
soul? Free from my soul’s “sickness unto death”? . . .
.
. . (In Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard’s 1849 book The
Sickness Unto Death it is not physical death but spiritual death
he is talking about. Spiritual death is what is to be feared. It has
another name: despair. “To not be in despair is to have reconciled
the finite with the infinite, to exist in awareness of one’s own
self and of God. Specifically, Kierkegaard defines the opposite of
despair as faith.”
[<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sickness_Unto_Death>.
Accessed on this date] . . . So it is my faith that is being severely
tested right now. . . .
You’ve
got it, Pontiac . . . [yawning] . . .
Faith,
as in “Following An Ideal That Heals”
. . .
Yes.
.
. . And what will heal my deep-seated despair is to “reconcile the
finite with the infinite,” in Kierkegaard’s words.
Again,
yes.
And
this dialogue is exactly that—a reconciliation of the finite with
the infinite. . . . This despair, this unhappiness goes back a long
way, it seems to me. Even more reason to learn to rejoice—as I did
after a session at the Healing Rooms Christian Ministry in Campbell
River today. It put a smile on my face for several hours. I want more
of that—and less tragedy. Please guide me. I am ready to surrender.
I will learn to rejoice—to be happy—because my saviour, my Higher
Self—the Divine—is with me—morning, noon and night.
You’ve
got a good plan, Mr. Neall. Don’t stop. Don’t stop seeking,
learning and growing. Don’t stop reaching for eternity. . . . Vaya
con Dios. Your Higher Self, eternal spirit.
December
25, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall, always awake—Christmas Day too.
I
want to connect; to experience more love and light, freedom from fear
and worry, hope for my health and feelings of abundance—‘less
past and more future,’ dear one.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are always with you; that we wish for
you happiness beyond your wildest present imaginings; and
peace—including relaxation and a smile on your face. Please be
reminded that it is “no effort” for us, that we are always
available and that “love and light” is all we do. We are never in
fear, anxious or worried. We are “the light that never goes out.”
We know our job, and have all the resources necessary for it. There
is “nothing missing” in us. We are everywhere and in you,
simultaneously, as a force of mercy and compassion, strength and
flexibility, empowerment and love, intelligence and simplicity,
wisdom and peace, humour and harmony, laughter and conviviality. Why
be in only one mood—seriousness—all the time?
Probably
because I’m scared. Any other mood brings up back spasms and other
“dire consequences.” . . . Writing that makes me think that that
is the past speaking. There were “dire consequences” in the past;
there wouldn’t be any now. I am free—except for the “mind-forged
manacles” keeping fear and other negativity in place.
Exactly
. . . as we explained in your previous session, which bears
re-reading many times. . . . The upliftment you seek comes through
love and light, which is always available through your source, which
you are contacting now. It is “the source of a changed mind,” of
renewal, of “the waters of life”—like a brook in a mountain
meadow rippling and splashing its way down the slope; or a mature
river, calmly but assuredly making its way to the ocean; the source
of an expanded mind—one able to encompass great ideas, fresh ideas,
alternative paths, new types of relationships, fearlessness—and
thus hope . . . [burping] . . .
Thank
you. You’ve come through for me again.
We
always will, Mr. Neall. That’s what forever means. . . .
Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
January
2, 2013: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, British Columbia
[3:45 a.m.]
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, always close by.
Reliable
friend: What’s the most important thing to know about my health /
healing / recovery at this hour of the morning? I’ve used the
Buddhist tonglen breathing technique for probably an hour in bed to
move through back pain, and was able to move the stuck energy and
bring my mind to a better state.
Dear
Mr. Neall: We are glad to be with you again and to be of help in any
way we can. Please know that you are never alone, and that this
communication requires no effort on our part, and no guilt on your
part. It’s just “forever friends”, engaged in a dialogue . . .
[burping and yawning] . . .
How
could I strengthen my end of the dialogue? Become more strongly
connected to “The Path of the Rose” (the name that was given to
me a few days ago while in an intense EFT self-session)? I thought at
first that this path symbolized Mother Mary, but Internet research
reveals Jesus is called the “Rose of Sharon—the Lily of the
Valley” (from the book of Solomon). The rose is a symbol of that
which is undying . . .
.
. . In September I found a beautiful reddish-pink rose with one bloom
and two budson the sidewalk in Campbell River—first time that had
ever occurred. So something good is happening here: I’m on a
path—at long last. And now I have had a powerful meeting with a
couple from the Healing Rooms ministry, with decades of experience in
abuse recovery and spiritual study. . . . So now things can change. I
can grow out of the isolation patterns of lifetimes; heal my “orphan
spirit”; become happier. . . . There is a plan at work here.
You
bet there is. A plan for the saving of your soul, for your
healing—body, mind and spirit.
I’ve
“been away,” it would seem—for the past twenty years or so.
You
are always welcome in this “community of the heart,” Mr.
Neall—always. Keep moving forward now. Yesterday morning you woke
up dreaming you had won a new red Corvette in a lottery. Didn’t
that feel good!
Indeed,
it’s good to feel like a winner. Whatever your hand in this, I am
grateful. I keep forgetting that it is your self-chosen “job” to
uplift; to bring hope; to nurture well-being and happiness; to shine
a light in the darkness; to be a nonjudgmental source of spiritual
sustenance.
You
are getting to know us. That is good (for you). Whenever you forget,
take the time to reconnect: through prayer or this writing. We can’t
be stopped. It’s a light that can’t be turned off. Nurture your
soul here—forever and ever. Guaranteed: infinite life; peace and
happiness.
Thank
you.
Vaya
con Dios. Your (early morning) Higher Self.
January
4, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Discovery Harbour Shopping Centre,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall: teachers of love and light.
I
wish to feel happier, more hopeful, today. The dull, nagging pain in
my lower back brings my spirits down. I also wish to feel hopeful
regarding finances for this month. What’s the most important thing
to know about my health / healing / recovery?
Dear
Neall: You are connecting with the infinitely wise part of yourself,
which has nothing else to do than be helpful when asked, and for whom
it requires no effort. Plugging-in here recharges your spirit—just
like what happens when you plug-in an electric vehicle . . .
[sleepiness] . . .
This
morning, despite feeling tired, I was singing and dancing to ABBA and
continued my vocal toning exercises begun again a few days ago—a
good sign. I’ve been listening to sublime virtuoso guitar music on
the Internet (Ana Vidovic) as well as Buddhist teachers including
Robert Thurman—one of the most knowledgeable yet easy-to-understand
teachers I have encountered. He’s a gift to the world. Two days ago
I solved my vehicle’s “wobbling” problems at a local tire
shop—effortlessly and at no cost. My faith returns when such things
occur. My mind was humming Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” a short
while ago—my guidance system telling me that peace is at hand.
Your
disciplines have an effect, Mr. Neall. Living one day at a time,
first-thing morning prayers, exercise and stretching (making friends
with your body), EFT self-sessions, singing practice, this
writing—they’re all part of a life “on purpose”; a life of
being pulled forward; an endlessly creative life; a hopeful life; a
heartful life. . . . Don’t quit, Mr. Neall. Don’t stop developing
your inner peace, your love and empowerment. We’ll never stop
helping to bring about happiness—just as the Buddha (“the
awakened one”) taught. . . . Your researches are paying off; you
are encountering empowered, knowledgeable people with the skill of
teaching. Gradually you are learning the language of happiness—just
as you asked for in your poem of many years ago [“Land of
Hope”].
Deepak
Chopra, Oprah Winfrey, Gregg Braden, Robert Thurman, Ajahn Brahm—all
are bringing hope to my developing soul, which often feels fragile
and close to overwhelm. I’m sure I will find others as well. Then
there are the comedians like Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert, as I
watched last night. . . . After their very successful one-day fun
event, “Rally to Restore Sanity and / or Fear,” in Washington,
D.C. in 2010 (200,000 attended), Stewart declared to the media, “I
just want to go home and hug my kids.” . . . There it is again,
what I’m seeking in a nutshell: love.
You
know what you want, Mr. Neall. Love is the answer to the
unasked question . . . [yawning] . . .
I’m
yawning—waking up to love.
There
is no better activity to be involved in, friend. Vaya con Dios. Your
Higher Self. “Your forever friend at Hamburger Heaven” [I
indulged in the “Two for $7 Teenburger Special” (skipped the
cheese, though)].
January
15, 2013: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, always available.
Higher
Self, it’s been too long—ten days. I wonder what my resistance to
contacting you is—as if I don’t want to feel good, safe,
supported, sufficient, uplifted, inspired, et cetera. It must be that
I lack faith—as I discovered again yesterday during a
session with an experienced healing couple from Healing Rooms
Christian Ministry. And trust. As we’ve talked about
earlier, when it comes to parental figures I always think I am going
to be mistreated or abandoned. On top of that, I don’t think I am
worthy and deserving of being loved—so that pretty much leaves me
being alone. . . . I’m asking for help from my “forever friend,”
the one who never leaves me. I am willing to overcome these deep, old
patterns; willing to learn a new way; willing to surrender to love
and light, to more happiness and more confidence, to being uplifted
and inspired more of the time.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that you are loved—endlessly and
unconditionally; that there is nothing you need to “save” us from
[by staying away]—we give effortlessly and gladly, and we
always will. There is nothing else that we do. When you believe this
to be a truth about the universe your life will change immensely.
What
can I do to bring this about more quickly; to accelerate the process
of “feeling good” / relaxed / healthy / hopeful / helpful . . .
and yes, humorous?
You’re
doing it—as we’ve mentioned previously . . . [burping] .
. . This dialogue—as you relearn whenever you reread it—is your
path to the life you seek. There is nothing hidden or arcane in it;
no ages-old writings that can be mistranslated or misinterpreted; no
political agendas at work or axes being ground; no personality
clashes or psychological complexes or filters to try to discern
through. Just the truth: (1) There is no judgment on your life. (2)
God loves you just the way you are. (3) God is love and light. . . .
You’ve earned this wisdom, Mr. Neall. You have sought and you have
found. Claim it as your Good; as the Good News. . . . Trust that
this is the case; that Good News fills the universe and lives in the
human heart—simultaneously . . . and will do so forever.
So
I can relax, “let go and let God” as they say, stop needing to be
hypervigilant; feel safe and secure . . . and thus happier?
That’s
the plan, Pontiac. Will it work for you?
Better
than the alternative—a state of chronic misery that I know too well
. . . [burping and yawning] . . . I’ll “take a chance” here
that you know better than I do on this issue. I guess that’s called
trust—as in “trust in a Higher Power.”
We
cannot fail, Mr. Neall (as we’ve said before). We know nothing on
the subject of failure. Not worth reading about or talking about. . .
.Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self. Be blessed in your new town and new
connections . . . always.
January
23, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall, always close.
I
noticed I’m going into a worry state, so instead I will dialogue
with my Higher Self. I’m worried—now that I’m no longer living
“in hiding” (victimized), oppressed, repressed, suppressed and
depressed—that I will say the wrong thing, act inappropriately,
provide evidence to others that I am imbalanced. . . . What’s the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you. Not only that: We like
to be with you. Unconditional love, remember? You are worthy and
deserving of it. . . . As you heal your past, you (no longer a
victim) will become someone that you don’t recognize. It will be
important to maintain your balance through meditation, prayer,
exercise, toning, singing, this writing, nature time, holidays and so
on. As you proceed further into being a representative of love
and light; as your painful past disappears; as your happiness and
peace and empowerment grow, you will have a smile on your face more
often. The air will smell fresher as your nose and sinuses heal.
Being with people will seem normal again. Get ready for it. Get ready
to like yourself more than you ever have for lifetimes . . .
.
. . That’s the fruit of spiritual growth, of effort and discipline,
inquiry, study and contemplation, of forgiveness (of self and
others), of developing courage and compassion (an awakened heart).
That’s the fruit of a relationship with the master known as Jesus,
with whom you have been seeking a renewed, revitalizing relationship
for the past month [counselling with a mature Christian couple;
reading books like Deepak Chopra’s Jesus: A Story of
Enlightenment; Barbara Thiering’s Jesus and Riddle of the
Dead Sea Scrolls, Elizabeth Clare Prophet’s The Lost Years
of Jesus]. Know that it is happening, dear one. Know that you
are loved beyond measure; that your ‘sins’ are being forgiven,
your lifetimes of burdens being lifted, your worries being dissolved.
. . . And for all of it—for these promises of spiritual life, for
this upliftment, available to everyone, Mr. Neall—we are there . .
. all of it—forever. . . . Remember, as we sign off, that this
dialogue is available at all times, and always will be. . . . Vaya
con Dios. Your forever-loving Higher Self.
January
29, 2013: Lee’s Famous Recipe Chicken, Brant Road, Quinsam
Crossing, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall—always
I’m
tired but close to love and light, it seems. The back seems
unmanageable, legs are weak, yet I feel close to love. And I’m
willing to do my disciplines. . . . What’s the most important thing
to know about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are celebrating your new income level by dining out
[received a housing supplement of $125 per month]. Good for
you—keeping the inner child happy [who loves good food, but not
always the cooking of it]. Self-care, Mr. Neall, is an essential
part of your program.
I
can ‘read the signs’ most the time to know when I’m tired of
cooking. Pleased about that. . . . How else can I rebuild my health .
. . build ‘a future unlike my past’ . . . connect with others
despite the fatigue?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You can connect with us at any time, at the ‘human being
filling station.’ When you are filled up, then you know what to do:
move forward, rest, create, be social or solitary, make plans, et
cetera. Do what is easy, fun, light and effortless and brings a
smile. Do what enhances your dream of the Good Life, free from guilt
or shame.
And
you are always with me . . . ?
You
got it, Mr. Neall: We never go away. We are eternal and infinite and
always available. This is all we do—help to uplift humanity, night
and day, year after year (though we’re not counting). . . . We are
partners in transformation—just like Jesus; teachers of love and
light, of freedom from fear and worry, of holistic living—from an
unlimited source.
I
am grateful. Thank you. Please keep teaching me and guiding me. You
are what I’ve been looking for.
Vaya
con Dios, friend. Be love and be loved. . . . Your Higher Self.
January
31, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self, source of love and light.
We
are with you, beloved Mr. Neall.
I’d
like to put a couple of good days together, dear one—days without
back spasms. I’d like to feel some progress, but it’s “one step
forward and one back” . . . or is it that I don’t recognize the
progress: stable home, extra income, stable transportation, a feeling
of lightening up, friends who remember me, keyboard out of storage
and set up in my home for musical enjoyment, good books to grow with
on Jesus and Mary Magdalene . . . and visited an art opening tonight,
introduced myself and my art to the featured artist. . . . What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Stay the course, dear one. Everything you say is true and
good. You are growing in love and light—“doing the work”;
finding your new path; toning / singing every day for weeks now;
communicating with your long-lost younger brother; standing up to
“friends” who treated you badly in the past; seeking an updated,
more mature relationship with Jesus Christ . . . All good.
And
you are with me, to keep it going . . .
You
know it, Mr. Neall. Always . . . in all ways.
Thank
you.
February
11, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall—unconditionally.
I
am out of sorts today, unsure about anything after a dynamic meeting
with my life coach four days ago and an energetic few following days.
It’s exciting to spend an hour with someone who advertises “love,
hugs and laughter” and actually delivers [J.B. is a New Thought
minister: spiritual director of Campbell River Centre for Spiritual
Living]. I have “the usual” money woes, and beginnings of worry
around where my next home will be (probably in April). And I’m
still alone too much, but attended a “spiritual cinema evening”
on the weekend. . . . In this transition into spiritual life I hardly
recognize myself any more, so socializing seems awkward; my new
strength hasn’t completely arrived. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you, and that we will never
leave. Taking time for this dialogue can produce results for you.
Know that self-criticism, self-punishment and comparing yourself to
others (especially extraverts) can wreak havoc on your self-esteem .
. . another step in your learning as you move forward out of
depression and self-loathing. You don’t have a chance for a Good
Life when you’re in that mindset.
Thank
you for that awareness . . .
Doing
our job, Mr. Neall: Keeping you in the Good Life: in partnership with
your Higher Self . . . [yawning] . . . where there is freedom
from fear and worry, from difficulties of every kind . . .
[yawning] . . .
I
had forgotten once again . . . forgotten that I am in a
partnership—for eternity—with an always-available source of
wisdom and love and nurturing; with a ‘human being filling station’
. . . [yawning] . . . The questions of the moment appear to be: “How
can I become more social?” and “How can I know my path more
clearly?” Dear one: Thank you for guiding me regarding these
questions today.
Dear
Mr. Neall: You forgot one question and that is: “How can I love
myself more?” For that is the essential question—especially for
survivors of abuse and broken families. . . . Treat yourself well,
Mr. Neall—and then treat others as you like to be treated. Keep up
your disciplines so you stay “in the zone”; in the love and
light; in the “sweet spot” where there is energy and fearlessness
and flow . . . so you stay connected. We love to be connected with
you—just as your “love, hugs and laughter” life coach does.
Recall that she said on Thursday that she had been wondering how you
were doing.
That’s
how I want to live—knowing that I am in more people’s thoughts
more often: remembered.
It’s
possible, dear Mr. Neall. Stay “turned on and tuned in” to our
channel.
Love
is available . . .
It
is, and we wish nothing more than to bestow it upon you day and night
and to have you receive it.
I
accept—to the fullest extent possible.
Then,
as Leonard Cohen sings, “I ’ m y o u r m a n.”
More
humour . . . please . . .
We
never quit, Mr. Neall. You do the same. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your
Higher Self.
February
12, 2013: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
No
problemo, Mr. Neall.
Dear
Higher Self: What happened last night? I went to bed feeling pretty
good about my day. Several hours later I woke up with my mind telling
me I’m dealing with cancer in various parts of my body. I did
tonglen deep breathing for several hours and changed my mental state
for the better, and got some sleep. . . . What’s the most important
thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Good that you have the tonglen breathing technique in your
repertoire. Being able to change out of any problematic mental state
is a skill you have developed, and one you will be able to teach
others, when you begin to teach. You know well its power. . . . The
level of health of the body is a direct result of the health of the
mind, Mr. Neall. When you change your mental imagery, you change your
whole being, including your body. Feel the strength you are
experiencing today—freedom from fear and worry; empowered and
assertive. Two hours of focused deep breathing created that.
What
else could I know to become more balanced today? . . . [yawning] . .
.
“Love
the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind.” . . .
Remember: Love dissolves problems and fears or doesn’t create them
in the first place. Imagine that state for yourself. You’ve
experienced it already a few times recently: energized, empowered,
free from fear and worry, free from your past, full of light and
love. . . . Don’t quit, Mr. Neall. Don’t give up. As Crosby,
Stills and Nash sing so harmoniously (as you heard on the radio the
other day): “C-a-r-r-y on, l-o-v-e is coming. L-o-v-e is coming to
us all [“Carry On”]. . . . You see now how there is no room for
laziness in the kingdom. It’s “get busy or suffer.” . . .
[passing of gas] . . . .
No
kidding. . . . Thank you, dear one. You are a treasure.
Vaya
con Dios, Mr. Neall. Be blessed. Your Higher Self, your best friend.
February
13, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Right
with you, Immortal Beloved.
Thank
you for that. My dreams during my nap today told me that my health
situation is much better than I thought. I will continue with my
high-powered nutrition (basically, Paleo diet: 80 percent fruit and
vegetables), toning, prayers, exercise and efforts to socialize and
create a market for my photographs. Today I watched a heart-warming
video of two aging former circus elephants, reunited after twenty-two
years at a Tennessee elephant refuge, who then became inseparable
companions. I need to keep finding the good in the world; avoid
cynicism. Thank you for any help you can provide with that. . . .
What’s the most important thing I need to know about love and
light, about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Congratulations on your dedication to your growth; on your
discipline for this writing; on finding a way to access your heart
today; on developing a “one day at a time” philosophy; on
progress with your artwork [fine-tuning the quality of my images;
creating a CD of the best ones to show others]. . . . The path of
love and light is not easy sometimes. But, as you know, a path that
is meaningful to you is developing, as you are discovering while
attempting to communicate with your (newly heard from) younger
brother. Art, music, literature and spirituality do indeed provide
meaning to life (as you wrote today); provide access to soul
expansion, and that is the reason you are here (by your choice). . .
. Never forget this, Mr. Neall. . . . We are glad to teach this; to
enlighten; to provide answers and awareness. And we sing again with
you the C, S & N song “Carry On”: “C-a-r-r-y on, l-o-v-e is
coming. L-o-v-e is coming to us all.” . . . Vaya con Dios. Your
friend. Your Higher Self.
February
18, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear one.
You
seem closer these days. It’s as if some barrier has been removed.
Whatever it is, I am glad for it. . . . I seem to be finding an
opening, from listening to / watching Ajahn Brahm videos online. I
see the lack of stillness in my own mind and the presence of it in
the minds of Buddhist teachers. The good news is that it seems to be
transferable during a dharma talk. I get it by osmosis. . . . What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Being in the presence of high-minded people as they
espouse spiritual wisdom is a recommended activity: you do get their
happy, peaceful state of mind eventually. The “encounter with
greatness” you are seeking, through Jesus or an enlightened
Buddhist master, in order to transform your mind and your life, is
getting closer. The more you see what is possible, what others have
done, the more you see possibilities for you. . . . Don’t quit, Mr.
Neall. We will never abandon you—only encourage and uplift, nurture
and nudge. . . . Vaya con Dios, dear one. Your Higher Self, your
coffee break today.
February
22, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear one, never far away.
Latest
wrinkle in living in a house: unexpected hydro bill of $500 instead
of $200 for the previous two-month period. . . .I made excellent
progress today with getting males into my life, through the Finding
Freedom recovery group at the Vineyard Christian church. Also, sent
out photographs of the tall communications tower on Dogwood Street
that I took when I walked by in the expansive evening light. . . .
What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing /
recovery program tonight? What would best serve my growth?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Blessings to you on your courage and perseverance. As
we’ve said many times: Don’t quit; don’t look back. Love and
light (and peace and connection and wellness and feeling good) are
what you’re after. Nurture your growth. Be grateful for all those
who help you in any way. Pray lots for compassion and forgiveness.
Live one day at a time. Develop a healthy partnership with your body
(fresh air / exercise) and your spirit (this writing / watching Ajahn
Brahm talks / listening to or reading the Kryon material online). . .
. You are “becoming the kind of person you always knew you could
be.” We can only stand and applaud. Congratulations, dear one. Take
the time you need to regroup—as you did after the intense Finding
Freedom group today with two hours in the welcome winter sunshine,
including a restful nap in your van and a long walk. . . . Remember:
We will never let you down or abandon you; we are always
available. “We never close”—just like Timmy Ho’s
restaurants. That’s the security you want, isn’t it?
That’s
why I asked, at each successive restaurant I visited, “What time do
you close?” and then received the answer I was seeking: “We’re
open all night.”
Indeed
. . . and then you felt “in the right place.” . . . You’re in
the right place with us, Mr. Neall. It’s called “love and light”:
eternity partnership: forever friendship: soul recovery: peace and
happiness. We will never ever quit on you, never abandon you and we
never close. That’s our guarantee; our promise: the peace that
passes understanding; . . . [yawning] . . . the freedom you
seek.
You
are the answer to my seeking; the light at the end of my long, dark
tunnel; my ‘human being filling station’ . . . my miracle.
.
. . And much more. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Go with the God of
love and light forever.
February
24, 2013: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall: the Infinite. “Before Abraham was, I am” . .
. et cetera.
A
crisis is brewing regarding my home and I want to avoid it. I will
speak to my landlord’s agent this evening regarding the surprise
hydro bill of $511. There are signs in my life that I could be
sleeping in my van again, so I’m wanting to turn my thinking around
on this issue as soon as possible. Thank you for helping out here:
guide me to my highest and best good.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Know that we love you, as do others like your minister,
J.B. Know that the eternal forces of love and light never fade, never
fail. They dwell in your heart; and when you keep your heart open in
situations like this, you are the one who comes out the winner . . .
which is very good, correct? You only like your sports team when
they’re winning—because that is what you want to learn. ‘Winning’
is the language of the awakened heart, without a doubt.
I’m
descending into hopelessness and despair—plus there’s my younger
brother to learn to communicate with right now, who has reached out
to me from a state of tragedy. I want to ‘change the script’
here. . . . At the spiritual centre my mentor directs, this (Sunday)
morning I experienced moments of laughter and happiness. Then I
‘lower the boom’ on myself again with the internalized voice of
my father, in one of his violent rages, shouting: “How dare you be
happy when I am so miserable?” What a wretch he was oftentimes, and
I have become one too at times. . . .What’s the way out, dear one?
The
way out is love: first yourself, then others—as a ‘first
priority.’ . . . Do whatever it takes to feel good, to not be in a
reactive state of mind—as you just did with an invigorating
three-mile walk through wind and rain. The weather was nothing,
right?
Indeed.
I prayed and growled and walked steadily, and now I am more peaceful;
I feel more in charge.
And
you feel determined to do whatever it takes to not feel so hopeless
around domestic matters again—including making a point of seeing
your mentors and others who care about you more often.
Yes.
Perhaps that is the lesson here. Once again, I have to ‘grow up’—to
grow. This is pretty tough sledding, dear one.
And
we are with you for it—as we have promised, Mr. Neall: “Always
and in all ways.” Comprenez?
.
. . God as brother / sister / mother / father / compañionero /
forever friend? . . .
.
. . And more . . .
And
this is the best way to contact you?
What
do you think? You know about ‘creating results.’
My
‘adult self’ knows this is what I am doing.
Good.
Let the games . . . er, sorry, the teaching . . . begin.
I
don’t want to be without you.
As
you know, you can’t be without us: We’re part of you. . . . Vaya
con Dios, friend. Be blessed. Be at peace. . . . Your Higher Self.
March
2, 2013: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall, wherever you are and whenever you choose.
I
wish this journey were easier . . . that I could stay balanced more
easily. Every time I expand or open up to more—support, connection,
deeper feeling—then I have to deal with this state of chaos, or
back pain, or the internalized voices proclaiming doom such as the
one that says, “How dare you be happy when I feel so miserable?”
. . . I’m asking for your help in sending the “toxic father
voice” packing for good and to fill myself up with the Good Parent,
the Answer, the New Dawn, the Acceptance and the Way—your way, dear
one.
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are doing the right thing by stopping all activities
and turning within to your Higher Self, who loves you unconditionally
and for whom “no request is too extreme” [I had been singing
the song “When You Wish Upon A Star,” of which this is a line,
during my walk a few minutes ago]. . . . You haven’t quit, Mr.
Neall. You are stepping out in many ways: attending Finding Freedom
group; male companionship; musical development [redoing my
singalong songbook by adding anecdotes for each of the 130 songs and
changing the cover photograph]; better diet; good disciplines:
prayers, walking, exercise, voice practice, listening to uplifting
videos on YouTube; catharsis / growling session when you feel
victimized or powerless.
I’m
a pretty busy guy, it sounds like. I could use a holiday—a holiday
from my own judgmental mind that never seems to let up on me: “You’re
not good enough . . . Nobody likes you . . . You’ll never amount to
anything.” . . . Help! . . . [burping; yawning] . . . I could use
a friend . . . [yawning; tears] . . .
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you. We have nothing else to
do than help uplift humanity in its woes . . . [yawning] . . . one at
a time, in present time. We will always help you to feel better, Mr.
Neall, or to fulfill your need, whatever it is. Love and light is
what we bring—eternal, unconditional love and light: the Big
Picture; freedom from fear and worry; spiritual nourishment; humour .
. .
Dear
one, I believe you. How do I keep you “in the forefront” of my
life so things go easier? So I laugh more often, feel at ease,
relaxed, more confident, more hopeful? More connected and without so
much stress / back inflammation?
Dear
Mr. Neall: By taking as much time as possible to love yourself, just
as you’re doing now—“as long as it takes.” Do gratitude
practice sessions on what you have accomplished, rather than keep
looking at what’s lacking—calmly . . . and again—“as long as
it takes” to feel at peace inside yourself . . . [burping] . .
. [Taking a break for a gratitude practice session] . . .
I
am more peaceful; emotionally calm. The back pain has subsided. Thank
you. I experienced being truly grateful for those who taught me
automatic writing, and all those who support me in becoming healthier
and happier. . . . That’s quite a change—in about an hour.
We
are experts, remember (been doing this a long time). . . . Vaya con
Dios, dear one. Enjoy your calm. . . . Your Higher Self. Your “lucky
star.”
March
7, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are always with you, Mr. Neall.
Is
it possible my health is actually changing? That the back
inflammation is going away, since starting on a new health treatment
(the immune-system rebuilder known as ‘low-dose naltrexone’)? . .
. Life feels more liveable than ever before. It’s easier to look
forward; easier to know who I am; easier to be assertive. I’m less
self-critical. I realized some of these things during my hour-long
talk with my friend and former singalong-leading partner from
Vancouver (M.D.) two days ago. Now we appear to be becoming
“lightworker partners.” I am filled with light after talking to
her. . . . It’s going to take all the courage I can muster to make
money with my photography. Having energy (and doing without the
voices of self-negation) is the first step. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about moving out of a survival level of
existence, embracing more abundance, from here on . . . the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are starting to understand why we say, “Don’t
quit.” The quality of your life is improving: every aspect. You are
getting clearer about “spiritual life” and what it entails; your
disciplines are paying dividends as you face head-on your struggle to
overcome isolation. We are with you every step of the way, and will
be for every struggle you face. (It’s our job, recall.)
I
have so many shortcomings and addictions and health and abundance
issues that it seems no one would want to stick with me through “all
of this.”
No
one . . . except . . . your Higher Self—who is a part of you . . .
[yawning] . . . who is limitless, eternal, and a source of
unconditional love . . . [yawning] . . . who is with you “no
matter what” . . . who abandons no one; is gentle, kind and sure;
never lacks for confidence; has no self-esteem issues; is a patient
teacher of transformation, of converting problems into soul
expansion. . . . Make no mistake what’s happening here, Mr. Neall:
school—remember? You are learning to overcome your problems with
the help of your Higher Self in order to be able to help others to do
the same.
.
. . My career, my calling . . . the end of illness . . . the end of
self-doubt, self-criticism, self-punishment, small thinking, et
cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
You’ve
got it, Pontiac. This is a “partnership in (making) progress.”
It
is a partnership—and a powerful one. I “forgot” again. .
. . Keep reminding me, dear one. Playing victim is no fun—especially
once I’ve experienced a bit of the alternative. Thank you for not
giving up on me.
We
can’t. We don’t know how to . . .
I’m
beginning to appreciate that, and to be grateful for it.
We’ll
be as helpful as we know how. . . . Vaya con Dios, dear one. Your
Higher Self, Thursday version.
March
12, 2013: Alder Clinic, Birch Street at Evergreen Road [check],
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
I’m
waiting for my doctor appointment (as you know)—first one in
Campbell River. Thank you that I stay relaxed and that I ask the
right questions; that I leave feeling better than when I arrived, and
so does he. . . . My back is sore; I feel in near-terminal
embarrassment over two photo-art submissions to magazines from which
I did not even hear back from the editors / publishers. I seem to be
in the midst of a personality change; perhaps my communications have
been a little ‘off.’ I’d like to stop worrying about this and
enjoy myself more; have more fun; play more.
Dear
Mr. Neall: We support all of that, dear one. You are wise to turn to
your Higher Self when confused or in doubt or in pain. As you know,
we have no judgment on any aspect of your life. We welcome you into
the world of love and light—as much of it as you can handle.
[Called to my appointment.]
March
17, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear one.
Life
is changing. I attended a movie night (“spiritual cinema”) on
Friday evening and service at the Centre for Spiritual Living today.
These are real people, interested (as I am) in spirit. I’m not
“falling through the cracks of society” any more. My “brokenness”
is not a problem; everyone around me is “living and learning,” as
I am. . . . I can sing easily for 45 minutes now. I have redone my
singalong songbook (“brought it out of mothballs”). I’m
listening to great music on YouTube (Brothers Cazimero; trumpet
concertos). I’m disciplined. . . . I’m still concerned with
losing strength in my legs, and my left foot dragging. Thank you for
guiding me to healing in this area, through changing my DNA, perhaps?
. . . What is the best thing to know regarding my health / healing /
recovery this evening, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We applaud every step forward out of unhappiness—just as
we have compassion during every fall-back. Growth is possible here in
Campbell River, as you already know from your experiences with your
life coach; with your becoming part of a healing community; with not
looking backwards much any more.
What
a breakthrough of the spirit! No wonder I sit in awe in my van for an
hour after each Sunday morning service.
Awe
is good, Mr. Neall . . . as are fun, laughter and play—as
you pray for. And joy, lightness and ease. Get your fair share—you’re
overdue; grow these aspects of your soul as well. . . . We are with
you for all of it—never-ending partnership, available for the
asking. . . . Today you thought about the notion “music is home,”
as we mentioned earlier in these pages. As you create music for
yourself and others you will feel more at home. You are well on your
way with it—close to “going public”; inspired by the Brothers
Cazimero. You know what music is for people: therapy, healing and
play, ‘everyone on the same page’ for the time they are singing
together.
It’s
“an honourable calling.”
You’ve
got that right . . .
I’ve
also been thinking about how “love solves problems, or doesn’t
create them in the first place,” as you have stated. This is such a
wonderful truth for me; one I want to grow with. I wore myself out
with conflict—decades of it (mostly unconscious). Hopefully I can
resurrect my body as I do. Perhaps I’ll need a lot of raw juices as
well. Thank you for guiding me in this. I will be ever so grateful to
feel more strength in my legs and pelvis and lower back.
Dear
Mr. Neall: You know what you want—that’s always the first step.
Gratitude is a good second step. Knowing that we are always here to
help is a good third one. Discipline a fourth one. Loving yourself,
fifth.
That’s
a plan worth remembering (but then, good ideas are your specialty).
Once again, I realize I am in partnership with a wise being, My
Higher Self . . . and I surrender to it. Perhaps that’s the sixth
step.
You
are on your game today, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Have a
pleasant walk home. Your Higher Self.
April
1, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, dear Mr. Neall.
So
. . . progress is being made. I’ve encountered several males I know
over the Easter weekend, and made other contacts regarding creativity
at the spiritual centre. These are essential to my happiness. Today I
felt your presence as I walked in nature. I thought of some of the
“good times” we’ve had, such as the day I was singing “Jingle
Bells” driving to downtown Vancouver and recognized your hand in
that joyous experience. My disciplines are giving me the courage to
“hang in there” for social contact; to be patient and ‘let
things develop.’ . . . What’s the most important thing to know
about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are learning surrender. Congratulations. Please know
that we are with you for everything—health, finances,
relationships, career or life path, creativity, home, transportation.
Not to mention unconditional love and humour and freedom from worry
and fear—the way your favourite Buddhist teacher, Ajahn Brahm,
lives and what draws you to him: a man who can think outside the box;
who knows about freedom, peace of mind and the power of the stilled
mind (he speaks extemporaneously from it every week, on a wide range
of spiritual topics); who feels at home in his body; who knows the
power in friendship . . . a man who teaches—and lives—kindness;
who is not afraid of anyone; who is not afraid to make mistakes or to
laugh at them. [I’ve watched dozens of his hour-long Friday
evening talks on YouTube.]
Acknowledge
yourself for your ability to find teachers you can relate to, who
speak the language you want to learn: the language of happiness and
peace.
He
is the happiest and most peaceful man I have encountered.
Again,
Mr. Neall, we say: Congratulations. You know what you want and you
recognize it in others. . . . Compassion, ‘thinking outside the
box’ and self-acceptance are powerful steps towards happiness. And
we are with you in every step. As you know, we know nothing about
failure—we don’t speak that language.
Thank
God for that. I’m pleased to be acquainted with such a level of
consciousness. It’s an environment in which I can start eliminating
the notion of failure from my own mental patterns. And to build a
higher level of self-acceptance—one of my goals . . . [yawning] . .
. Thank you . . . [yawning] . . . And I know you are with me for this
as well.
Indeed,
Mr. Neall. You are not alone any more . . . [yawning] . . .
I
have a “partner in progress,” a “forever friend” who abandons
no one.
Right
on again. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall, from the “human being
filling station.”
April
9, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, dear Mr. Neall—glad to be communicating.
.
. . [yawning] . . . Changes, changes. . . . I’m making steps to be
more involved in a spiritual community via a health and fitness
support group that my minister has initiated. I’m going to make
more efforts to get involved as a singalong leader. But I want to
make sure that I get enough solitude and time with my Higher Self;
time of restoration and healing and renewal, of filling up. . . .
What’s the most important thing I need to know about my health /
healing / recovery today? How can I make today a holiday (holy day)?
Dear
Neall: Please know that we are with you; that we like to be with you;
that we are ready to do our “job” of uplifting and nourishing
your spirit; our job of filling you with love and light, ease and
amusement.
I
can’t think of a more welcome set of qualities. You are a gift to
me.
And
gladly do we give—eternally and unconditionally, with no judgment,
free for the asking.
And
I need do nothing special to deserve this—no pretzel-like yoga
positions or fasting or self-flagellation . . .
Especially
not the latter!
That’s
where I get stuck often: thinking there must be a hard work or
self-deprivation involved; thinking I don’t deserve to feel good or
to feel supported—old, deep childhood patterns.
And
we can help, dear one. You pray nearly every day to feel “safe,
secure, supported and sufficient.” We are that force. We are that
love. We are that (invisible) strength. We are the effortlessness,
the hope, the humour you seek. Surrendering to this force makes
everything easier. Surrendering to this partnership connects you to a
bigger perspective than the scared child can provide.
I
know that’s what you provide . . . it’s just that some days I
find it hard to believe that there exists a positive force greater
than what my suffering and abandoned child can know . . .
.
. . and yet you bring yourself to these writing sessions over and
over again . . .
That’s
called faith, isn’t it? . . . [tears] . . .
You’ve
got it, Pontiac. You are building your faith. You are willing
to see life from another point of view; you’re doing what it
takes. That’s how you get stronger—by developing a more flexible
mind; by being willing to move off of your positionality, once you
discover you are stuck.
I
want the Good Life.
We’ll
do everything possible to bring it to you, Mr. Neall—no hesitation,
no questions asked, no admission fee, no dress code. You’re “in
the club.”
What
I’ve longed for . . .
We
know. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Bless you always on your
“French fry holiday” at the A & W. [An order of French
fries with ketchup is what I was eating; it is a “holiday snack”
because I usually restrict myself to having this as a treat when I’m
on vacation.]
April
13, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street,
Campbell River
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
close at hand, Mr. Neall.
Exciting
week, and then a tough day today—emotional overwhelm and
discouragement about my health. I’ve been uplifted about my writing
success: 850 visits last month to my Internet essays and poetry, up
from an average of about 300 up to this month; discouraged by a lack
of progress in photography; uplifted by Buddhist teacher Ajahn Brahm
(hundreds of videos on YouTube) and by my Higher Self; struggling
with isolation / connection issues and money issues. . . . What’s
the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing /
recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: There is no judgment on your life. Please remember this—as
you wrote so effectively in your excerpt #1. Give yourself a holiday
from judging yourself—peace of mind. T-R-U-S-T in your Higher Self.
We will always help. We never go to sleep. We offer endless
compassion, forgiveness, mercy, the end of struggle, win / win
situations, love and light, humour, wisdom, mentoring, brothering /
sistering—whatever you need in order to feel whole and nourished
and free from fear and worry.
.
. . and there is no charge for this teaching . . .
As
you know . . .
What
else do I need to know tonight?
“Do
your best and leave the rest,” Mr. Neall. Get off the wheel of
self-criticism, self-doubt, self-punishment, self-loathing. . . . You
are making progress. Acknowledge every step forward. Pray
ceaselessly. Exercise. Remember to smile. Take it easy on yourself.
Pet the neighbour’s cat that comes and sits on your back porch, and
likes your attention. Enjoy the spring flowers you planted, and the
magnificent magnolia tree blossoming in your backyard that you
photographed today. “Be of good cheer,” Mr. Neall. Life is
changing; you are changing. Though it’s chilly today, warmth will
soon be here. . . . Love yourself, dear one. As you understood today,
it’s self-care you need when you are out of sorts. Take all the
time you need. Once again: There is no judgment on your life: never
was, never will be . . . we don’t speak that language. We speak the
language of hope.
We are home,
Mr. Neall. This will never change . . . [yawning]
.
. . “Forever home,” Mr. Neall—Eternity,
the Big Picture, the Answer, the New Dawn, the ne
plus ultra,
the sine
qua non. It
doesn’t get any better than this. You have found your way to the
Source, to the Sun. There’s nothing behind you, Mr. Neall. Don’t
look back (as we’ve said before). Your path is love and light. Is
there anything else you want?
There
nothing else I want than peace of mind, freedom from fear and worry,
happiness, friendship, meaningful connection, sufficiency.
That’s
exactly what we offer . . . [yawning] . . .
Please
. . . keep offering—especially on days like today.
It
is “no effort” for us. Please remember this too. We have nothing
else to do—nothing else to do. This is our “job”—uplifting
humanity (at least, those who want to be uplifted). We will never
quit. We can’t quit. We know what perseverance is—and how you
have learned it. We know all about you, Mr. Neall—we know your
soul’s history. We are perfectly positioned to be of assistance in
your development.
So
you are. And I am struggling to let you in tonight.
No
worries, Mr. Neall. Still you are loved.
Thank
you. I will “do my best and leave the rest” . . . forgive
the rest . . . [yawning; tears] . . . Nothing else works.
You’ve
got that right. . . . Vaya con Dios, friend. Tomorrow is another day.
April
16, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
With
you forever, Mr. Neall.
Tough
morning, dear one. After e-mailing regarding a positive-sounding
potential new home for June 1 last night, I didn’t get a response
by 10:00 a.m. and immediately I went into painful self-attack. I
analyzed my e-mail message over and over: What did I say wrong? What
impression had I left? I condemned myself (yes, to hell!) for my
supposed lack of communication skills; and for opening a dialogue
with a potential new landlord when I was feeling tired and close to
overwhelm.
This
morning, glad for the sunshine and the warmth (14 deg. C), I’ve
come for a long walk to downtown. All the way I prayed, as with a
mantra, “I forgive myself” over and over. Now I am more peaceful.
And hopefully, by the time I finish this dialogue, I will feel
spiritually nourished—filled up.
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are getting wise—going into “repair mode” as
soon you recognize the problem. You are moving into new territory
spiritually as well as physically—expanding your level of trust and
faith to get a good home on your budget—so there are bumps in the
road at times.
What’s
the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing /
recovery? Teach me how to fill myself up, to nourish myself, through
my Higher Self today . . . [yawning] . . .
Dear
Mr. Neall: The forces of love and light, of unconditional love, never
sleep. We are always available. We hear every call. We know who you
are; we know the “orphan spirit” seeking the Good Parent; the
seeker searching to know himself and to renew himself, to reinvent
himself as a happier person, as a spiritual person, as a lightworker
with a new career, a true purpose, being pulled forward by a vision
of a happy and peaceful (and sun-filled) life; a life with a smile on
his face, free from fear and worry, free from the effects of karma.
That’s
the story in one paragraph. Thank you. Please continue to guide me.
I’m going to walk home again in the sunshine. I am fortunate to
know you.
You
are indeed, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Sunshine.
April
26, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, with birthday greetings to add to those from your
friends and well-wishers. Dear Mr. Neall, let them in: celebrate—and
know that you are loved.
Thank
you. May our partnership continue forever.
It
is an eternal partnership, Mr. Neall, and we are glad to be with you
in it. Your openness to receiving love and thus happiness is
expanding, and we celebrate this with you as well. . . . No fear, Mr.
Neall, as you grow your Campbell River “New Horizons” [my new
landlord owns a seniors’ residence in CR called “New Horizons].
Keep asking for our love; keep up your disciplines; keep growing your
faith, your art, your love, “the path that cannot fail” . . . We
will not fail you, Mr. Neall. You can “take that to the bank.” .
. . Be of good cheer, be of good career, be in the eternal: the
Source of All. . . . Blessings, dear one. Vaya con Dios [song in
my mind: “Love Can Build A Bridge”].
May
2, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, Campbell River,
BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are close by, Mr. Neall.
One
would think with all the benefits to be derived from this dialogue I
would engage in it more often [six days since the last one]. But then
I remember that self-criticism and self-judgment accomplish nothing,
and I can relax again—all is well; I am home. . . . What is the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
tonight, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Know that you are loved endlessly. And that you are free
to grow at a pace that works for you—always. Celebrate your
changes: male companionship / exercise / bike riding / new home /
offer of place to stay if you need it / Vancouver friends are coming
to visit / photography and writing are getting attention / spring
warm weather has arrived. You are meditating, exercising and praying
almost every day now; running for part of your daily walk. You have
more energy. You understand yourself better than ever, and can
communicate from a place of strength and courage and heart, as you
are with your new landlord / landlady.
This
is the result of my disciplines, as you’ve mentioned. Devotion to
my Source, to “the God of Rumi” and to the Good Life is working.
May this partnership in love and light and learning continue.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Gladly we nourish souls like you—like in the poem you
sent off today (“River Love”). Never stop learning and growing.
Stay in school forever. Why not? It’s what brings you hope and
happiness.
I
want your help in cleaning up the house tomorrow and for the holiday
that I’m starting on the 4th. Once again I’m on a
tight budget; once again I have some resistance to doing the
housework and “moving on”; feeling the loneliness of a
peripatetic lifestyle . . . [burping] . . .
We
are with you for the asking, Mr. Neall, as you may recall from your
Monday trip to Courtenay to close out your storage space. Loading and
unloading the van was effortless because of that.
Indeed
it was. I am grateful for such experiences: help with the everyday
drudgeries that can’t be avoided or put off. Another area to “grow
my faith”; to grow my happiness.
No
problemo, Neallerino. Upliftment for the price of asking—through
surrendering. You’re getting better at it.
I
could spend some time patting myself on the back.
Indeed.
And “patting yourself on the mind” as well, as in
meditation—changing the old neural patterns. . . . Keep it up, Mr.
Neall. We know you love to create results, and we are with you for
all of it. . . . Vaya con Dios, dear one. Be blessed; be nourished.
Become real; become peaceful—free from worry. It’s looking good
on you.
May
6, 2013: Oceanside viewpoint on Highway 19A near Campbell River
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
No
problem, Mr. Neall, to be with you—any time, anywhere: “a friend
for the asking” . . . [tears] . . .
Thank
you . . . [burping] . . . When I went to set out from my campsite at
Miracle Beach Provincial Park this morning, the battery was dead
[interior lights and radio on for hours last night]. But that’s how
I feel: in need of a recharge. . . . Thankfully, within minutes I
found the campground operator; he had a “booster pack” in his
pickup and in minutes I was on my way. So my van has had a boost, and
now I turn to “my personal booster pack”—my Higher Self—to
get my personal batteries recharged. I make it my priority to stop
everything else rather than continue going through my day feeling
tired or out of sorts. . . . What’s the most important thing to
know about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I get
recharged?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Making us a priority (and Jesus, as you did in reading a
chapter in your favourite Jesus book, “Walking Through Illusion,”
first thing this morning) is what can change your life. Turning to
love and light for answers, becoming peaceful before starting your
day, is a recipe for success, and we wish you nothing but—and all
the happiness you can stand, on these exceptionally warm spring days
that you enjoy so much.
How
can I become more real, dear one? “Walking Through Illusion” is a
superb training manual in becoming real, with a first-class teacher.
I’m still a long way from being able to relax while being connected
to society—thus the need for this holiday, my back being in spasm
once again. I’m asking for help; for recharging.
Please
know, Mr. Neall, that there is no judgment on your situation. You
have the right to “self-care” in any way that works for you. As
your friend M.D. stated wisely in a recent e-mail to you: “There is
no one way to do life.” . . . Let that liberating message in, dear
one. Acknowledge your uniqueness; acknowledge your progress in
getting your feet on the ground; in making progress creatively,
socially, physically and mentally. Know that you are loved—by
your mentor / minister and by your Higher Self. We will never
abandon you. And, as you learn to trust us, so you can develop
other relationships of trust—as you understand is happening now:
part of the “heaven on earth” you are building, step by step.
Thank
you. I had “forgotten” the progress I am making in that regard.
No wonder I’m stressed: it’s “the stress of success”—including
being in “the right home” for the past five months; the owner is
connected to people at the spiritual centre.
Let
it happen, dear one: the right books, the right home, the right
people, the right guidance (“take a holiday”)—even the right
weather for a holiday (warmth and sunshine predicted); and the right
timing: campgrounds not crowded or noisy at this time of year; right
new friendships through Facebook . . . all through learning to “love
and be loved”; to stop judging yourself; to accept your calling as
a lightworker; to accept the ability to bless and be blessed—as you
shared on Facebook last week [W. B. Yeats poem excerpt]:
My
fiftieth year had come and gone;
I
sat, a solitary man, in a crowded London shop,
An
open book and empty cup on the marble table top.
As
on the shop and street I gazed
My
body of a sudden blazed
And
twenty minutes, more or less,
It
seemed, so great my happiness,
That
I was blessed
And
could bless.
Many
changes . . .
Indeed,
dear one. The forces of love and light are always busy.
And
for that I am grateful . . . [tears] . . .
Go
with God, Mr. Neall. Go in your new maturity, your new level of
wholeness, in light and in love, always. Never quit, dear one.
Signed: “The love affair that never ends.” . . . [burping] .
. .
May
7, 2013: Black Creek General Store parking lot, Highway 19A, Black
Creek, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are present, Mr. Neall—lightworkers always available.
Worry,
worry, worry—it seems to be all I do. How do I get enough money so
I don’t feel deprived? How do I balance my health needs / tendency
to overwhelm / sensitivity with my need to be social? . . . I am on a
three-week vacation till the end of the month, when my new home will
be ready. How can I best use this time without thinking I am off on
an imbalanced isolation kick again, like last year? How can feel my
path more clearly?
Dear
Mr. Neall: No one is left alone in the world. Help is always
available. Unconditional love is the framework of the universe. It’s
like tuning in to a radio station, or finding the right channel on a
TV—the one that resonates with light and love nonstop 24 / 7. It’s
about getting your self-negation out of the way: self-punishment,
self-humiliation, self-criticism, self-judgment.
Life
without them is basically unknown to me, and seems almost
unbelievable—like living in heaven . . .
Exactly—“heaven
on earth”: the outcome of spiritual cleansing; of inner work; the
language of Jesus, of Rumi, of all the great teachers. You are a
student, are you not—a student of the Good Life?
Yes.
One who is stuck in survival issues . . . primal fears and terrors of
“standing on his own two feet,” of becoming fully healthy.
Recall,
Mr. Neall, that we are with you in everything—as we have
promised many times. You have no evidence that this plan has changed.
No,
I don’t . . .
Then
tune in to this “unchanging God,” who always was, is, and also
will be: the infinite, the eternal, the source—and your
friend and companion; the ne plus ultra: “above that which
is no other”; your “partner in transformation; “the one who
fears not”—does not speak that language; the one you know as a
gentle but sure guide to wholeness, completeness, happiness and
peace. . . . Let us nudge your mind once again out of complication,
confusion, chaos and self-criticism and into unconditional love and
freedom from fear and worry: your birthright; everyone’s
birthright. Get to know this territory, Mr. Neall. Study this
road map. It’s your most important journey.
I
am willing. “Help thou mine unwillingness.”
Gladly,
dear one. We have “all the time in the world”—and far beyond
it. There is nothing else we do.
Once
again, my lack of faith shows up; my unskilfulness in navigating life
. . . [yawning] . . . my stuckness . . . [yawning] . . .
It’s
part of the process of learning—as you saw in the book you finished
reading today [Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation by
Jeff Brown].
Once
again, I need to believe that you truly are always available, as you
promise: a “forever friend.” Seems like quite a stretch
sometimes.
Remember
The Beatles’ album Rubber Soul? Perhaps they were on to
something about stretching . . .
I
seem to be lightening up . . . or, rather we seem to have
lightened up. Music: therapy, healing and play, as a former choir
leader of mine used to say . . . [burping] . . .
Whatever
works, dear one—whatever works . . .
I
believe. I believe. I believe.
We
never quit, beloved. We never quit. We never quit. . . . We never
quit saying “Vaya con Dios.” . . . Go in happiness and peace,
always. . . . And remember us. We remember you.
Thank
you . . . [yawning; tears] . . .
May
10, 2013: The Forbidden Zone Pizza and Coffee, Oyster River Plaza,
Hwy 19A, Oyster River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall.
After
my intense catharsis session while driving the rural back roads
around Black Creek on Thursday afternoon, I seem to have moved out of
depression and into anxiety. Now that “a future unlike my past”
seems more available to me, what shall I put into it? How does one
become a “representative of love and light”? And should I take
the part-time job detailing automobiles that has come up, to
supplement my income? Is my energy system functioning smoothly enough
yet for me to take on something like this?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are asking good questions. . . . First of all,
congratulations on your successful catharsis session. Your new
feelings of strength are testament to that. The resulting
disappearance of feelings of victimization leaves you temporarily
confused and uncertain. Patience, dear one. You are overcoming the
problems of lifetimes. . . . Fill up with our love and light; accept
our mentoring, our security, our knowing. Fill your heart . . . and
then follow its longings for a happier life; for freedom from fear
and worry; for everyday courage.
You
are always positive and supportive. I am glad to have you in my life.
You are my teacher of happiness.
Exactly—available
to all, all the time.
“If
I didn’t know you, I would have had to invent you,” as it is
said.
Creativity
is also available to all, as you know.
Is
there anything else to know about my journey of health / healing /
recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: The path of peace and happiness is widening. As stated in
your dream last week, you are “three-quarters of the way clear of
your childhood.” Time to start celebrating, knowing that it is safe
to lighten up; to move more quickly; to more easily “think on your
feet”; to have good outcomes; to believe in yourself as a man of
God and a friend to those in need—based on a foundation of
self-esteem and empowerment. Again: congratulations. Many happy
returns of the day, friend. You are not forgotten, ever. . . . Vaya
con Dios. . . . Your Higher Self. Your Essence. Your compañionero.
May
13, 2013: The Forbidden Zone Pizza and Coffee, Oyster River Plaza,
Hwy 19A, Oyster River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
After
a most expansive Mother’s Day yesterday (special service at the
spiritual centre); lunch with two mothers—friends from Vancouver),
I am still camping near Campbell River, waiting for a cheque (return
of security deposit), and notice to come for an interview for the
auto detailing job. Rain is pouring down outside; the forecast is for
four more days of it at least, so camping is a bummer, and I hang out
in coffee shops . . . and converse with my Higher Self. . . . What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Speaking of friendship: “forever friends”—think on
that for a while. The all-encompassing, nonjudgmental conversation
you had over a tasty restaurant lunch yesterday after service is
available forever. That is what you have begun with this
pen-and-paper dialogue. . . . Let your trust in this tool bring
nourishment to your soul. Let your self-care flourish, erasing the
toxicity and despair of the past and bringing hope for the future.
I
definitely have more strength. I noticed the new clarity in my voice
while speaking at lunch yesterday; the growth in self-acceptance; the
allowing of people to care about me. “I’m so glad you’ve found
your home (town),” B.W. enthused. My journey has been
witnessed—vital for one who spent years feeling separate and alone
. . . [yawning] . . .
We
celebrate every victory with you, Mr. Neall, and we always will:
endless support, endless nourishment, endless heart. We cannot fail,
dear one—we know nothing about it. Unconditional love is the
language we speak—as did Jesus. Reach for it, Mr. Neall; reach for
your happiness and peace. We will never let you down.
Love
and light, eternally . . .
You’ve
got it, Pontiac . . . Hope. “Dreams come true.” “Sunshine
mind.” “Being in the flow.” Active. Connected. Smiling.
Fearless. Loving.
Thank
you for our connection today.
May
14, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Hwy 19A, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Right
here, Mr. Neall—no hesitation, no effort, no lack of love, no
worries. Eternal, infinite caring; love and light; peace of mind . .
.
“The
full meal deal.”
Indeed.
So
. . . after my special Mother’s Day, and now living temporarily
with another male, all my well-practised habits of life-avoidance
seem to be up in my face: reading newspapers, listening to
sports-talk radio, involvement in political machinations, solitary
travelling, snacking. . . . The lack of a vision pulling me forward
is most pronounced. I’ve got two-weeks-plus till my new home is
ready. Dear friend / guide / mentor / Higher Self / divinity within
me / Big Picture—what do I need to know to proceed . . . through
this day; this month; this year?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please accept our unconditional love and caring. It is
available forever. To live free from worry and fear, as your friend
B.W. does (as she told you at lunch on Sunday), is also one of the
options in life. . . . You are reaching for your personal
power—something you haven’t lived from for lifetimes; reaching
for self-esteem, self-affinity, self-approvement: the language of the
heart. . . . Dear one: Please accept these changes; this new style of
living in which you feel nourished by those around you; in which you
feel uplifted and inspired and connected; in which you feel seen as a
spiritual being at last; in which your gifts and talents can shine;
in which “the power of love” reigns rather than “the love of
power.” . . . Claim it and it’s yours, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con
Dios. Your Higher Self.
May
15, 2013: Roadside pull-out on Georgia Strait, Hwy 19A south of
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall, in gladness and peace. “Struggle is
optional.”
“Gladness
and peace”: two of my favourite words. . . . Due to a camping
rainout, I’ve ended up staying for two days with a man from the
spiritual centre. Despite having a lot of space, I have developed a
painful back strain. It’s time to leave, to once again find my
solitude, my “silent retreat.” . . . How can I best return to
“gladness and peace” today? How can I best love myself? . . .
What is the most important thing to know about my health / healing /
recovery?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You’ve already begun: by seeking a place close to nature
with a pleasant ocean view, going for a long walk and then pulling
out your writing book and pen—in the process finding the quote by
[renowned local artist] Sybil Andrews that you posted at the back of
your writing book—the one that states:
An
artist, a Creative Artist, cannot be confined within the bounds of
one culture or another culture. He must work in eternity, in God, in
Divine Mind, the one Creative Mind which we reflect and express.
His
work will be universal, individual—not regional or national—not
this or that culture or civilization.
But
ONE,
HIMSELF,
entirely
individual expression,
not
derivative,
but
HIMSELF,
YOURSELF,
YOUR
THOUGHT,
YOUR
IDEA.
[Artist’s
Kitchen, page 63; R. K. Hudson, London, 1985]
That
is you, Mr. Neall: creative artist and unique person. You have found
your way home again. Keep going and keep growing. We know you will do
what it takes, through self-care including exercise, prayer, Higher
Self dialogue, meditation and solitude, to bring yourself back to
beautiful balance. You’ve done it many times . . . [burping] .
. .
With
your help . . .
—the
power of relationship, Mr. Neall; of trust and faith that you have
been working on through perseverance . . .
[burping] .
. . and love—beginning with self-love . .
. [yawning] . . .
.
. . the gift to oneself—of peace of mind; a peaceful heart.
You’ve
got it, Mr. Neall: the sine qua non—what you have been
seeking.
I
accept you as my teacher—and Jesus too. I am willing to learn this
language: peace, bliss, happiness, health, clear conscience,
connectedness, maturity . . .
All
available, dear one, from the infinite flow of the universe, which
gladly gives to all who seek, who persevere, who take the time to
connect, who understand the limitless resources of spirit—who are
the lightworkers.
So
I do have a calling—becoming a lightworker . . . which I keep
forgetting about. What’s the best way to stay connected?
You’re
doing it: daily disciplines; like-minded companions; attending
service; staying focused and present; study; this dialogue. We will
never lead you astray (as you have learned). You’ve got a solid
partner here.
“Partner”—a
beautiful concept, especially for a solitary. . . . And you’ll
always be with me . . .
Always,
Mr. Neall . . . [burping] . . . that’s a promise.
May
God prevail, may good prevail—now and forever.
Go
with your good, your God, Mr. Neall—Vaya con Dios. Be blessed with
the spirit of peace—in you, as you, around you and through you.
May
22, 2013: Parking lot, Robert V. Ostler Park, Shoppers Row, Campbell
River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, dear Mr. Neall.
What’s
happened? I left on a two-day holiday feeling hopeful. I went
down-Island, camping, swimming and water-sliding, and was feeling
expansive, healthy, and looking forward to returning to Campbell
River rested—and now I’ve returned and my back is hurting more
than ever. Was it the half hour I spent in the hot tub after swimming
and water-sliding? Once again I am discouraged and despairing . . .
and so I turn to my Higher Self. What is the most important thing to
know about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I
re-establish our connection?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that there is no judgment of any kind on your
activities; that God’s love and light are always
available—endlessly and unconditionally. Know that you are loved
both in your pain and without it; in sunshine or in rain; travelling
or at home; self-critical or self-caring; at ease or under stress;
focused or scattered; feeling hopeful or hopeless . . .
[burping] . . . [yawning] . . . Think of all your progress, dear
one: Upgrading of your technological world with a new touch-screen
cell phone (that came with a very favourable rate plan, plus a $100
gift certificate); return of your security deposit with no hassle and
in cash; new rechargeable camera batteries at a 40-percent
discount—all as a response to a five-minute prayer treatment at
your spiritual centre that morning. Then the understanding hit you,
with exhilaration: “I have found my church! My belief system!” .
. .
.
. . You have met the people who will help you change your life; who
have the skills and knowledge and maturity and discipline that are
required. Your hard work, your detective work, your years of seeking
are paying off. . . . And your response to this feeling of liberation
is to go, once more, into self-attack, self-punishment and
self-negation—the “old energies” resurfacing. . . . “Be
kind, be gentle,” as Ajahn Brahm would say in his voice full of
compassion. Are there any other words you want to hear at a time like
this? . . . [burping; yawning] . . .
No—they
are just the right ones . . . beautiful, welcoming words . . . and
part of my “vision of hope”—a home in Western Australia [Ajahn
Brahm is spiritual director of the Buddhist Society of Western
Australia near Perth, WA] . . . [tears; yawning; burping] . .
.
Empowerment,
Mr. Neall—empowerment is what will get you to Australia . . .
[deep burping] . . . Empowerment is what is happening to you. . .
. You are learning the skills of a new game. Today, instead of
continuing on in physical and emotional pain, you stopped and began
this dialogue. Congratulations. You are “laying the foundations of
self-creation” through this powerful tool—part of the infinite
world of “self-healing through love and light” . . .
.
. . through “The All That Is” . . .
Indeed
. . . through the force that declares “We will never let you
down”—and delivers on that promise every time it is asked to.
My
“permanent partnership”; my “forever friend” . . .
You’ve
got it, dear one. . . . You are loved. . . . Chew on that one
for a while, as you have your lunch. . . . Vaya con Dios, in peace,
dear one—all the way to the sunshine of Australia.
I
am grateful for your presence and your unfailing help and guidance.
***
POSTED ON MY BLOG TO HERE ***
May
25, 2013: Site 81, Elk Falls Campground, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
close by, Mr. Neall.
Thank
you. Major healing is occurring. I had a beautiful healing session
two days ago at the Healing Ministry offices on Pier Street: a
powerful personal encounter with “God’s love”—no other way to
explain it—after a day of pain and confusion. A gift of money has
arrived and I finally have new, high-intensity headlights to replace
the old bulbs that weren’t bright enough to make me feel safe. I
successfully socialized today at the Vineyard church’s “community
dinner” and had an intelligent one-on-one discussion afterwards. I
am getting known and connected in ways never before experienced. I am
no longer invisible. . . . I exercised today and I walked in the
sunshine, taking time for myself to recharge. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today,
dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We applaud your skill at interpreting your needs and then
getting them met—and on your (expanding) budget. We applaud you
becoming someone you like. We applaud you accepting partnership in
healing—partnership on the path of love and empowerment: the path
of the heart . . . on opening to “juicy life.” It looks good on
you, Mr. Neall. Don’t quit, ever—as we‘ve said before. The
doors of spirit are always open to you: the doors of enlightened
living; the doors to a “lightened up life”; the doors to joy and
happiness. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. “Saturday night’s
always all right” for those who love discipline, a.k.a.
discipleship.
May
31, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Glad
to be with you, Mr. Neall, in partnership and brotherhood.
My
support group (Finding Freedom) is working. I experienced support
today like never before. And I’m in my new home—first real home
in years—for the first day today. Moving my boxes I strained my
back. Thank you for your help in relieving that. . . . What’s the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Blessings on your accomplishments in bringing your
spirited self successfully down to earth; in joining with others
through your courage and perseverance. And now once again taking up
the discipline of writing . . . [yawning] . . . in order to
raise your spirits . . . [yawning] . . . to express yourself .
. . to become whole . . . [yawning; burping] . . . to
experience love and light, peace and happiness, upliftment, inner
strength, hope, wisdom and communication with the universe and its
truths . . . [burping] . . .
Beautiful—thank
you for reminding me. Thank you for always being available; for being
the Good Parent I never had; for invoking wisdom and inner peace. You
are an essential, invaluable, irreplaceable part of me . . .
[yawning] . . . I am being recharged through this dialogue . . .
[yawning] . . . That is as it should be . . . doing your job of
uplifting humanity. . . . I look forward to being connected with you
24 / 7—as some of the healers and ministers I’ve met are. . . .
More growing to do; more happiness to be won; more connectedness to
achieve—keeps me engaged with life instead of alone and separate. .
. . I am glad to have a teacher “on call.” The “novelty”
never seems to wear out—because the results are always profound,
growth-invoking and satisfying.
Dear
Mr. Neall: This dialogue can go on forever. It’s limited only by
your level of willingness. As we’ve said: We are always glad to do
our “job”; glad to watch you grow. It’s effortless for us—a
quality we know you are attracted to, especially as you unpack your
boxes after four years and put everything in its place, move
furniture and set up healthy relationships with the hobby farm’s
owners. Please accept our blessings as you proceed through this
process, one you had become unfamiliar with.
Indeed.
Your support here is very welcome. “Ask and you shall receive”
seems the appropriate principle to apply here . . .
Your
instincts are right on, Mr. Neall. Your “permanent partnership”
is functioning as it should. You can indeed carry us everywhere you
go. . . . Vaya con Dios, starseeker.
Amen.
June
9, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall—master of the new Android cell phone.
Thank
you, Beloved. . . . New phone, new home, new hoe. Less past, more
future. . . . Tomorrow morning I have X-rays and ultrasound at the
hospital, due to a small lump on my right breast—that has been
shrinking and is basically gone, after several weeks of focused
prayers on it. I’m asking for your presence, though, during the
whole process.
Dear
Mr. Neall. We are glad to be with you—now and then; in love and in
light; in compassion and courage. It is no effort for us, and we like
to be with you.
Thank
you. . . . What is the most important thing to know about my health /
healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are putting yourself into environments where you can
grow. Congratulations on your courage. You are becoming recognized in
more corners of town—church, spiritual centre, the library,
shopping mall, at your home. Your dream of a better life is
manifesting . . . [yawning] . . . your disciplines are paying off;
you see that a lifestyle of constant growth bring happiness and
peace. . . . Be love and be loved, compañionero. . . . Vaya con
Dios. Your Higher Self.
June
13, 2013: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
.
. . [tears] . . . Dear Mr. Neall: We are glad to connect with
you once again. It is no effort for us; and you deserve all the
Higher Self connection you can generate; all the love and peace and
honourableness and purposefulness . . .
Thank
you. I’m not sure whether to take a holiday or not. I seem to be
lacking in direction. . . . What’s the most important thing to know
about my health / healing / recovery today? . . . [burping] . . .
Dear
Mr. Neall: Know that you are loved, cared about, guided, held in
compassion—forever. There is no lack of anything in your Higher
Self. You are wise to spend time in dialogue with it; to open your
heart / mind / soul once again to the infinite forces of renewal and
hope, of light and love.
June
19, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Never
far away, dear Mr. Neall.
I’m
back at Timmy Ho’s with my writing book, seeking guidance from my
Higher Self—friend, mentor, guide, compañionero, “the one who
never fails.” . . . I am exhausted and in pain, deeply unhappy, in
near-crisis regarding my home—too tired to say what I need to say
to my landlady to get “back on track”; to feel empowered in my
new home; to reach this new level of skilled, adult communications in
which I can no longer be lectured to or “wiped out” / obliterated
/ punished by authority figures, or treated like a child or
adolescent. . . . What’s the most important thing to know tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please accept our unconditional love and support, our
nourishment and guidance. Please know that there is a way
through this painful conundrum, and we are glad to be your partner
for this journey, this change, this healing, this return to
self-love, this growth. . . . As you know from experience, we have a
limitless—infinite—array of techniques, limitless patience and a
willingness to help.
I
need a lot of help, as I head into the “unknown territory” of an
empowered and loving lifestyle in a new city. I barely recognize
myself any more. But my “long face” and back pain reveal to me
how deeply out of touch I am at the moment. Somewhere there is ease.
. . . I take all of this to my Higher Self, “forever friend” who
knows me better than anyone. . . . I need new words—a new
language—to describe what I am going through. I have a deep, deep
longing to be peaceful and happy. I experienced some of it during my
long phone call with M.D. the other evening. If I can have that
enlightened a conversation, what else is possible? And I don’t want
to go back to old ways of relating, for sure. This is true “divine
discontent.”
Dear
Mr. Neall: You know we are always with you; that we are bigger than
any problem you may be in; that we have “compassion big as the sky”
. . . [yawning] . . . that we never punish; we abandon no one;
and will do what it takes, for as long as it takes, to help you
change your mind . . . [yawning] . . .
I
accept. . . . What do I need to know?
That
you are deeply exhausted. You have been socializing at levels never
before engaged in, for several months now, including at the spiritual
centre on Sundays, and meeting people from there on the street for
long chats at McDonald’s, or like at the Japanese Festival on
Saturday, for hours. This, plus your new home situation and contact
with your Japanese friend in Vancouver and M.D., has worn you down.
You’ve been caught off guard through the exhilaration of being
accepted so completely almost everywhere—the result of your
disciplines of prayer, meditation, exercise and “living one day at
a time” opening you up to new levels of self-acceptance. You are
“learning the lessons of life.”
So
what now? . . . How do I recover? Show me the way—please . . .
You
are doing it. Talking to your Higher Self—the Divine within you—is
one of the best things you can do. You are taking the time to get in
touch with the Big Picture, the place of freedom from fear and worry
and discontent . . . [yawning] . . . taking the time to
contact your “Buddha nature.”
That
is my goal—for every day of my life.
A
worthy goal, dear one. In that place, you can be truly useful to
others.
—another
of my goals. . . . I accept this teaching tonight; this relationship
of learning and nourishment . . . [yawning] . . . My faith has grown.
That’s
the plan, dear one. And there’s no end to it. You can keep growing
forever.
And
with a teacher like you, I want to. I want my forever friendship; my
permanent partnership in growth. This writing is the most important
thing I do.
Indeed
it is, Mr. Neall. You are wise to understand that. . . .Vaya con
Dios. Your anytime, anywhere Higher Self. Your Beloved. Your Buddha.
June
24, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road
and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
I
want to decide by the end of the week whether to stay on in the coach
house at the hobby farm. I feel empowered once again; yet I have to
ascertain whether I think it possible to develop a healthy
relationship with the landlady (her husband works out of town most of
the time). If I’m leaving, I’ll want to give notice on June 30
for the end of July. This is an important decision, so please help me
make a good one—the one that leads to my highest happiness.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please believe that we are with you, and that we love you.
Please know that there is a source of love greater than your current
conundrum; that we will not neglect you in your time of need.
I’m
having difficulty establishing a connection or tuning in to you,
Higher Self. Perhaps it’s my excitement still over the musical
evening last night, including eating and socializing with eight
others—my first experience performing and songleading in Campbell
River. I was well-received, with my repertoire of 130 songs, and this
was my first experience of jamming with more than one other. I stayed
for four hours, immersed in music. Today I’ve been unwinding,
meditating, exercising. This is a different style of life than what
I’ve known.
Congratulations,
Mr. Neall, on the growth in a positive lifestyle. Take all the time
you need to regroup. Recall that we are endlessly patient with those
we love . You are doing your best to grow and change and
heal yourself, to establish love and light as the operating
principles of your life. You will find us a constant ally in this
process: the permanent partner, the forever friend, the Beloved you
have sought and now found—the one that never sleeps. Allow yourself
to feel the excitement of this new growth—of being “met in the
eyes of others,” the mirrors of your enlightened life.
Thank
you for that . . . [yawning] . . . What else could I know tonight to
expand my wellness; to eliminate pain and suffering (upper front
teeth; right arm below the shoulder; left rotator cuff issues; hip
joint problems, and the lower back inflammation).
Dear
Mr. Neall: Your inner guidance system has brought you many benefits.
Let it continue to guide you to healers; to finances to pay for them;
to taking holidays when needed; to finding inner peace and
happiness—a smile on your face; a feeling of warmth (“sunshine
mind”); fearlessness; freedom from worry; empowerment; the love you
seek. . . . We will not let you down, Mr. Neall—ever. . . . Vaya
con Dios forever. Your Higher Self.
July
1, 2013—Canada Day: Parked in a shady spot on Airport Road near the
airport, Campbell River, BC [hottest day of the year]
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
I’m
feeling tired today. The past two weeks have brought me into a larger
flow of life—ten-page letter composed over eight weeks and sent to
my younger brother (after forty years of not connecting); stood up to
my “dragon lady” landlord, letting her know it was unacceptable
to me to be treated like a misbehaving child; made an art book
proposal to a real-estate company. Today I looked at a new place to
live. I can feel the need to recharge my batteries, and I’m going
into “worry mode” about housing. What’s the most important
thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Rest and be blessed. Yesterday you spent several hours
relaxing in nature by Elk Falls. Today you spent a nourishing hour
reading about literature and writing in your borrowed book The
Christian Imagination. . . . It’s a holiday weekend—join the
club . . . [burping; yawning] . . .
I
need you to be both a “holiday coach” and “mind-holiday mentor”
to get me out of struggle today.
No
job too large or too small to take on, dear one. As you know, we have
nothing else we need to do. You have our full attention for as long
as you want, for as long as it takes.
Your
generosity is uplifting—and free for the asking too!
“Wonders
never cease,” as it is said.
Since
I’ve given my notice at my residence for the end of July, I may
make August a vacation month and go camping, I know you’ll be with
me for that as well.
No
end of help, dear one. “Love beyond measure” . . . [yawning;
burping] . . .
And
I need do nothing to deserve this, except get my feelings of
undeservingness and unworthiness—my “bloated nothingness,” as a
former minister described it—out of the way . . . [yawning] . . .
You’ve
got it—good for you: . . . [yawning] . . . “Mr. Neall,
student extraordinaire.”
With
an excellent, patient coach.
We
are whatever you need, dear one, whenever you need it.
Just get out your pen and paper.
A
simple instruction that I can manage.
Of
course—that’s how the Universe is set up.
Awesome
. . . (a word I don’t use often).
Awesome
indeed. . . . Vaya con Dios, friend. Be blessed in your rest by the
best—your Higher Self.
July
7, 2013: Merecroft Village parking lot, South Dogwood Street,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Glad
to be with you, Mr. Neall.
I’m
allowing myself to be more supported by my minister, the spiritual
director of the Campbell River Centre for Spiritual Living, by
admitting to a deeply held dysfunctional pattern, never shared with
anyone before. I simply didn’t want to carry that around any
more—even though I might not “look good” in her eyes. If she is
a true representative of the Divine, she will understand my motives
and have no judgment; she will understand my desire to grow (up). . .
. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing
/ recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We applaud your courage and acknowledge your deep longing
to feel whole . . . [yawning] . . . and happier . . . [yawning] .
. . and stronger. As we’ve said before, we are with you for
everything, and we’re certainly not going to quit now.
“Music
to my ears,” dear one. Last night I dreamed of learning to drive a
large and solid 4-wheel-drive pickup called a Power Wagon that was
unwieldy and required double-clutching every gear change, up or down,
and with its steering barely manageable (a turning radius of about
100 feet). This seems like new strength coming in. I welcome it.
“Love
and empowerment,” Mr. Neall—your growing edge. Note that your
disciplines are getting easier—morning prayers and a walk; evening
exercise / yoga and prayers; going to Sunday service; accepting the
pleasure of a long, hot shower at home (with no cost, as hydro and
hot water are included in the rent) . . .
.
. . Two days ago, in an “expanded-mind moment,” I imagined
hearing from my landlords that they were sorry for how they had
treated me, and they would like me to stay. It was a 180-degree shift
from what I had been thinking lately. It reminded me to always remain
open to all possibilities—that’s what the spiritual warrior does:
especially possibilities that are beneficial, like a happy home on my
budget. That would put my home-search struggle at an end for good.
Thank you for your presence and your help in this area as the days
pass.
Gladly,
Mr. Neall. You are our friend and we like to see you happy and
contented and feeling abundant.
That’s
the language I wish to speak.
Your
goal is a worthy one, Mr. Neall. Freedom from the chains of
self-criticism, self-punishment, unworthiness, shame and guilt is an
event to be celebrated—and we will be with you for that too, as
part of this all-encompassing, eternal, spiritual partnership in
well-being that you have developed.
A
partnership of hope—
You’ve
got it. Compassion and courage as well—in fact, everything you need
for the Good Life. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your Sunday-best
Higher Self.
July
11, 2013: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Right
here with you, Mr. Neall, always on call.
After
months of good sleeping, I’ve had a couple of tough nights; more
back pain than I want. And the unresolved issue still regarding this
home. Yet I woke up this morning and did 45 minutes of exercise and
sang for 45 minutes. It feels good to be developing some muscle in my
upper arms and shoulders using the fitness tube. And my ‘living one
day at a time’ discipline seems to be paying dividends. . . .
What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing /
recovery today? How can I best grow in love and light and empowerment
at this time?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you and that we support anything
and everything that makes you feel stronger and happier. There is
nothing else that we are here to do. And when you are in pain and
suffering, we are with you then too. We abandon no one, ever. . . .
And we are patient with our friends, letting them learn at a pace
that is right for them . . . [yawning] . . .
I
realize that this dialogue is my most valuable tool for growing in
love and light and empowerment (I can answer my own question today).
. . . And I realize that I also want to put inner peace on my
agenda: freedom from fear and worry. And also a good home, so that I
feel grounded on this planet at last.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Knowing what you want, as we’ve said before, is ‘half
the battle.’ Expressing your desires in this dialogue places them
in ‘the greater flow’ known as the Universe, which is unlimited
in scope.
This
universal presence is what I have been told, years ago, by my
intuition, will heal my lower back—and thus my life. One day last
week when I was being ‘scanned’ by my quantum (distance) healer
in Ontario, Dr. Adam, I experience being completely free from all
pain, and also empowered and connected to the whole universe—what I
now understand as one of my goals.
You
have created effective ‘helpers,’ Mr. Neall. Acknowledge yourself
for that—for every bit of progress physically, mentally,
emotionally, spiritually, socially and financially. You begin to see
that growing is part of being happy . . . [yawning] . . .
What
else would help grow my happiness today? . . . [yawning] . . .
Believing
in this dialogue, Mr. Neall; believing that this is the ‘the road
home’ . . . that you have ‘found your way’ . . . that there is
a way through the deepest suffering, pain and darkness . . . that
there is light always available: the light of Buddha nature, the
light of God, the non-denominational light of awakening . . .
[tears; yawning; burping] . . . thus, inner peace is possible.
Your
message is clear and profoundly heartening, and I am grateful. This
has been ‘time well spent.’ . . .
With
your ‘timeless well of nourishment.’
And
eternal as well—you never go away.
We
can’t, Mr. Neall. We’re part of you.
Again,
I am grateful. May peace prevail, may good prevail—throughout the
Universe.
It
does, Mr. Neall, it does. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
July
15, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road
and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear one.
Thank
you. I had a beautiful, deep healing today while listening to
Buddhist scholar and teacher Robert Thurman, head of Tibet House in
New York City. I was looking on YouTube for the dialogue between him
and Deepak Chopra called “God and Buddha” and ran across
Thurman’s response to the self-immolation of Tibetan monks in
protest over the Chinese cultural genocide being practised in Tibet.
Thurman, a former monk and a thirty-year friend of the Dalai Lama,
filled his eight-minute presentation with deep Buddhist wisdom,
including an honouring of these “warriors of non-violence” for
their “sacrifice and heroism,” while insisting such behaviour is
not encouraged by any Buddhist leaders, as the Chinese propagandize.
The Dalai Lama’s attitude was made clear, Thurman said, in the
words he spoke to one badly burned monk in a hospital: “Do not die
with hatred or anger towards the Chinese in your heart.” The
Buddhist teaching echoes that of Jesus, Thurman said—to love your
enemies. “To love someone means you want them to be happy,” said
Thurman. “If your enemy was truly happy they definitely would not
wear themselves out being your enemy [chuckles]. They would cheer up
and be friendly.” [See:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XEEohjzAZQ]. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight,
as I sit in my van and enjoy the bright summer-evening light of
Vancouver Island, British Columbia?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Truth is truth, wherever it is to be found. The truth hit
you today, and your soul responded by releasing its pain.
Congratulations, Mr. Neall. You are finding your way; finding the
light; empowering yourself.
And
I have you to share my journey with. What an honour and a blessing
and a comfort!
You
are catching on, Mr. Neall, to the limitless, eternal, infinite
qualities of Spirit, a force that will never, ever let you down, only
build you up, and that does so willingly and effortlessly—and
always will.
Thank
you, friend.
You’re
welcome. Vaya con Dios, sunshine sitter. Your Higher Self.
July
24, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are present, Mr. Neall: awakened spirit.
I
am packing up (thank you for your beautiful presence during this
process yesterday). My time is up at the hobby farm, and I will go
camping for the month of August. One has to be very patient with
oneself on the spiritual journey: no judgment. I am getting grounded
by showing up at my spiritual centre on Sundays, a coffee meeting
midweek with a man from this centre, plus my Friday Finding Freedom
group at the Christian church on the western edge of the city—and
my daily exercise / yoga and long cycling trips. . . . What’s the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Day by day, you are learning love and empowerment, in your
various environments. We are glad to participate in your development;
in your growth program, your schooling; in your “surrender to
sanity.” Be of good cheer, be of good career (path); be love and be
loved; be a strong and self-expressive soul being; a truth-seeker and
wellness researcher. We are with you for all of it.
My
back condition is telling me it’s time to get away; to go on
walkabout; to get closer to God by becoming relaxed and peaceful; to
get in touch with a vision of how I want to live here in Campbell
River—and farther on, in Australia—and how I want to develop my
writing, photography and music. What else could I know about healthy
personal development today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Spirit never sleeps. You can check in with us at any time
for support on your journey. We promise we’ll be there to uplift,
nurture, guide, inspire, encourage, or whatever else is required. We
are your friend, and that’s what friends do. We are here to ensure
that nothing gets missed; to fill up all the empty nooks and crannies
of your being; to help you become whole and real and connected and
purposeful and peaceful and happy . . . [yawning] . . . That’s
what our relationship is about. It is a powerful connection that you
have earned through your earnest seeking. Don’t look back any more,
Mr. Neall (you’re getting clearer about that). Forward into
happiness and peace, love and light, friendship and wisdom, feet on
the earth. . . . Vaya con Dios, dear one. Your teacher forever: your
Higher Self.
July
25, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road
and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are glad to speak with you, Mr. Neall.
I’ve
been studying the extraterrestrial origins of humankind; absorbing
the “ancient astronaut” ideas of Michael Tellinger and Zechariah
Sitchin and others; ideas that move me out of the repressive,
fundamentalist “Bible-as-the-only truth-about-God” belief system
. . . moving out of my painful past . . . believing in myself more .
. . exercising harder . . . using Tonglen deep breathing when I can’t
sleep . . . integrating the strength I demonstrated when I stood up
to my landlady. . . . Sunbathing out on my deck today was a special
treat. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We will be your friend forever and are glad to listen to
stories of your development. We don’t judge you and there is
nothing to fear in us or from us—and never will be. You are working
hard for your happiness, your enlightenment, and we notice such
things. Remember, we will be your partner in growth forever, your
partner in becoming balanced physically, mentally, emotionally,
spiritually, financially and socially; your partner in laughter, love
and light, and empowerment.
This
is what I have longed for: an always-available, nonjudgmental teacher
/ mentor with just these qualities.
So
have many others, Mr. Neall—if only they could admit it to
themselves.
[yawning]
. . . What else could I know about my health / healing / recovery
tonight? . . . [yawning]
That
you are a beautiful soul, Mr. Neall—someone well on his way to
finding the answers to the problems of his life. You have taken up
the journey—thus the helping forces approach nearer. . . . Welcome,
lightworker, compañionero, fellow traveller, friend. Your struggles
are lessening; dawn is approaching. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher
Self.
August
1, 2013: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Right
with you, Mr. Neall.
Thank
you for being with me at the dentist this morning. In your presence,
I was able to relax. . . . And as I proceed on this holiday month and
continue to build “a future unlike my past,” thank you for
continuing to guide me. . . . What’s the most important thing to
know about my health / healing / recovery? I want to relax my back on
this vacation.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we enjoy your company and enjoy watching
you grow. Congratulations on all the positive steps of the past few
months. As you recognize, you are becoming someone you always wanted
to be: someone you like; someone who is going somewhere; someone with
a backbone; someone who lets people into his life—people who can
help you on your journey of growth into love and light.
What
I want is to balance this journey with a capacity to manage my
material world: enough money, good home and vehicle, technology
working properly, in an environment of communicative people.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Through love, what you want is possible. Through accepting
our love, change can occur—the past and its traumas fade away.
Through empowerment, a new style of life is created—a smile appears
on your face more often. Through meditation, you make friends with
your mind—the clouds part and sunshine can enter. Through positive
connections, a life of peace and respect manifests—and money will
begin to flow. . . . Never give up, dear one. You have enough tools
in your toolkit to deal with any situation. And you have our
love—endlessly, for the asking. . . .Vaya con Dios, Beloved. Go
with the God of your growing heart. We will never leave you. . . .
And so it is.
August
4, 2013: Roadside stop near Osoyoos, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Glad
to be with you, dear one.
Today
is the third day of my vacation. I’m experiencing warm sunshine as
I cycle country roads between fruit orchards loaded with ripening
apples and peaches, and swim in Osoyoos Lake. I have a good campsite
right on the lake. I’m reading Love Poems from God: 12 Sacred
Voices from East and West by Daniel Ladinsky. These are messages
I resonate with: the ecstatic poetry of Rumi, Hafiz, Meister Eckhart,
St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Theresa of Avila and others. This is the God
I want to get to know: compassionate, unlimited, interconnected,
outrageous, friendly—the Beloved. God save me from the dried-up,
punishing, authoritarian God of my past. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today,
dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We are here for whatever you need, including a changed
mind about what God is—and we will be here for you forever. We are
indeed unlimited, and it is no effort for us to help you, day or
night, Campbell River or Osoyoos or anywhere else—
—my
“forever friend,” compañionero and permanent partner in healing;
my guide, mentor and Beloved, who knows nothing of failure, fear or
lack . . .
We
are getting to know one another—that’s a Good Thing, Mr. Neall.
Recall: When you are happy, we are happier . . . [yawning]
. . .
How
can I obtain more clarity and courage for my path? More light and
love? . . . [yawning] . . .
Dear
one: This is the way: this writing, this dialogue, plus your studies
and your connections to spiritual community in Campbell River. And
your daily disciplines: prayer, walking and yoga / stretching /
exercise to feel at home in your body; to feel stronger.
And
again I ask: And you will never leave me?
And
again we say: We can’t, Mr. Neall. We are part of you (available to
everyone)—the part known as your Higher Self.
I
feel blessed to know this; to have a place that can unconditionally
and nonjudgmentally receive my moods and darknesses—any problem—and
come up with solutions; a Bigger Picture; love and light.
And
you’ve done a good job with that, dear one. You’ve found the
always-positive, always-helpful part of yourself. Congratulations.
And when you’re ready, you’ll share it with others . . .
[yawning] . . .
Thank
you. Is there anything else I could know tonight? Do you have further
words of encouragement for a mostly solitary seeker?
You
have our endless love, Mr. Neall. There is no judgment in us. If you
want to become happier, choose love—it never fails to
produce results. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
August
6, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Main Street, Osoyoos, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall—sleet or snow, heat or cold [it’s 37
deg. C outside in the desert climate here in the Southern BC
Interior, along the U.S. border].
I’m
at the point in this vacation that I’ve experienced before, that
seems like “hitting the wall”: I don’t know where to go next
and I’ve got vehicle problems that could prove expensive, and me
travelling on a tight budget. Plus, the weather is almost too hot to
be comfortable out-of-doors; and the local BC Parks campgrounds,
where I can camp for free with my “camping pass,” are booked up,
leaving just “overflow camping.” In Osoyoos, this means a thin
strip of gravel between the campground’s main road and the lake,
with little privacy and no picnic table for cooking (though it’s
peaceful at night, being on a spit of land a mile out into the lake).
. . . What’s the most important thing to know to build my faith
today, dear one? How can I “surrender to spirit” even more today?
What’s the way through this to a new level of peace of mind?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Here you are, surrendering your brokenness. Here you are,
stretching your soul, reaching for something bigger. Please know that
we will never abandon you—we cannot, ever. . . . You are
experiencing new strength, through your disciplines, including
high-powered nutrition [I’ve added 2,000 mcg of liquid vitamin
B-12 to my daily regimen and the effects are noticeable] and
relaxation time in nature for the past four days. You have imagined
yourself earning $60 / hour as a counsellor / life coach—a whole
new style of life; one based on self-esteem. A fellow male has called
you “mature,” and your spiritual director considers you a
“genius.” Your friend M.D. from White Rock wanted to visit with
you on your way through Vancouver last Thursday evening—and waited
patiently over an hour beyond your agreed-upon meeting time for you
to arrive. Do you see the benefits of paying attention to your life?
I
do. And I have you to remind me when I forget. That is the greatest
relationship of them all.
It
is no effort for us, Mr. Neall. Gladly we give to you, and to all
those seeking.
I
am growing indeed. . . . Now I must deal with solving van repair
issues. I’ll begin with just replacing the fuel filter (appointment
in 20 minutes). . . . Thank you for guiding this process—you who
exist everywhere and in everything, including the minds and hands of
auto mechanics. I’m turning it over to you, for the highest and
best good of all concerned.
We
will be with you, dear one. Your assessment is correct. . . . Vaya
con Dios. Your hot-weather Higher Self.
August
11, 2013: Campsite 2, Silver Lake Provincial Campground, 6 km
southwest of Hope, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
After
a nervous night of oft-interrupted sleep in the parking lot of the
all-night Tim Hortons in Hope, I’m at another campground, where
hopefully the partiers won’t keep me up past midnight as they did
at Sasquatch Provincial Park two nights ago. Two days before that,
while driving from Osoyoos back to Princeton, after staring at a
climbing temperature gauge late on another hot day, I stopped to
discover that I had lost all the coolant from my engine. I spent a
night at Stemwinder Provincial Campground determined to wake up in
the morning with an answer to this seemingly major problem. The first
coolant hose I pushed, probing for soft spots, gave way, showing me
the broken little pipe on my van’s heat control valve—diagnosis
complete! I approached a neighbouring camper, who the night before,
seeing the steam escaping from under my hood as I pulled in, had
offered to help if I needed it. He agreed to drive me the 20 km to
Princeton to see if a new valve was available there. My neighbour, a
retired policeman, turned out to be a singer and music aficionado (as
was his wife), so was good company on the trip, during which he
discovered a low tire on the nearly new, top-of-the-line Ford pickup
that he and his wife towed their trailer with. The auto parts store
had my valve in stock, and for just $37.00. My camping neighbour was
pleased to discover that flat tires are fixed for free at Kal Tire
stores in BC (and that the eight lug nuts on his heavy-duty truck’s
right front wheel were on so tight that he would never have gotten
them off by hand had he tried to do so at the side of the road). A
lifelong practising Christian, his response back at Stemwinder when I
thanked him for the ride was, “We are here to help each other.” .
. . A half hour of fussing and I was on the road again.
.
. . According to my dreams this week, I seemed to be clearing out old
“demonic” energies through listening to an Eckankar CD that
teaches the chanting of the syllable “HU” (pronounced “hue”)
as the name of God, or the sound of the life force itself. As I
travelled east of Osoyoos on the steep, winding highway up Anarchist
Mountain leading away from the lake, at the top of the hill I spotted
a huge billboard advertising Eckankar (“Soul travel”; “The
sound and light of God”)—first such billboard I have seen in the
province. The sign prodded me to listen to the CD I got from my
naturopathic doctor ten months ago but had never played. The vehicle
problems made me turn around and head west again, but on the trip
from Osoyoos back to Princeton, I listened to this CD five or six
times. It ends with an ethereal 20 minutes of “HU” chanting by
3,000 voices—powerful, healing music. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: . . . [burping; yawning] . . . For those who are
open to “the feedback of the Universe,” as well as to new ideas,
much is given; healing is made available . . . [burping;
yawning] . . . Faith in humanity is restored, as yours was by
overcoming your old pattern of isolation and asking for and receiving
needed help from your fellow traveller.
I
am grateful for this “warm (in both senses) summer adventure.” I
will remember it for a long time.
Life
is always giving feedback. That is part of its richness.
That
is the kind of life I want—rich in positive experiences.
As
you are learning, Mr. Neall, we are whatever you need. . . . Vaya con
Dios. Your highway-holiday Higher Self.
August
13, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, SE Marine Drive at Manitoba
Street, Vancouver, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall, ready to communicate.
I’ve
had a full day, dear Higher Self. I travelled in from Hope to
Vancouver (150 km) for tea with a spiritual-minded friend—part of
my self-disciplinary program of increased socialization in order to
end my holiday on a transformed note. Yesterday, as part of that
program, I spent an hour on the phone with a powerful healer who also
channels Jesus Christ / Sananda. That long phone call created back
pain once again, and this morning on the freeway in from Hope,
inspired by this man who said he had done catharsis sessions for four
months straight, four or five days a week, I did a deep and powerful
session myself. Later, traversing the residential areas of Vancouver,
I kept thinking, “This is a peaceful city; more peaceful than I
ever recall it being.” Then I realized it was me who was peaceful
after my highway tantrum session. . . . Tonight I treated myself to
an hour-long reflexology / foot massage sessions that has taken
nearly all the pain out of my back. . . . What’s the most important
thing to know about my health / healing / recovery, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You uplifted your spiritual-minded friend over tea (as she
remarked to you)—just as her “spiritual mind treatments”
[affirmative prayers] via email have uplifted you in the past.
Your male friend / healer / channeller said “good to talk to you”
after your long, spiritual-minded conversation yesterday. . . . Your
courage is producing results. You are living with more energy, the
result also of your willingness to take up your disciplines, such as
a long walk at the riverside park and then fitness tube session on
the grass in the sunshine afterwards . . . [Bathroom break: The
McDonald’s washroom was a mess; I had to drive miles down the
street to find an open gas station with a clean one; then sleep. Now,
at 5:30 a.m., I’m back at the McDonald’s parking lot.]
Thank
you for being my source of unconditional love and light; for not
judging my lifestyle as I sort out how to build a home; to get more
grounded in this world. I’m having trouble not judging myself, not
“lowering the boom on myself” today for not having enough friends
in Vancouver so that I would have a place to stay last night (I tried
to sleep in the van in the McDonald’s parking lot); for not having
a permanent home yet in Campbell River to return to. I need to love
myself and my inner child at times like this—truly believe that
progress is being made, physically, mentally, emotionally,
spiritually, financially and socially. That’s when I feel best:
understanding that I am “on a path” of growth, of healing, of
learning joy and laughter instead of fear and anger. I’m asking for
your help with this today; help to experience your presence, your
peace—wherever I am and whatever my level of development; to feel
loved at times like this when I’m unable to love myself and feel
confused and uncertain. Will you be my friend again today?
Oh,
Mr. Neall, you know we will. You know that it requires no effort on
our part. We are with you gladly to help raise your spirits; to help
you find your heart, to feel your new level of connectedness and to
celebrate it, to feel peaceful rather than judgmental, hopeful rather
than discouraged, whole rather than fragmented, empowered rather than
powerless or victimized. And we will never cease being available for
this teaching—city or countryside, darkness or daylight, night or
day. . . . Believe it, Mr. Neall—it’s true. . . . Vaya con Dios.
Your Higher Self.
August
17, 2013: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are always with you, Mr. Neall.
I’m
getting caught up in the “the ways of the world” rather than the
ways of Spirit: reading newspapers, listening to the radio. Plus,
it’s Saturday evening: time for my “artist’s date” (with my
creative self); time for my discipline of writing; time to “take my
problems (a dull ache in my lower back) to God”; time to connect
with my friend / compañionero / Beloved—the patient one; the
all-seeing one; my mentor in unconditional love—about whom I wish
to learn more tonight.
Dear
Mr. Neall: We are all of that and much more—always ready to uplift,
to help expand souls and minds, to raise vibrations, to inspire, to
bring hope to, to bring home. Is no effort for us, and we ask for
nothing in return. What you have always been seeking is available: a
peaceful heart and mind; freedom from fear and worry; a relaxed body;
a high level of self-esteem; self-approvement, self-affinity,
self-acceptance; a happier life.
You
know me well. I want help specifically tonight with this back
situation that keeps me unhappy. The reflexology helped; a gym
session with a low-back exercise machine helped last Wednesday; the
catharsis last week driving in from Hope helped; 30–40 minutes of
meditation daily helps. What more can I do today to transform this,
heal this, dear one? How could I love myself more?
.
. . [yawning] . . . You are taking your problems to the right
place, Mr. Neall: to your Higher Self that sees a bigger picture . .
. [yawning] . . . that knows the power of forgiveness . . .
[yawning; eyes moistening] . . . Let it go, Mr. Neall: the pain of
your father and his father; the toxic shame; the lack of support; the
missing father; the lack of nourishment from males, so that you have
to “make up” how to be male every day. Let those days be gone—a
thing of the past. Let us nourish you now: the eternal givingness of
the mother / father life force—glad to be with you; glad to be a
parent to you forever—no strings attached . . . [burping] .
. . no conditions. . . . Let go, dear one, and let God—that’s what
we are for: this kind of upliftment.
I’m
becoming more relaxed; more peaceful. I welcome this partnership. How
can I strengthen it? What else could I know for my health / healing
recovery tonight? . . . [passing gas] . . .
That
you are dearly loved, Mr. Neall, without judgment—and that there is
a place (this place) to take every problem a human being can
encounter . . . [burping] . . . that will be available
forever: “no end of help.”
It
seems almost miraculous. Yet I know I am only limited by my beliefs.
Believe
in this partnership, dear one—it will get you home. It will get you
what you dearly want: love and empowerment; freedom from religious
dogma, internalized authoritarianism and habituated self-punishment.
Yes,
yes and yes, I say. . . . Let the healing continue. Let this
partnership be my priority. Let love reign in “my world” and on
Earth.
That
is the plan, dear one: “Heaven on Earth.” . . . [I glance out
my windshield onto the waters of Discovery Passage, where fishers in
wooden rowboats are seeking the giant tyee, to see a 30-inch salmon
leaping out of the water and landing with a big splash.]
Life
is active everywhere—and you are a part of it, Mr. Neall. Never
forget this. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
August
20, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, dear one.
As
I get more energy and expand my social life in Campbell River (and in
Vancouver), I will need to come up with a plan, so that I start using
my time wisely. The “new vistas” I sought in leaving Vancouver
are opening up, through my disciplines, through my spiritual home,
and through following my guidance (I had dreamed of “a marathon run
to Cranbrook [BC]” in which I got stalled halfway that prompted my
holiday in that direction. Getting stalled is what happened: Osoyoos
is exactly halfway between Vancouver and Cranbrook. . . . What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Once again, you are making your Higher Self a priority;
taking time to connect to your wisdom, to the Big Picture.
Congratulations. We will not let you down—never have and never
will. We will endlessly nudge you in the direction of peace and
happiness; endlessly support your path of healing—physically,
mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially and financially. We are
that force that can always be counted on; the partner in creating “a
future unlike your past”—no matter how difficult or impossible
that past. It’s our (self-appointed) job, and we are good at what
we do. You’re starting to get the picture, Mr. Neall: expanded
social life; financial gifts [$700 in past week]; a spiritual
community with a comprehensible teaching [Science of Mind]; being
known and trusted; this dialogue—a failsafe connection that
provides whatever is needed in the moment, no matter how dark that
moment. . . . Again, congratulations, friend. You are “learning the
ropes” of the Good Life. As we have said before: Don’t quit,
ever. We will provide every possible mode of assistance—effortlessly,
for the asking—
—as
a good friend would . . . [yawning; tears] . . .
Unconditional
love, Mr. Neall—the language you are learning to speak.
And
I have the greatest teacher ever. Thank you for not giving up on me
(even though I know you can’t: you’re part of me). . . . This
feels like “the old days” at Highways 10 and 99 in Delta, BC when
I first encountered the notion of “compañionero”; when I was
opening to the immense possibilities of such a dialogue; the immense
comfort during trying times . . . [burping] . . .
We
will be whatever you need, whenever you need it, for as long as you
need it, Mr. Neall. We are, always were, and always will be
infinite, eternal—and local: right where you are.
And
thank God for that. I’m going to do some growling as I ride my
bicycle in the summer sunshine, in order to take care of the tension
in my solar plexus area.
Self-care,
Mr. Neall—your ticket to wellness and success. . . .Vaya con Dios,
always. Your Higher Self, Campbell River–style.
August
23, 2013: Walmart parking lot, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall.
It’s
getting easier to find you, dear one—reading this wonderful book
Love Poems from God and on my recent holiday in the Eckankar
teachings, which my dreams told me brought me some healing. Now,
loving is easier, living is easier. I have more energy and less fear.
. . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health /
healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We are glad to be with you—anywhere, anytime. We are
glad life is getting easier. When you are happy, we are happier.
. . . You are learning that God can be found everywhere—including
in your books and the Eckankar sign on the highway east of Osoyoos
that prompted you to listen to the CD and get your healing. “There
is no spot where God is not,” as your Science of Mind teachings
proclaim. Please be reassured that we will never stop teaching, never
stop being available to those who seek; that we are indeed the force
described by the ecstatic poets in your book Love Poems from God
and by Jesus in Walking Through Illusion. Love, love, love,
Mr. Neall—the recipe for peace and happiness.
Thank
you. . . . In that spirit, I wish now to be guided to my new home in
Campbell River, to my new adventure in growth and healing: the
situation custom-designed for my next step in life. I am asking for
your presence in this, so that I spend as little time as possible
camped in a Walmart parking lot this year (my 14 days of free camping
in each of the BC Parks campgrounds have been used up for the
close-at-hand Elk Falls Provincial Park) . . . though I understand
from my studies that God is not like restaurant where I place orders.
Still, “the power of prayer” has helped me solve many
problems—including my car’s loss of coolant and overheating on my
recent trip to Osoyoos. I will continue to pray, to demonstrate to
myself and others that a “power greater than myself” is available
for help with any situation, large or small.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Faith is what will change your life and bring you the
freedom from fear and worry, the freedom from unhappy circumstances
that you are seeking . . . [yawning] . . . the love and
support and peace and wellness that you want; the upliftment and
inspiration, not to mention courage and self-compassion and
connections. . . . We are part of all of that, and, as the saying
goes, “The light never goes out here.” . . . Peace be with you,
brother. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self—God of the parking
lot, and much else.
August
31, 2013: Walmart parking lot, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, dear friend.
“Dear
friend” to you as well. Another day and another step (or two) into
making meaningful connections in Campbell River, my first consciously
chosen hometown. . . . As I spoke with a new acquaintance today, I
felt all the qualities we have spoken about here coming through me,
to help uplift her. I realized I am taking up “your job”:
uplifting humanity. This is very satisfying, to be told that I have
inspired someone. It has happened a couple of times now in the past
few weeks. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please believe that we will never stop being available to
teach, to help, to uplift, to guide and mentor. It requires no effort
on our part; we simply radiate it out and let it be picked up by
those attuned to this level of consciousness—of which you are one.
You want answers, and we gladly provide them in a “permanent
partnership of spiritual progress,” a “learning of love and
light” . . . [yawning] . . . a teaching of hope. As we
mentioned last week, “The light never goes out here.” Neither do
wishes for your success and happiness. . . . Be well, Mr. Neall. Vaya
con Dios. Your Higher Self, friend forever.
September
6, 2013: Picnic table, Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC [3:00 p.m.]
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
ready to communicate, dear Mr. Neall.
Dear
Higher Self: I’ve had a tough night, eased only by hours of Tonglen
breathing. I experienced extreme levels of prostate inflammation or
stress, and in my mind heard the words “mortally wounded boy.” I
realized during the night that I was self-destructing through
isolation again; that I need to make people a priority. My minister
had set up an introduction through email with a man who also wanted
to connect with males, so I contacted him, but nothing came of it (he
declined to respond to my second email). This is frustrating; things
need to change. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about
my health / healing / recovery today, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you; that we will never hurt
you or abandon you, and are nothing like the males you experienced in
the past. We are teachers of love and light with vast resources
available to help change lives, to nurture hope. We can teach you how
to father the “mortally wounded boy” within you; bring him back
to life; restore your positive male energies. Every word of this
dialogue demonstrates this: wisdom, intelligence, patience,
steadiness / dependability, love, caring, maturity, spirituality /
infinity / eternality / connectedness, creativity, humour . . .
[yawning] . . . The father you have always wanted is here, Mr.
Neall . . . [yawning] . . . offering endless presence, endless
compassion, endless help at whatever level help is required . . .
.
. . Bring your dead inner boy home, Mr. Neall: home to love; home to
nurture; home to unconditional acceptance; home to the place where
his curiosity and innocence are welcomed; where his spirit is
acknowledge and can thrive again; where there is no threat of
punishment or violence hanging over everything, ignorantly imposed
with the authority of the bible . . . [yawning] . . . where he
doesn’t have to separate himself from others in order to feel safe
and sane . . . [burping; yawning] . . . where he has found a
minister who says, “I like to talk to you, Neall.” . . . It can
all change now, Mr. Neall . . . [yawning] . . . You’re in a
new city; the old influences can fade; new relationships can
begin—including new inner relationships . . . [burping] . . .
with both your Higher Self and your child within. We are glad to
participate in all of this change. We will help you change and heal
yourself forever, Mr. Neall. There is nothing else we do. We’re a
“dedicated server,” so to speak—an eternal one.
—my
saving grace . . .
“Whatever
you need, whenever you need it,” dear one.
“The
God of my own heart.”
Most
definitely. . . . Endless love to you. Your Higher Self.
[8:00
p.m.]
Leaving
Merecroft Village, where I checked my email on my cell phone with
Timmy Ho’s free Wi-Fi service, I pull away when the traffic light
turns green at Dogwood Street and Merecroft Road. Noticing something
moving out my right side window, I turn to see a handsome, grinning
boy on a bicycle, head down, pedalling like crazy—racing me on the
sidewalk! He turns to face me and gives me the most beautiful huge
smile. . . . There’s my inner boy, alive and well again! . . .
[tears of joy] . . .
September
11, 2013: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Glad
to be with you, Mr. Neall.
Thank
you. I’m feeling a long way from love and light and peace of mind,
dear one—a long way from home. I’ve lost touch with you, despite
my best efforts: morning prayers, fresh-air walks, gym workouts,
Sunday services, meditation, uplifting reading. . . . What’s the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
tonight? How can I reconnect to my heart? To my friend / Beloved /
compañionero? . . . Having to get fingerprinted at the police
station today in order to pass a Criminal Record Check to do
volunteer work was unnerving. The unskilled operator had to do many
retakes and finally called in someone more experienced. My lack of a
home, thus higher expenses for gas and meals out drains my resources.
My energy feels drained as well.
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are reaching out for help and we are listening. We are
glad to teach you about becoming happier and healthier. We are as
patient as we need to be in order to be effective, in order to be
heard. We will never quit. We have unlimited resources. We are light
(and love)—light that illuminates problems and brings
solutions—effortlessly. And nonjudgmental love, to overcome the
deep patterns of self-loathing and self-attack and self-judgment—all
of which keep you unhappy . . . [yawning] . . . and unhealthy.
. . . Give them to us, Mr. Neall. We’ll destroy them forever . .
. [yawning] . . .
That’s
what I want. Please do. I want my balance back; my wellness; my joy;
my strength; my energy.
It’s
all available, Mr. Neall. We hold out on no one, and we never will.
We give to all who can receive.
Lord,
make me a good receiver. Help me to grieve away the pain of the past,
to renew myself yet again for this journey in Campbell River . . .
[yawning] . . .
We
are in a partnership of healing, Mr. Neall, and your wishes cannot be
denied. Love and empowerment are available to you through your
spiritual practices, including this one. The knot of tension in your
solar plexus region can be released, as you know from experience,
through growling and / or catharsis. Let yourself make all the noise
you want—it bothers no part of the Universe. We are with you for
that and everything else, dear one / friend / fellow traveller /
compañionero . . . close by—always. . . . We cannot fail; we know
nothing of the subject. We radiate love and light and wisdom to all.
Claim your share, Mr. Neall, and watch your happiness level rise.
That’s
what I want. I am grateful to be reminded of our partnership in
healing; in love and light; in learning happiness and inner peace.
May it go on forever.
Oh,
Mr. Neall, it will. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
September
15, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall—eternally and effortlessly.
I
am in emotional overwhelm, it seems, dear Higher Self. I skipped
service at the Centre for Spiritual Living this morning, preferring
to study and practise affirmative prayer on my own, plus a session of
growling as I walked around the Walmart parking lot in the fresh
morning air. In two weeks I will move into my next home in Campbell
River, for which I have signed a year’s lease. It is affordable
(just), spacious (one bedroom plus office), one block from a shopping
centre, close to scenic walks and biking trails, and somewhat private
(top floor, corner suite, concrete floor), and will be newly painted
and have new ceiling light fixtures and blinds installed before I
move in . . .
.
. . I believe this is the solidness and groundedness I have been
seeking since I left my 68th Avenue apartment in Vancouver
seven years ago. I got a big push for this new development through
prayer help from my Vancouver healing circle friends (who are also
members of a Centre for Spiritual Living). After their prayers, I
felt a surge of energy all week, and then just kind of “followed my
instincts” to come up with this place. This is the benefit of
spiritual community. These are people who care about me, who don’t
judge me, and want me to be happy and healthy. . . . What a surrender
that was to ask for prayer help a week ago, cutting through the shame
and the guilt I carry—a big step in maturity.
Dear
Mr. Neall: As you know, we celebrate every success with you, every
step forward in maturity, and are glad to do so. Know that your
body-building sessions are also helping to strengthen you in all
ways, as are your disciplines of living one day at a time and morning
prayers and walks. . . . Love and light are available for the asking,
Mr. Neall, and you are not afraid to ask. You want to change and
grow, thus you will be helped—from an infinite, eternal source that
exists for this very purpose.
I
keep forgetting this. I keep getting out of touch, over and over;
forgetting about happiness and freedom from fear and worry,
self-attack, et cetera, et cetera . . .
And
we keep doing our job of reminding you . . . and will never cease
doing so; never cease being available; never cease being a helpful
friend, mentor and guide, teacher of peace and happiness; never cease
representing the Big Picture, the eternal and infinite, the
compassionate, the limitless, the wise, the source of all healing.
That
is the partner I want, and am grateful to have—the one who judges
me not for “forgetting,” over and over, that It exists; who helps
me to rebuild when I “fall apart”; who brings me strength when I
feel weak or broken, small or helpless; who has never failed me ever
. . . [yawning] . . .
And
never will, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your ever-present Higher
Self.
September
21, 2013: Parking lot, Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River,
BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall.
I
did a catharsis session early yesterday while driving on the divided
highway, during which I tried shrieking in the highest possible
voice—as children do—because I often get upset when I hear
children making such noises. My eyes watered profusely, and then they
wanted to close and stay closed, so strongly that I had to pull off
the highway and allow them to just stay closed for a few minutes. I
became very relaxed, and fearless. Later I spent a couple of hours in
conversation with a couple of males I met at McDonald’s (one of
whom I knew), so there’s progress being made in this important
area.
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are learning how to heal yourself—finding a way;
getting to love and light. Congratulations. Even your dreams are
getting in on the action. [Last night I had the most vivid dream
in years: I am paddling in a primitive canoe with two others in
beautiful, deep, clear, blue-green tropical waters, through
wind-whipped spray and large, tumultuous waves. Yet a house sits here
on the water. I wonder if I should find a life jacket. Then, in
calmer water, I spot the bottom deep beneath me.] . . . “Learning
to navigate the deeps,” dear one—the key to happiness and
success. The “water of life” is at hand. Feel the excitement of
getting to know your own depths.
A
big shift is occurring. Living without fear and worry is a very
welcome change . . . [yawning] . . . even for a day . . . [yawning] .
. . I’ve been stuck for quite a while . . . [yawning; eyes
moistening] . . .
Still
you are worthy of our love and our teaching. Still there is no
judgment on the pace of your progress. Still you are embraced by your
Higher Self—held in the arms of compassion and mercy and freedom,
the arms of the diamond heart. . . . Claim it, Mr. Neall, and it’s
yours. Don’t look back—only forward. Feel the tentacles of
happiness beginning to gather around you—that new language you so
desire to learn to speak. . . . We will never cease teaching it, dear
one, so the only thing you need do is never cease learning.
I
am willing, with such a patient and nonjudgmental teacher. This is
the teaching I have sought in many contexts, in many places, over
many years. I surrender to it once again; claim my empowerment, my
strength, my ‘normality,’ my vision of peace and happiness . . .
my excitement.
Be
blessed, dear one. As we’ve said before, this teaching goes on
forever—tune in as often as it suits you. We will not fail you, as
others have in the past. Let that mental pattern go, whenever you’re
ready to “paddle into deeper waters,” friend. Your guides are
with you. We are the life jacket you think you need.
Thank
you, friend / teacher / mentor / guide.
It
is our happiness to be of assistance. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your Higher
Self.
September
25, 2013: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, dear Mr. Neall.
What’s
happening? I’ve been looking forward to getting into my new home on
October 1, but I realize I can’t live in the future any more—I
have to be present for each day, otherwise I feel out of sorts.
What’s the most important thing to know as I continue to establish
connections in Campbell River? How can I have more compassion for
myself, more self-acceptance, less judgment and self-criticism?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you, and can help you to come
out of your long period of isolation, to emerge from “living
underground,” as it were. Your disciplines are all helping you:
exercise / yoga / bodybuilding, morning prayers / affirmations, this
writing, meditation, walking in the sunshine. . . . We cannot leave
you, Mr. Neall—it is impossible. Consider this truth well. We
abandon no one. Whatever you need, we can provide: empowerment, love,
compassion, hope, freedom from fear and worry, inner strength, peace
of mind, happiness . . . [yawning] . . .
You
are that “well-situated,” so to speak? . . . [yawning] . . .
There is truly such a force in the Universe? I seem to have lost
touch with it (again). Despite all of my disciplines, I feel a long
way away . . . [yawning] . . .
Dear
Mr. Neall: . . . [yawning] . . . We can’t go anywhere; we
are everywhere—infinite, eternal, caring, helping, no matter what
the circumstances. We have vast experience at uplifting the
downtrodden, the depressed, the lost, the hopeless and despairing,
the powerless, the dis-eased, the unwhole. Recall: “We are whatever
you need” . . .
All
I know is that I want some upliftment tonight; to feel better: less
tired, less confused, less uncertain; healthier in my lower back and
pelvic region; more peaceful in my mind. I’d like to smile more
often; to truly believe in happiness as a possible way of life for me
. . . There, I’ve said what I want.
Unhappiness
is often caused by an unhealed, wounded inner child and / or
adolescent. One remains stuck in the past, unable to move forward or
make progress, unable to “get on a good path.” . . . Everything
you’re doing, Mr. Neall, is helping you to be in touch with your
basic goodness, including the relationships with your minister, your
naturopathic doctor, and the man, N.H., who facilitated your Finding
Freedom group, whom you “accidentally” met at the movie theatre
last night and with whom you experienced a moment of true male
brotherhood . . .
.
. . The Universe is now lining up in your favour, dear one—the
result of your efforts and your courage. As you move forward you
encounter the deep, soul-searing pattern of internalized
self-punishment—the pattern of your traumatized past. . . . Know
that you are healing, Mr. Neall—as you recognize at times these
days. Know that your Father in Heaven is nothing like the fathers you
have known throughout your soul’s long history—never was; never
will be.
I
need a kind and wise, guiding father tonight. Will you fill that
role? Help heal my body and mind?
Since
time immemorial we have been able to fill that role, and tonight is
no different, dear Mr. Neall—friend, Beloved, compañionero,
student of the light . . . [yawning] . . . Let the voices of
self-punishment cease. Let the voices of trust and hope be
strengthened within you. Let your faith be strong, in this new,
non-victimized, healthy identity you are building. . . . You have a
partner in recovery, Mr. Neall—eternal, unlimited, wise and
knowledgeable in the path of healing. Never hesitate to call on us.
We will never let you down, as those you grew up with let you down.
This is “something different”; something you will like; something
Good . . . [yawning] . . . something unaffected by the human
condition . . . [yawning] . . . something utterly dependable,
peaceful, foolproof and fail-safe, night or day; something on your
side, without judgment of any kind, ready to celebrate every success
with you, large or small, to nudge and nourish with gentle
strength—customized to your very needs.
I
don’t think I’m getting it tonight. I seem unable to receive—too
much despair and powerlessness; more catharsis and growling required.
I will drive to my “campground.” Thank you for trying to reach
me; surely with all the yawning, some level of “waking up” has
occurred.
October
16, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road
and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, dear Mr. Neall.
It’s
been three weeks since our last ‘encounter.’ I’ve been busy
moving into my new place—at last “the real thing”: a compatible
landlord, a year’s lease, enough space not to feel cramped,
concrete floors so I don’t have to walk on tiptoe, corner suite /
top floor so I feel somewhat private, warmth without needing to use
the thermostat much, due to heat percolating up from the lower two
floors. . . . It’s been a long journey, and here I am, landed in my
new home. I am absorbing this change of lifestyle, understanding the
tremendous benefit of having a spiritual-minded community, of knowing
like-minded others . . . [burping] . . . of being part of a
“spiritual family,” being seen and recognized as a “spiritual
being,” rather than just a chunk of material stuff wandering around
on the planet. This is big step to be integrating. . . . What’s the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today, dear one, as I sit in my van here by the gas station to take
in the evening sunshine?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that there is no judgment on your life: fast
or slow, homeless or at home, with coffee or without, parking lot or
highway. You are empowering yourself to take on a larger role in
life, to take up a new lifestyle: one in which you feel empowered and
are no longer “hiding out.” We are with you in this. We also
support anything that brings you more fun and more “joy, lightness
and ease.” We are here in whatever way is needed, to nudge
you in the direction of more happiness.
You
are my “happiness coach” . . . Why haven’t I realized this
before? . . . [burping] . . . It is my very greatest need. Your
knowledge, wisdom, humour—and patience—are much appreciated. . .
. What more could I know that could help me feel less confused and
more balanced tonight?
Know
that you are loved, Mr. Neall, and that your struggle is being
witnessed: You are not alone in it. We abandon no one; give up on no
one. There is a shepherd for the flock, Mr. Neall, who cares
for every creature. It has never been otherwise. You are a welcome
member of the “flock” of lightworkers. Be nourished by this
information. You need never feel “left out” again, ever. That’s
the Good News we are delivering today. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your
Higher Self.
October
18, 2013: Oceanside parking off Island Highway near Rockland Road,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
I’ve
been thinking that this confusion and uncertainty I’m experiencing
is caused by my no longer being able to reference life from the point
of view of editing / working, so I don’t know quite how to get my
bearings in this new reality. Singing practice helps me, as it’s
something I’m familiar with. . . . What’s the most important
thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear one?
[I had a nap and then drove home to my South Dogwood Street
apartment.]
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that you are loved; that ‘love and light’
are your bearings: love and light and friendship and hope and
empowerment and abundance and wisdom and intelligence and peace and
wellness: a full life. Please know that we give up on no one—no
matter how difficult their experience of the moment, how ‘far away’
they feel, how ’broken.’ It’s been said, “There is no problem
too big for enough love to heal.” That’s where we’re coming
from. . . . Whatever is needed: father / mother / brother / sister /
teacher / mentor / guide / therapist / inner figure of power and
beauty—we are that. And we will never quit: The light never goes
out here . . . [yawning; burping] . . .
That’s
what I need to hear from today: “The light that never goes out”;
The Shepherd; the ni plus ultra; the sine qua non; The Eternal
Friend; The Forgiving One—to help me forgive myself for years of
overwork and depriving myself of joy and purpose and abundance and
peace and happiness and wellness . . . [yawning; burping] . . . Can
my past truly become the past? Seems almost impossible to believe . .
. and so I turn again to my Higher Self—the Compassionate One . . .
Believe
it, Mr. Neall, believe it. Believe in our partnership—that has
never, ever let you down; that surrounds you with Eternity . . . with
hope on your darkest days; that brings you peace in your mind; that
nudges you in the direction of connectedness and happiness—and
always will . . . [yawning; tears] . . .
How
am to proceed, with the near-constant emotional / physical lower back
pain that makes me want to isolate; to stay separate from others? How
do I love myself more today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Take as long as it takes to get a smile back on your face.
We cannot get tired; we cannot be ‘called away’; the ‘therapeutic
hour’ can be stretched. “There is always a way”—as the sign
you created and posted in your living room states . . . [burping]
. . .
That
is what I want to hear. . . . Higher Self, thank you. You’ve been a
friend today—you’ve listened.
Any
time, dear one. Never forget us; we don’t forget you. . . .Vaya con
Dios. Your Higher Self.
October
29, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road
and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
close by, Mr. Neall.
I
am unhappy and tense: “stressed out.” Two hours of singing
practice a week ago with a woman from my spiritual community,
including working up an inspirational solo for a Sunday service, plus
considering training a group of singers to perform at December
solstice ceremony has proven too much for me, though at the start I
liked the sense of being ‘pulled forward.’ Once again there is
the back tension, the painful feeling of being out of touch with
myself, the wanting to withdraw and not socialize, because talking
affects my back, too. . . . What’s the most important thing to know
about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I “return to
love”?
Dear
Mr. Neall: What does it take to “reel in an errant mind”? . . .
And so you turn to your “friends in high places”; to your source
of wholeness, patience, transformation, light and love, your
always-available Higher Self, your nonjudgmental partner in growth
and healing . . . [yawning] . . .
—whose
presence in my mind and heart always brings out the best in me.
Please continue your teaching today . . .
We
are glad to, and there is nothing else that we do . . . [yawning] . .
. When we reach the ones like you, we can prove that you are never
alone; that love rules the cosmos; that there is no separation
between the human and the divine; and no reason for hopelessness or
despair—ever; that people can be transformed by the changing of
their minds and hearts, becoming almost unrecognizable to their
former selves. They find their inner beauty, their empowerment, their
connection to a nourishing Spirit, out of which they find a (renewed)
purpose for living and the energy to live it . . . people like you,
Mr. Neall.
I’m
having trouble letting you in tonight. Perhaps I have “too much
change” going on—all I can stand right now. And I don’t know my
next step. After what seems like the miracle of having gotten a good
home at last in my new hometown, there’s so much good happening I
can’t imagine any more at the moment . . . [burping] . . .
Whatever
it takes to bring a smile to your face, Mr. Neall, we are here for.
Feeling safe and secure are precursors of happiness and, as you have
learned, you are safe and secure with us. This trust brings you to
put pen to paper over and over again; brings you to your saving
grace, your power of healing (or change)—the power to get unstuck.
. . .Gladly we provide this service, this teaching of mastery over
the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial and social
realms—by example.
I
am fortunate to know you—as I’ve said before but bears repeating.
Your
recognition of our power is what is changing your life and will
continue to change it, as you choose to continue this dialogue to the
best of your ability.
That
is my plan, dear one. “I believe—help Thou mine unbelief.”
We
will do so forever . . . [burping] . . .
Is
there anything else that I could know today that would assist in my
health / healing / recovery?
Never
quit, Mr. Neall. Even when things look as tough as they have for the
past few days, don’t quit. Do your best to reach us. We are doing
our best to reach you and always will—guaranteed. . . . Vaya con
Dios to the scribe who doesn’t quit, who no longer believes in the
darkness, who always seeks the light. That is the way to grow: call
your “friends in high places.” Congratulations, Mr. Neall, once
again. Well done. . . . Your Higher Self.
[.
. . More soon.]
*
* * POSSIBLE END OF MY BOOK HERE * * *
November
2, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall . . . [burping] . . .
I
am grateful for my new home situation: helpful, communicative
landlord (replaced a leaking toilet before noon on the same day with
a deluxe model), quiet building, government subsidy of $127 per
month. The past is definitely more past now. I have a “home base”
from which to proceed into the future—a future in which I want
“love and light” to play a leading role, not to mention ease and
effortlessness, freedom, happiness, purpose and peace of mind:
especially peace of mind, including fewer feelings of guilt and toxic
shame. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery today, dear friend?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are demonstrating the effects of the quality known as
perseverance, not to mention an expansion of your ability to live in
spiritual community and to understand how connection with like-minded
others increases your manifestation power and your ability to live
abundantly and hopefully (and with support). . . . This surge
of spiritual energy has got you off balance, trying to absorb this
new, greater reality. Be aware, friend, that we are with you for all
of it, and that we support you in living free from the guilt and
toxic shame (read “feelings of defectiveness”) that have plagued
you for lifetimes . . . [yawning] . . .
I’ve
been reeling from overexposure to emotionally toxic environments
seemingly forever. . . . It’s the biggest issue I’m wanting help
with; the biggest place of stuckness. There seems no way through this
issue, manifesting as chronic low back pain, internalized
self-punishment and lack of life-force energy. What say you? Does my
“unlimited” Higher Self even have an answer here?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We quit on no one, ever. We say: Mastery of life is
available to all—period. And we are as patient as we need to be in
our teaching, and bring as much wisdom as the situation requires . .
. [yawning] . . . and as much love and as much light. Forgive
everyone their ignorance, Mr. Neall. The past cannot be
changed—but it can be healed, as you are learning to do . . .
[burping] . . . Congratulations on having taken up this path, and
on constantly renewing your commitment to it—as you are doing again
this very moment. “Saturday night’s all right,” Mr. Neall. . .
. Blessings. Your Higher Self.
November
6, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall, in love and friendship.
That
is good to hear. I’ve been through deep darkness for the past week,
brought on, I believe, by stepping out with my music: practising with
an enthusiastic woman from the Science of mind spiritual centre,
offering to lead a musical group and preparing a solo for a Sunday
gathering. Suddenly it all collapsed and I had to quit; my emotional
strength wasn’t there. At the same time, I’m integrating the
“miracle” of my new, spacious and comfortable home, manifested
with help of two experienced Science of Mind practitioners in
Vancouver. This latter event tells me that I have a philosophy of
life that works and that has brought me helpful and knowledgeable
friendships. I’m not “falling through the cracks of society”
any more. I am “standing on concrete” literally, with concrete
floors in my apartment that keep sounds from beneath me from reaching
upwards; it also provides some heat for my suite. . . . What’s the
most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
today, dear friend?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you, and that there is no
judgment on your life—never has been, never will be. We acknowledge
you as a student and teacher of the light who perseveres; who never
quits seeking to learn and grow, to accept the gifts that an abundant
universe is always giving, to become happier, as you are, to be in a
home environment that makes you feel good. You indeed have something
to celebrate and we celebrate your success with you. There is nothing
we would rather do. Recall that you had a “big dream” image many,
many years ago that showed simply a sign with black lettering on a
white background that read “Celebrate Jesus Christ”. That’s it,
Mr. Neall. That’s the end of seeking. That’s what you’re
learning to do. Celebration = happiness . . . [burping] . . .
No
wonder I’ve been confused—I’m speaking a new language these
days and I need time to integrate this new lifestyle of empowerment,
inclusion . . . [burping; yawning] . . . and abundance. . . . And
you are with me for all of it.
We
wouldn’t miss it for anything.
The
music I can let go of for now; it was a little too intense—too high
a vibration for me. I can try it again in a few months. “There’s
no judgment on my progress or lack of it,” as I’ve heard you say.
That
is indeed the case, Mr. Neall.
Is
there anything else I could know about “living the Good Life”
today?
You’re
living it, dear one. Continue your daily gratitude practice; continue
celebrating your success . . . [burping] . . . It looks good
on you. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.
November
11, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, dear Mr. Neall—“friends forever.”
I
could use some help with the lower back pain, dear one. After my gym
workout and catharsis session following, I’ve lightened up some
more. I’m getting glimpses that I am part of a worldwide “movement
of recovery and healing”—a.k.a. “the search for God.” Please
affirm that this is true; that there is “light at the end of the
tunnel”; purpose and meaning in my life; that I am being “pulled
forward into wholeness”—into sufficiency, connection and
happiness.
Dear
Mr. Neall: We never cease to be available to those who wish to grow,
and we have an unlimited repertoire of qualities from which to draw
upon that can help people to expand physically, mentally,
emotionally, spiritually, financially and socially. Taking pen in
hand means you are one of them. . . . There is no judgment on your
life, ever, and happiness can grow in that kind of a garden.
Purposeful living is part of that, as are connectedness, sufficiency
(freedom from lack) and peace of mind. . . . Your disciplines put you
on the path, Mr. Neall, and keep you there, connected to the
Universe, the Good, the Light—empowered and peaceful and happy.
This is a partnership that will never let you down, Mr. Neall—“the
light is always on.” Wisdom, mentoring, nurturing, guidance,
friendship, fathering / mothering—all part of your Source . . .
—the
Good News . . .
The
never-ending Good News, available “for a song.”
Speaking
of which . . . I haven’t been singing lately. The deep overwhelm I
experience ten days ago made me think I might not sing again. Perhaps
I can come at it from “a new place within me.” Anything you can
do to support this will be most welcome.
Dear
Mr. Neall: Spend some time contemplating what music, piano-playing
and singing mean to you at this stage of your life—and then follow
your inner wisdom, your own knowingness. “Coming at it from a new
direction” is entirely possible in an unlimited Universe. . . .
Know that you are loved, dear one, and that our love will never end.
. . . Vaya con Dios. Your multifaceted, multidimensional Higher Self.
November
18, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are here, Mr. Neall.
I
wish to “renew my faith” today; reconnect with my Higher Self; go
to a place free from fear and worry; consolidate some plans for the
future; put a smile back on my face. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery, dear
one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please accept our friendship, which is always available to
you, as it is to all. As you already know, thinking about your true
friends—those who love and care about you—lifts your spirits and
brings you into present time. It is the Good Life. Learning to live
without lack or fear of lack is what you are doing, Mr. Neall, and
you are making progress. Congratulations.
This
is the darkest time of the year over the next eight weeks. I ask for
your presence—to keep me thinking of light and love; to keep me
focused on moving forward as a writer, artist and healer.
It
is no effort for us, Mr. Neall—please believe that. “Billions
served,” as it is said.
Thank
you . . . The Big Picture . . . [yawning] . . .
You’ve
got it, Pontiac. Claim your stake in it; in happiness and peace of
mind; in wholeness.
I
surrender to being a (happy) student today. Teach on, wise one . . .
“We
never close,” Mr. Neall, as you know: We’re “an
always-available partnership in healing.” . . .
[yawning; burping] . . .
—in
love and light . . .
Exactly.
And your disciplines bring that to you—even at midnight on the
darkest day of the year.
And
when the tension builds in my solar plexus region, I do catharsis to
restore feelings of empowerment.
Right
again. And we are never far away—we can’t go anywhere. We are
part of you, and always will be . . .
—as
friend, Beloved and Comforter . . .
As
anything you need when you are experiencing lack.
Again:
I’m never alone . . . [yawning] . . .
You
can’t be. Just sit down and pick up your pen . . . [yawning] .
. .
“The
power of the pen . . .”—I haven’t understood that so clearly as
now. Also: “Having something to say.”
That’s
it. You’ve moved another writer in the last week with your words.
[Esther
Harrison, author of the recently published book Phoenix
of Faith: From Delusional Beliefs to Discovery of the Self,
said: “I read your blog with conversations with your higher self.
That is pretty awesome stuff. Great work, Neall!”]
And
a few years ago she bought one of my cloud photographs for the cover
of that book—another moment of bliss . . .
And
so today you take a day off, and communicate with your Higher
Self—who judges you not.
That’s
the Good Life: “Do whatever it takes to feel good first—everything
else comes second.”
Wisdom,
Mr. Neall—you’re learning it. It’s the way to become happier.
Connection (with us) is also part of it.
And
(with you) I cannot fail . . .
Said
before, and definitely worth repeating. . . . Vaya con Dios, friend,
compañionero, scribe, healer, artist, teacher, Man of His Word(s).
Thank
you, dear one.
November
29, 2013: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
close by, Mr. Neall.
I’m
feeling out of sorts, dear one. Hard to find any joy these days,
though I am grateful to be settled in my permanent Campbell River
home, with most of the furniture I need now in place. I am practising
my music once again—I like what I do with it; how it makes me feel
to play piano and sing. I’ve started reading the Esther Harrison
book, which she sent me. It will be good to connect with another soul
who also had an abusive, angry, uncaring father and experience how
she navigated her way out of a tragic history. . . . I have fresh
carnations in a vase and a miniature rose plant in my living room,
which uplift me every time I see their warm colours—hours of
pleasure for just a few dollars. . . . What’s the most important
thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?
How can I best recharge my batteries and reconnect with light and
love?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are doing the most important thing—connecting with
your Higher Self: tuning in to your “human being filling station.”
There is no lack in us: no insufficiency, no hesitation to be of
service, no shortage of therapeutic skill or compassion. We are a
steady friend and companion whose light and love never cease flowing,
and a source of the highest wisdom and intelligence. . . . As you
realize from having reviewed this material online today, we can help
free you from fear and worry, and we will always do our best to bring
a smile back to your face . . . [burping; yawning] . . .
Please
do that now, dear one. Do you know any good jokes? I am deep in
misery, and back pain from having moved a couch . . . [yawning;
tearing up] . . . Plus, I’m still integrating the fact that I have
a solid home now, one that is spacious, comfortable and
attractive—full of art and music and books. And, after discovering
that I am eligible for a $1200 (annual) grant to study at the local
college, I’m in the process of registering for Psychology courses
that start in January. This will be another step in moving forward
out of my past, where I was “emotionally unavailable” for a long
time . . . [burping] . . . All this change can get a bit confusing
at times. And so I call on my Higher Self . . .
Dear
Mr. Neall: We will never let you down, and we reiterate our “eternal
availability.” You are truly building “the life of your dreams,”
and we applaud your successes—and always will. Please call on us at
any time . . . [burping; yawning] . . . for this type of
dialogue; for growing your awareness and thus your happiness and
peace of mind; your freedom from fear and worry. You are never making
a mistake in contacting your Higher Self, as you are more and more
realizing from your healing studies. It is a source of healing,
happiness, perspective (the Big Picture), friendship, light and love
that has no equal anywhere—and for whom all this is effortless.
Just tune in, Mr. Neall, to receive your benefits and your blessings.
As you are learning, discipline becomes a way of life that makes
everything work better. Your morning prayers and walking session set
up each day for you now in a way that wasn’t possible before. They
help keep you in a positive mood. This keeps you more firmly on the
path of happiness and peace. These are qualities we are only too glad
to teach, and we will never cease doing so . . . [burping] . .
. to anyone who will listen . . . [yawning; burping] . . .
That
is the kind of steadiness I have sought in a “partnership in
progress” and I welcome your presence at any time, as father /
mother / brother / sister, teacher / mentor / guide, friend,
compañionero, Beloved, Eternal Wise One or anything else.
“The
peace that passes understanding . . .”
Love
of my life . . . My strength . . . My hope . . . My Redeemer . . . My
psychopomp . . . My humourist . . . My saving grace . . . My peace .
. .
And
more . . .
I
am willing to sing your praises night and day . . .
That
will change your life for sure. Celebrating is the end of seeking, as
you know.
I
celebrate your presence, dear one. It is my honour and privilege to
know you; to put an end to seeking. May I never forget this wisdom. .
. . And so it is.
December
1, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
Dear
one: I could use a friend tonight. Someone who accepts me just the
way I am; who doesn’t judge me or condemn or criticize me for being
out-of-sorts, as I was this morning and left the Sunday service not
wanting to speak with others. That’s the opposite of how I usually
feel at the end of service: expanded, inspired and communicative. I
could use someone near me who helps me to integrate the higher levels
of deservingness and worthiness involved in having a comfortable,
spacious, warm and dry, affordable home; the new levels of
self-esteem that have me exercising every day , as well as going for
a walk (with scenic mountain and ocean views), and going to the gym
twice a week at least. . . .
.
. . I believe my new Monday-evening support group (ACOA: Adult
Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) is creating some
of this anxiety. It is another effective program for someone like me,
who fits the description of an “adult child” in their literature
“to a T.” . . . What’s the most important thing to know about
my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Peace be with you, friend. We are glad to visit again (and
at any time). As you are getting clear about, we indeed have no
judgment on your life or your lifestyle. As you learned in the
important book you finished reading today [The Trauma of
Everyday Life by Mark Epstein, MD], trauma is a much more
widely experienced phenomenon than is commonly known. [Epstein’s
major thesis is that Prince Siddhartha’s traumatic separation from
his mother one week after his birth, when she died, set up the
necessary conditions for him to continue seeking until he finally
developed into an enlightened being known as the Buddha (“the
awakened one”)]. . . . We will never let you down, Mr. Neall;
rather we are available 24 / 7 for any situation you face. You are
creating a “road map for enlightened living,” and we will give
you all the assistance you require, anytime you require it . . .
[yawning] . . . no hesitation, no questions asked, no agenda, and
always available.
How
could I feel good soon? How could I have an enjoyable Christmas / New
Year’s season? How could I more effectively “get out of my own
way”?
This
is the way, Mr. Neall. This is the teaching. You already have many
tools at your disposal—ones you have used today: long walk in the
sunshine along the ocean; gym / cardio session; growling to feel more
empowered; good food and high-powered nutrition; immersion in your
writing and artwork. This week you will discuss with a student
advisor at the college how to enrol for your Psychology courses for
January. And today while at service you saw with your inner vision
just what was needed in your life to feel whole and more normal: a
new career path based on wholeness; a new level of standing on your
own two feet. . . .
.
. . Forgive yourself your self-judgment and self-criticism. Let the
past go . . . let today go. Let your unhappiness go. Build your
self-compassion and self-caring. Spend some time doing mirror work,
repeating “I love you, Neall. You are perfect just the way you
are,” over and over, while looking into a mirror. Believe it; claim
it; become it; be it. Be love and be loved. Become liberated; become
free—free from fear and worry; free from crippling self-doubt; free
from powerlessness; free from sadness, sombreness, self-pity; free
from your traumatic childhood.
Dear
one: Light my way—please. . . . Help me reaffirm our partnership;
restore my faith. Bring me hope tonight . . . [yawning; burping] . .
.
Dear
Mr. Neall: This is a new level of stuckness, of darkness, you are
encountering. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. Cease all
self-criticism. This will require great self-discipline and
awareness. Fortunately you have built up your daily practices over
the past few years and have learned to trust in them. That is how the
path of love and light is built—through hard (mental and spiritual)
work. As author Epstein [a medical doctor, therapist and Buddhist
teacher] writes, the path lies, rather than in avoidance of your
suffering, through it. That is the path you are on. . . .
.
. . Congratulations on having the courage it takes. Some days are not
easy. . . . But you have a “steady companion” in your Higher
Self—the most important relationship of your life; an infallible
guide to the Good Life. Stay steady, Mr. Neall, “The times they are
a-changing,” as the song goes. Connect with music often, Mr.
Neall—as you did today in listening to Massenet’s “Mediation
from Thaïs” with virtuoso violin by Janine Jensen [it brought
tears to my eyes]. Many people have written (or spoken) about how
music got them through a difficult life passage, as you recall. You
will be one of those who got through, too.
I
get the message, Beloved: music, music, music.
You’ve
got it. . . . We leave with blessings, day and night. . . . Vaya con
Dios.
December
7, 2013: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are always close by, Mr. Neall.
I
got through my day today with lots of prayer. Feeling this morning as
if I was once again suffering from “cabin fever” I went for a
walk in the bright sunshine (but -7 degrees C). I did several
repetitions of the Lord’s Prayer and the Twenty-Third Psalm and
felt my dark mood shift; spent an hour reviewing South African leader
Nelson Mandela’s life in the Saturday paper (he died two days ago),
then proceeded with the next level of maintenance on my van:
transmission flush and addition of special additives, plus purchase
of a set of four near-new winter tires. These will give me a long run
yet with this high-mileage vehicle, I believe. . . .
.
. . Tonight I made the effort to show up for a potluck and singalong
evening at the Christian church where I attended the Finding Freedom
sessions earlier this year. I’m understanding more clearly what it
takes to live a balanced life (physically, mentally, emotionally,
spiritually, financially and socially) and am willing to put energy
into developing meaningful social contacts, since I seem to now
understand how important they are to my happiness (whew!—live and
learn). What’s the most important thing to know about my health /
healing / recovery tonight, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you, and that we will do
everything possible to keep hope alive in your life; to keep you
moving forward in your journey of recovery and healing; to keep you
in the light rather than darkness (doing our job). Please recall that
it is no effort for us; we do it gladly—“in the spirit of
things,” as it were. Please also recall that we will never let you
down or abandon you—all you have to do is sit down with pen in
hand.
Sometimes
I don’t want to trust that things can be this easy. I guess that is
why you are the teacher and I the student. . . . Can I truly accept
my need to stay in school, in order to keep emerging from the pain of
the past into a new future unlike anything I’ve known for
lifetimes? Is this truly a “force of eternity” that I am
communicating with—infinitely larger and more effective than
anything I have contemplated so far?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We have no qualms about you “testing us to see what we
are made of.” You have experience of this already . . . [yawning;
burping] . . . (We are made of love and light, by the way. )
We are steadier than anything you have ever experienced, and more
compassionate than you have ever hoped to experience. We are never
victimized (rather empowered), and have a limitless fund of resources
to draw upon—encompassing intelligence, patience, humour and much
more. We are as big as we need to be and also not averse to details.
We will walk you home every step of the way—home to your heart;
home to your peace and happiness, to the Good Life. . . . We cannot
fail, Mr. Neall. Keep that in mind as you head for your bed. . . .
Vaya con Dios. Your friend. Your Higher Self.
December
10, 2013: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
I’m
in too much pain today, dear one. I want some relief. Also relief
from “cabin fever,” though I’ve had my walk this morning in an
inch of fresh snow. . . . Slowly I am making progress in getting
connected here in Campbell River, and planning my Psychology courses
that start in January. Slowly, through disciplines and daily exercise
I’m learning to live in this body, to take care of myself, to love
myself (and others). It seems that every time I do demonstrate love,
it brings up a new level of pain to deal with. No wonder I’ve been
averse to it. . . .What’s the most important thing I need to know
about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We are glad to be with you for this discipline called
automatic writing. Congratulations on reaching for your pen yet
again; for believing something better is possible—just as did
Nelson Mandela [whose eulogy by U.S. President Barack Obama I
just listened to on the Internet].
He
inspired millions, likely billions, through his belief in forgiveness
and reconciliation and justice; an end to racial discrimination . . .
[burping; yawning] . . . He came to understand, during his 27 years
in prison, that resentment and revenge were not useful tools for
building a nation; that he would still be in prison even though a
free man, if he let those feelings predominate. . . . He’s an
extraordinary man, loved by many.
You
are wise to understand that, Mr. Neall.
The
question is: How can I overcome my own resentments and lack of
forgiveness, in order to move forward into freedom and love?
You’re
doing it, dear one, every time you take pen in hand to write in this
book; every morning when you do 45 minutes of affirmative prayer;
every evening when you “bookend” your day with 20 to 30 minutes
of meditation; every time you write in an email “God is love,” as
you did two days ago; every time you forgive yourself for a
“mistake.”
I
should call you “The Great Reminder”—but it’s just you “doing
your job of uplifting humanity.” Once again I have “forgotten”
about you and your job; your ever-present nature; your compassion,
mercy, intelligence and unconditional love; your limitless and
eternal friendship: “friends in high places”; your capacity as a
“bringer of hope”—and all at the point of a pen. . . . Is there
anything else I could know tonight that would help me move forward
more effortlessly, free from fear and worry?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we will never let you down. We “don’t
know how to do that.” We also know nothing about failure or
dysfunctionality. We are—as we’ve said before but bears repeating
many times—“whatever you need, whenever you need it.” And we
never quit on anyone—it is impossible for us to do so. Given these
qualities and characteristics, all that is necessary for your life to
shift—in the moment as well as long-term—is for you to have the
willingness to pick up your pen.
I
like things being simple rather than complicated—so I can handle
this (thank God).
Giving
thanks and being grateful for whatever you have is the best way to
get more—of anything.
I
want more love and connection; fewer thoughts of anger or violence.
Dear
one, you have all the tools you need, including growling (invoking
powerful “grizzly bear energy”), catharsis and body-building
sessions. Recall how you felt after your cardio session, gym workout
and long hot shower two days ago: fearless and happy. Good news, not?
Good
news indeed. I’m still a little unfamiliar with feeling that
liberated; still getting used to the idea that anything worthwhile,
including moving out of victim stance, requires hard work and
discipline.
Good
insight, dear one. The ones you admire, including Nelson Mandela and
David Ray Griffin, didn’t achieve their accomplishments without
dedicated effort. Many people “work hard” at their goals. It is
the way for you to “join the world”—your goal, right?
Indeed.
No more “victim”. . . . Your presence, your guidance in this
transformation, is the greatest gift I will ever have received. And
for that I will do my best to be truly grateful.
Be
blessed, Mr. Neall—always and eternally. . . .Your always available
Higher Self.
December
15, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
With
you anywhere, dear Mr. Neall.
So,
the darkness I went into after I attempted to become a music leader
at the spiritual centre seems to have passed. I went to service this
morning feeling like a different person. My minister, back from a
two-week holiday, said I looked youthful. My singing voice, which I
thought had become worn out, seems to be nearly intact, although it’s
a full note lower in range than a few months ago. . . . I have a new
support group, called ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholic [and
Dysfunctional] Families) that seems workable; I fit most of the
descriptions in their literature. . . . What’s the most important
thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Again you are willing to take pen in hand. Again you are
willing to connect with a part of yourself that is free from fear and
worry, free from complexes and complications. Again you are willing
to “take a chance on love”; to reach for your freedom; to become
happier and . . . burping] . . . more empowered, more connected,
more hopeful . . . [yawning] . . . Congratulations. We will
never let you down—we don’t sing that song. As the tune you know
states: “I Lost the Right to Sing the Blues” [by Karen
Drucker] . . .
.
. . As you slowly become more aware, you realize that you don’t
want to spend much time listening to songs about unhappiness—no
matter how professionally packaged. Again, congratulations. Again,
please know that we are always with you, and that it requires no
effort on our part and no guilt on yours. We are just like your
minister, who declared this morning that she enjoys her job and using
all her skills and talents in the performing of it; who is generally
peaceful and happy and empowered—as you are studying to be. . . .
Stay in school, dear one: the benefits are significant. Learning love
and light benefits one eternally—and eternity trumps tragedy every
time . . . [burping] . . .
I’m
feeling more peaceful than when I began tonight. Thank you.
Vaya
con Dios, friend, from “the one who never leaves”—your Higher
Self.
December
20, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr Neall.
I’m
having a good week, dear one. Got my desk into my office (out of my
van, where it had languished for ten days while I made connections to
get moving help; the fellow, who I knew from my Finding Freedom
course, stayed for tea and we had a good discussion). Also, I found,
bought and installed a good set of near-new snow and ice tires the
day before the six-inch overnight snowfall. . . . There’s a
solstice celebration at the spiritual centre tonight. I’ve hardly
noticed the shorter days this year. I best go, just “show up,” be
social. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my
health / healing / recovery this afternoon, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: We are pleased to be with you, as always Your disciplines
and courage are creating results, giving you a stronger identity as a
lightworker—a man of light and love; a man who knows where he’s
going; a man who is willing to do the work of changing his reality;
who understands what the real work is—changing one’s mind.
Congratulations. Take time to recall that we are always available and
will never abandon you—we cannot.
December
27, 2013: McIvor Lake Parking Lot, 7 km west of Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Glad
to be with you, Mr. Neall.
Two
days ago I got an inner message to take a holiday, after a three-hour
visit at my home with an energetic woman from the spiritual centre.
It included my giving her a life coaching and spiritual healing
session, so the ice has been broken in that regard now in Campbell
River. The message to take a holiday was welcome; my stress levels
seem to climb without me being aware of them. Three days later, I’m
still having the low back issues that I know from experience make
conversation a painful strain. So solitude it is for awhile, dear
one, while I prepare to start school on January 8 by studying my
Psychology textbooks. . . . What’s the most important thing to know
about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that our love is always available to you—no
strings or conditions attached, no hoops to jump through—and that
this will always be so . . . [burping] . . . You are willing
to do the work, and thus are creating results . . . [yawning] .
. . : a life that works on every level: physical, mental, emotional,
spiritual, financial and social. Your gym workouts are bringing
greater strength and confidence, freedom from pain and suffering, a
change of attitude and thus more happiness. We will be your partner
in change as long as you want one. Yes, we know that this beneficence
is sometimes hard to believe—just as it is sometimes hard to
believe that your life is changing for the better after all these
years / lifetimes . . .
.
. . We will never disappoint you or let you down—it is impossible
for us. This is what you have created, Mr. Neall, through your
diligent seeking. And when you’re ready, celebrate. That’s the
end of seeking: when you’ve learned to celebrate. Recall that the
Science of Mind centre in Vancouver was called the Celebration of
Life Centre.
I’m
not able to do much of it yet—or much socializing. But it’s good
to get to know the territory I’m heading into. Thank you for this
teaching, this light, this wisdom, dear eternal friend. . . . Is
there anything else I could know tonight about my health / healing /
recovery?
The
ones who succeed are the ones who persevere, dear Mr. Neall. You are
one who will succeed. . . . Your parking-lot Higher Self.
*
[IN COMPUTER TO HERE.] *
December
31, 2013: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to connect with my Higher Self.
With
you always, dear one.
This
morning as I was walking, contemplating the year-end and whether it
has any real significance, I heard an inner voice whisper: “Write
down all the good things that happened this year.” So that’s what
I’m going to do.
- Had a summer holiday to Osoyoos during which my faith in humanity was strengthened, as well as faith in my ability to “solve problems on the road.”
- In the fall, secured a permanent home in Campbell River with a one-year lease and furnished it at little cost. It has everything I wanted: top floor, corner suite for privacy; space (two-bedroom); clean and repainted; new light fixtures and blinds; conscientious, fair-minded landlord (husband/wife team); concrete floors; one block to shopping and restaurants; secure and safe, with respectful tenants; affordable; off-street parking space; able to sing and play piano; view of the sky and, to the west, of sunsets
- Vehicle: developed a healthy, empowered relationship with my mechanic; got a near-new set of winter tires; added perhaps years of life with a transmission flush and special additives; major tune-up done.
- Spent five months in the Finding Freedom recovery group at Vineyard Church with male support, during which I had a major breakthrough.
- Updated this writing and posted it on the Internet.
- Empowered myself through intensively studying geopolitics (David Ray Griffin and 9/11); nutrition (The Food Revolution, GMOs and environmental activism); studied Buddhism through Ajahn Brahm videos on YouTube.
- Received a student grant of $1200 to study Psychology at North Island College in first-term 2014.
- Photography: Hung my own prints in my home.
- Slept well, generally.
- Discovered “working the body hard” during gym workouts, for pain relief, greater strength and raised energy levels / end to victimization feelings.
- Spent months writing a letter to one of my younger brothers that I hadn’t seen in decades and sent it.
- Stayed connected to my girlfriend in Vancouver.
That’s
a lot of good, dear Higher Self. It was important to write all that
down so I don’t “get ahead of myself,” and unconsciously keep
“working at” creating good, when it would be more appropriate to
be in a state of celebration or gratitude.
That
kind of awareness leads to happiness, dear one—something we are
only too glad to teach.
I
missed one: Stayed connected to my Higher Self, and turned to it
whenever I was in difficulty (and even when not). . . . What else
would it be important to know about my journey of health / healing /
recovery tonight, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: You are learning love and light. Congratulations. You are
starting to see how love “dissolves problems or doesn’t create
them in the first place.” It is a BIG life lesson. . . . You are
disciplined: affirmative prayer, walking, meditating, writing, gym
workouts. Again, congratulations. Know that you are getting more
spiritually connected through these disciplines. This is the answer
to “the problem of life.” Everything gets easier. You have more
energy. People like to be with you more—big problem for you solved
right there, Mr. Neall.
Once
again I need you to affirm that you will never leave me.
.
. . [tears] . . . {yawning] . . . Oh, dear one, we would not and
we could not. The eternal is embedded in everyone—it just needs to
be awakened. Thus the power of disciplines, of spiritual seeking . .
. which you are no stranger to.
What
a partnership!
Available
for the asking, dear one—last year, next year, any year. And you
are not afraid to ask.
I
seem to have developed that quality, all right. Good for me—another
one of my “tools for change.” And change = healing. . . . Healing
is happening, friend.
Indeed
it is. May it continue throughout 2014 and onwards forever, building
the success you deserve and have always wanted, Mr. Neall. . . . In
partnership. Your New Year’s Higher Self—your lightworker
extraordinaire; your Beloved; your teacher and guide; your “steady
one”; your master of hope; your peaceful one; your indefatigable
one; your humour coach; your holiday coach, and your eternal self. .
. . So be it.
January
1, 2014: New Year’s Day: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South
Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
With
you anywhere, any time, Mr. Neall.
I’m
having a pretty good day here, dear one, in spite of feeling too
alone. I think part of the anxiety comes from having experienced
profound support by another male at an ACOA meeting two days ago.
This program (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional
Families), that I attended twice in November, is addressed to trauma
survivors like me. It speaks my language. Now I feel seen and heard
in my spirit by a male in Campbell River again (the Finding Freedom
program finished in August).
Last
night I dreamed a long dream about a former male friend in Vancouver,
a handsome man (“Robert Redford lookalike” he called himself once
in a Personals ad). Perhaps my longings to feel handsome (rather than
unintelligent, unattractive and unwanted) are coming true—an answer
to my daily prayers to be released of past-life pain and ugliness
(nose cut off by a broadsword in a medieval-era war in England; a
leather patch hung on a screw covering that area; I only came out at
night to scrabble for food in dark alleys). For this energy to change
will be a huge relief; a big step forward. . . . My new
safe-and-secure and comfortable home takes on ever greater
significance as part of my growth process. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight,
dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: There is no problem in sharing your pain. We are glad to
listen, to help you heal. You know we will never abandon you—not
possible. We have a limitless supply of resources to bring to any
situation and are bringing them to this situation now. We are
teachers of health, happiness and peace, and we know how to get
there.
So,
what is my next step then—my first step of the New Year (on a New
Moon)? What would love and light say? What would hope say?
With
pen in hand, Mr. Neall, you have hope. And you know enough now to
take up your pen, and you know that with it there is healing
available at any hour, night or day. God doesn’t just show up for
“church on Sunday”—as you have learned, to your benefit. As you
have also learned, to your benefit, we are “whatever you need,
whenever you need it.” The light is infinite; it contains all
possibilities—including the possibility of your healing tonight; of
you experiencing peace of mind: freedom from fear and worry. It is
everyone’s birthright. Claim it, Mr. Neall. Claim your Buddhist
teachers (the Dalai Lama, Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse, Ajahn Brahm,
Robert Thurman). Claim your empowerment through disciplined living
and “tools for change”; through surrender whenever the
opportunity to do so arises (as you already do; through an end to
self-criticism, self-punishment and self-loathing; through asking for
help to transform your past; through loving yourself
unconditionally—no matter your history—
So
tonight, I would say, I need a teacher and a mentor of unconditional
love, of physical, mental and spiritual wellness; a force of
inspiration and upliftment, of wholeness.
Well-expressed,
dear one, and registered. We are that too—endlessly if need be. And
compassionately. And we never quit—as you also know . . .
[yawning] . . .
I’m
asking you to be with me throughout 2014—though I already know the
answer to that: of course you will be. I need only to sit down with
pen in hand, accepting that I am a spiritual seeker who wants to grow
and expand in partnership with the eternal (and friendly) forces of
the universe, through releasing the pain of the past.
Again,
well-expressed, Mr. Neall. There is no force that can hold back an
idea whose time has come. And it is time for you to heal yourself and
take on a larger role helping others to do the same. There is nothing
that can stop you now—and nothing will. It’s New Year, New Moon,
New Neall. You are learning not to look back except when you get
stuck. Keep going, keep growing, dear one. Spirit never sleeps . . .
[burping] . . . You are with the Awakened One, who will never let
you down. . . . Walk on, Mr. Neall. Growl a bit if it suits, on your
way home [one block]. Sleep when you’re tired. Be at peace.
. . . Your Higher Self, 2014 edition.
January
11, 2014: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We
are with you, Mr. Neall, as agents of healing—as you discovered
when you reread the previous entry just now and you yawned and your
eyes became moist (your heart opened).
“Agent
of healing” indeed. I am grateful for this dialogue; grateful that
there is a place to take my moments of darkness, pain and confusion;
that receives it unconditionally and helps it to move along and be
replaced with a bigger picture—more light and love. . . . This week
I began my first- and second-year Psychology classes at North Island
College: two lectures a week here in Campbell River and one
three-hour class 45 kilometres down the highway in Courtenay. There’s
a lot of excitement in being back at school; being in new
environments with intelligent teachers and up-to-date, comprehensive
and well-designed textbooks; being in a learning environment, rather
than solitary. My grant money came through this week, ensuring my
solvency in a month when I bought two textbooks at $165 each. I am
speaking up in class discussions, being acknowledged for it by my
professor, a PhD in Psychology. . . .
.
. . I realize that having studied personal growth, various therapies
and alternative and spiritual healing for several decades now gives
me a different point of view than most students—especially those in
their early twenties. I believe I will discover a lot about who I am
in relation to others in the year 2014, from attending classes and
reading the texts and writing papers. I will emerge from the past and
become more present, not to mention better educated. . . . What’s
the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery
tonight, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Once again you are choosing to be in dialogue with a wise
and light-filled part of yourself. Congratulations. “Excitement”
is a word you haven’t used often in recent years, and the events of
the week, placing you on a new trajectory of hope, are creating
stress. Again, wisely, you have booked a Jin Shin Do acupressure
healing session for tomorrow. “Self-care,” Mr. Neall is a magic
word for you. And you will find the balance you are seeking—because
it will be your intention to do so. You will , as you pray to have
happen before each personal encounter, “leave feeling better than
when you arrived.” . . . Bless you, Mr. Neall, and your journey of
healing (including recently re-established visits with a counsellor).
Again,
I ask for your presence in all that I do and have and am. That is my
constant prayer—to feel uplifted; to feel like dancing and singing;
to be free of back pain and shoulder pain; free of losing my balance
at times when I am walking; free from depression and near-psychosis
(as I was informed of by Carl Jung in a powerful dream decades ago);
free from self-loathing; free from “mind-forged manacles”; free
from an unhappy past; free from poverty thinking; free from the
pattern of isolating . . . [sigh] . . .
.
. . So I bring it all to you, dear one. Take this cross from me, this
burden, this unwellness, this hurt and pain and struggle, this lack
of freedom. I give it all to you in order to open my heart further
than it’s ever been opened; in order to know joy and inner peace,
friendship and purpose; in order to know the path of the rose. (On a
walking trail near home this morning I found a sticker of one yellow
rose on the ground. I brought it home, peeled off the backing and
mounted it at the top of my computer screen.) . . . What else could I
know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one—the one
who judges me not?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Perseverance and discipline are your best allies. As
Nelson Mandela said: “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by
the number of times I fell down and got back up again.” . . . You
will succeed, Mr. Neall. This is an eternal partnership. We
are sure but patient. Love and empowerment and thus happiness are
yours for the asking (and a bit of discipline—a subject you know
something about). Congratulations on this aspect of your schooling.
“Celebrate everything” is the basic instruction to encode into
your mind . . . [burping] . . . It’s the greatest single
piece of advice we know. It is freedom from fear and worry. It is the
end of seeking; the end of that knot of tension in your solar plexus
that’s bothering you right now. It is “the land of hope and
glory”—as you were singing early today on your walk. It is the
“love (that) can build a bridge . . . between your heart and mine.”
. . .
.
. . Never give up, Mr. Neall. We cannot fail. You cannot fail with
us—impossible. This is a “partnership of possibility”: a
partnership for the liberation of humanity—of which you are a part
in your heart. . . . Go in peace, dear one. We are always here. . . .
Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self. Your friend and guide. Your inner
peace.
January
8, 2014: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street,
Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
With
you without fail, Mr. Neall.
Dear
one, I’ve been reading psychology textbooks for hours today. This
morning I got the low-hanging exhaust pipe fixed on my van. After
much praying, affirming I would get “expert, efficient, economical
and effortless” mechanical service, I emerged with a bill of just
$43. Thank you for your endless presence, creating freedom from fear
and worry, about anything . . .
.
. . Yesterday, after a good workout at the gym, releasing the stress
of psychology classes three days in a row, I had a moment of freedom:
I was free from any psychological or physical symptoms. Stimulated by
my Psychology 235 (Abnormal Psychology) professor’s lecture on all
the drugs used in treating mental disorders (as well as by a question
from the minister at the Centre for Spiritual Living on whether I had
ever used drugs in my healing journey), I imagined myself writing an
article called “How I Overcame Near-Psychosis, Neurosis and
Depression Without the Use of Drugs” . . .
.
. . The past twenty years came clearly into focus: studies with a
yoga master in yoga and Yoga Vedanta philosophy / reincarnation,
studies in psychic healing, in Jungian psychology / dream analysis,
the EST training, learning Buddhist meditation, experiencing loss and
grief counselling, learning affirmative prayer, getting an
Astrocartography report, participating in a vision quest and sweat
lodges, 12-Step Recovery groups, learning to sing and play piano,
learning to write, learning to take effective photographs, with
Kabalarian philosophy / numerology getting a name change, exercise /
bodybuilding, solitude / camping / “getting off the beaten track,”
searching for and finding a new home town (as a result of the
Astrocartography report) . . .
.
. . Where others may have depended on drugs to deal with their
maladaptive symptoms, I obeyed my own unconscious, which in a dream
one night advised me clearly and concisely: “The pylorus (stomach)
is a drug-free zone”. . . . So, instead I explored my own inner
world and eventually discovered a higher power—one that will never
let me down; and that lives in me—that I am hardwired for. . . . .
.
. . I am emerging from a long journey into wellness (not complete
yet)—just as is described in the movie “Finding Joe” that I saw
at the spiritual centre last night. “Joe” in this case is Joseph
Campbell, renowned author / teacher / mythologist, who found the
story of “The Hero’s Journey” in every culture he studied. This
film describes that journey, through the voices of many who had
successfully completed it and returned transformed and ready to pass
on what they had learned to the community they had left. . . . What’s
the most important thing I need to know tonight for my health /
healing / recovery, dear one?
Dear
Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you, and that there is no
reason for us to ever leave. Your seeking is paying off, you realize.
“Doing the unusual” (going to the gym for weightlifting sessions)
is paying off for you. Your years of exploring to discover and
develop your gifts and talents are paying off. Your disciplines are
paying off. Your courage is paying off. Your studies are paying off.
You are finding your place in society—as a Man of Spirit, uniquely
equipped to help others find and build their faith. Congratulations.
You are “slaying your dragons” (your fears), just as the boy did
in the movie last night—a moment that brought tears to your eyes
and thus healing to your soul . . .
.
. . “Fear not: for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy.”
These words, that you heard, dear one, the night your mother died,
from a presence of great power and comfort that appeared in your
living room on 68th Avenue in Vancouver, are with you always, too: a
message of hope, giving you strength . . .
As
you are learning, Mr. Neall, endless resources are available to you
(and to all) from a source glad to help at any and every stage of the
hero’s journey—a source that always will be. That is our
promise—and we never go back on our word. . . . Claim your bliss,
Mr. Neall; claim your peace of mind, your “future unlike your
past,” your empowerment, your light and your love, your partnership
in growth—a partnership that need never end . . . [yawning] . .
.
Just
“bring pen to paper . . .”
.
. . and heart to your life.
Thank
you. I’ll do some growling on the way home to relieve the tension
in my solar plexus. . . . May God prevail, may good prevail, may
peace prevail throughout the universe, always.
It
does, dear one, it does. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self,
January 18 version.
January
24, 2014: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always
with you, Mr. Neall.
Thank
you. I am grateful. You seem close by frequently—you’re becoming
a dear friend that I can call on through prayer or meditation, and
now through writing. What a blessing to begin letting go of the
terrible insecurity I used to live with, the isolation, the lack of
love, the chronic health issues. . . . I’m asking you to be with me
in my Psychology studies, which are getting intense as I get deeper
into the course material and begin to create a paper and prepare for
exams. I am so grateful for my stable home, my transportation and my
connections with others that enrich my life. . . . What’s the most
important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear
Mr. Neall: The pace of your life is picking up. Your workouts are
bringing you new strength. Your disciplines are bringing you more
peace of mind, and freedom from guilt and shame. Your new herbal
supplement [rhodiola, again] is bringing you mental / physical
/ emotional balance. Your Higher Self is bringing you love, purpose
and freedom from fear and worry. . . [yawning] . . . Some
growling on the walk home again will help release the tension in your
solar plexus . . . [yawning] . . .
“Love”—the
magic word. Also self-forgiveness, release of judgments and
self-judgments, and unconditional love—the food of life. Thank you
for continuing to teach me, during prayers and meditation—any
time—as I “re-trajectorize” myself; as I “rejoin the world”
at a new level; as I integrate the past 20-plus years of seeking and
growth; as I let go of the problems of the past and grow in peace and
happiness, in Buddha nature, in compassion and surrender—especially
self-compassion or heart. . . . What would love
do tonight, dear one? . . . [burping] . . .
It
would smile, Mr. Neall—because it’s starting to feel safe
and secure at last in you, and ready soon to reclaim a sense of
humour and ease; ready to own (in public) a relationship with the
Source—with a greater power—as the way out of the problems of
life; a nurturing relationship with the forces of love and light that
never quits, that judges not, that is the best, most-patient teacher
of happiness—a friend in need and a friend indeed. . . .
Freedom from fear and worry, Mr. Neall. Claim it. Own it—your
awakened, empowered Buddha nature; lightworker; therapist par
excellence; guide; teacher; man of purpose and path . . . “Friday
night writer.”
I’m
getting recharged. Looking ahead at the next (long) chapter in my
Abnormal Psych text on anxiety disorders this evening got me worried.
How could I ever absorb / learn / pass a test / write a paper on this
complex material?
But
a man with a vision of becoming a “therapist par excellence”
could get through it?
Yes
. . . [yawning] . . . New hope. Something you are good at . . .
And
we always will be, dear one. Part of our (gentle) power.
And
peace . . .
Indeed.
. . .Vaya con Dios, beloved. Your Higher Self. Your companion through
everything.
January
31, 2014: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood
Street, Campbell River, BC
I
wish to speak to my Higher Self.
With
you always, Mr. Neall—any time, anywhere.
Click here to go to PART IV: